fandomsecrets | [ SECRET POST #5020 ]

[ SECRET POST #5020 ]

⌈ Secret Post #5020 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

01.

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02.

[Pokemon]

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03.

[jessica kellgren-fozard (youtuber)]

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04.

[Avatar: The Last Airbender]

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05.

[Raised by Wolves]

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06.

[Xenoblade Chronicles 2]

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07.

[Princess Weiyoung]

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08.

[Hades]

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09.

[Cookie Run]

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10.

[Kristen Bell and Dax Shepherd]

Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 03 pages, 67 secrets from Secret Submission Post #719.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 0 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 1 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

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10. https://i.imgur.com/ZZPMilm.png
[Kristen Bell and Dax Shepherd]

I like them together and I feel bad for him; sobriety can be tough. He has a disease. I hope they remain together. There are worse people out there in the world right now; I am not going to chastise him like a bitch.

>He has a disease

Yeah, this feels like chastising someone for having a mental illness. Except it is more socially acceptable to chastise and make fun of addicts.

This.

If someone has an UNTREATED mental illness (that is what an active addict is) and it has a profound effect on your children then you deserve to be chastened. And it always has a profound effect on your children. I speak from my own experience and experience of my friends who have dealt with an addicted parent. Fuck up your own life but don't screw up your child's lives.

I don't know Kristen Bell's situation but I will say this:

* Someone can be suffering from a disease or mental health condition that is not their fault, but if they're not managing it well, it doesn't mean that you have to stay with them and allow your life to be negatively impacted by it. You can leave.

* There can be "worse people out there in the world", but that doesn't mean you have to stay in a relationship. There's no rule that says you can't break up with someone unless they're Satan. You can leave.

* You can love someone with all your heart and soul, but you can't force them to be sober. You cannot heal them with your love. And you're not a failure if you can't love them into sobriety. Sometimes, you'll need to do what's best for you, and any children involved, and that can mean leaving.

If this was Dax's first relapse, then there is no need for either Kristen or us to be incredibly harsh on him.

(no subject)

(Anonymous) - 2020-10-03 22:59 (UTC) - Expand

(no subject)

(Anonymous) - 2020-10-03 23:10 (UTC) - Expand

(no subject)

(Anonymous) - 2020-10-03 23:14 (UTC) - Expand

"You can love someone with all your heart and soul, but you can't force them to be sober. You cannot heal them with your love. And you're not a failure if you can't love them into sobriety. Sometimes, you'll need to do what's best for you"
it took me a really long time to learn this. It took me an even longer time to learn some recovering alcoholics are still assholes when they're sober. :(

(no subject)

(Anonymous) - 2020-10-03 23:10 (UTC) - Expand

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greghousesgf - 2020-10-03 23:18 (UTC) - Expand

(no subject)

(Anonymous) - 2020-10-04 01:49 (UTC) - Expand

Addiction is a disease. Using is a choice.

Using when you have kids is an incredibly shitty choice. Don't care if saying it makes me a bitch.

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(Anonymous) - 2020-10-03 21:51 (UTC) - Expand

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(Anonymous) - 2020-10-03 22:21 (UTC) - Expand

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(Anonymous) - 2020-10-03 22:39 (UTC) - Expand

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(Anonymous) - 2020-10-04 20:14 (UTC) - Expand

Some of this sounds pretty heartless, yeah. Or at the very least shows a gross misunderstanding of addiction, which is a serious mental disorder.

I have a dear friend who is bipolar. It was years before she managed to find the right combination of drugs/therapy to manage it. Before that, she had a tendency to snap and get NASTY. I don't just mean screaming and verbally abusing the people around her, I mean she was smart and insightful and she really knew how to push peoples' buttons and say the most hurtful, toxic things you can imagine, using her knowledge of the person in question. She'd regret it later, of course. But it did not stop her from doing it again.

One of the people she did this to was her own daughter. For years. Now that she's more stable (and not coincidentally, divorced) her adult daughter does not want a relationship with her. There's no malice to that decision. It was just that she spent the better part of her childhood being emotionally manipulated and verbally abused by her own mother, and she did not get out soon enough and now she cannot be in a relationship with the woman who did all those terrible things to her.

I feel for my friend. She misses her daughter and wants a relationship with her only child so badly, it's one of the biggest regrets of her life. But I do not for one second blame her daughter for needing space from her mother. "Serious mental disorder" is a tragedy for everyone involved. It does not mean your family is obligated to suffer from it. This is like everyone standing in a house that's actively on fire and bickering about whose fault it is. Doesn't matter. Even if it's an accident, you shouldn't stay in a house that's on fire.

(no subject)

(Anonymous) - 2020-10-03 22:49 (UTC) - Expand

Sounds like a very painful and sensitive situation for that family. So mostly I think this is none of your fucking business.

Nah. OP isn't being too harsh. Good for the people saying that because they've probably never lived with an addict.

It's a delightful merry go round of emotions. They tell you one thing and do another behind your back, if you have suspicions you're the paranoid one, they accuse you of not trusting them, when they can't hide it anymore it's your fault for expecting so much of them, then they break down and they need you, they're sick, they need your help to get better, then they fill you with hope and they make promises, and they do everything they're supposed to do, and they make their apologies, and life seems to go back to normal, but then the whole cycle repeats itself.

This. Yes, addiction is a disease and it's awful, but there's only so much an addict's loved ones can be expected to handle before it's just too fucking much.

This. I've never lived with one, but I've had family members who struggled with drug addiction. I don't think most people fully understand how much this can warp a person and change them into someone you don't recognize and cannot be safe around. Drug addicts can and will steal from the people they love. They will take money out of their own childrens' mouths to feed their habit, because this is how much their addiction controls them. You cannot control how or when they will hit rock bottom, so you don't know how low they will end up going or how much you'll be hurt when they do.

This isn't about hating them, or chastising them. It's about drawing healthy boundaries and not allowing someone's behavior to harm you or your kids even if they can't help that behavior.

Given that she's letting their young children drink O'Douls, I think she's not really a responsible parent.
Yes it's technically alcohol free/there is only a very minimal amount in there but getting them aquainted with the taste of beer (not like letting them take a sip at family gatherings) when their dad is a (recovering) alcoholic is... not ideal for them. Or the dad.(Who is obviously also not blameless there!)

Source: https://popculture.com/celebrity/news/kristen-bell-walked-in-daughters-drinking-odouls-during-zoom-class/

I had no idea. I was never strict with my kid about trying alcohol. I am not a big drinker and usually have one or two a week. If she asked at that age I would let her take one sip from my glass. I believe if you make it taboo kids will be more attracted to it. But I would NEVER have given her her own drink like that. Even non-beer has some alcohol in it and I wouldn't want to encourage my kid to just go get a bottle out of the fridge whenever she wanted.

Neither one sounds like great parents.

That doesn't sound like a smart idea, no. I personally would not normalize that even if my partner wasn't an addict.

I'll pray for them both to have healing and happiness. That seems like the right thing for me to do.

they get more attention together than apart, they'll stay together for awhile longer.

They do? I don't think it's true for Kristen Bell.

I don't think it's too harsh. There are a lot of really awful aspects of having a loved one struggle with addiction. I hope Kristen Bell doesn't see his addiction as a reason to stay together.

no point in judging their marriage from the outside. you have no idea how happy they are or how much they have mutually gained from the marriage.

I mean. It doesn't take a rocket scientist to guess that when your spouse (with a long history of addiction issues) relapses again and admits to buying Oxycontin after abusing his own prescription, that's probably not a real happy situation.

She needs to run TF away if he's snorting oxy and still claiming sobriety; if he were trying to manage his obvious addiction, it would be one thing (addicts need support in overcoming addictions!) but since he's obviously lying and trying to maintain his habit, she needs to get her kids out of the toxic situation. My heart goes out to her.

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