[ SECRET POST #5022 ]

[case]

⌈ Secret Post #5022 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.


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04. [WARNING for discussion of incest]


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Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 02 pages, 47 secrets from Secret Submission Post #719.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 0 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

Comments

[(Anonymous)]

I understand your point, I used to believe it as well.

The problem with incest compared to other types of relationships is that the instances where it's abusive far outnumber instances where it's not. For every 100% consensual incestous relationships there is 10 non-consensual ones. The second issue is that it's virtually not possible to end the relationship with one's relative. You would still have to see them on family gatherings, still have to share a mother/grandma with them. This makes it significantly harder to have a healthy relationship.

In the case of incest, the harm done by legalizing it would vastly outweight the benefits.

[(Anonymous)]

SA

I'd say that incest is very much comparable to pedophilia. I have spoken with people saying things like "I used to date men in their 20s when I was 13 and I'm fine!", so it's entirely possible for a person to have experienced something like this and to not feel damaged by it, but again - the number of such people is dwarfed by the number of people, who have indeed been damaged. And it's not like I can look inside people's heads the way I can look inside the characters' heads, and see for myself if they really consented, or were manipulated into consenting.

[(Anonymous)]

You make good points. However, is anybody ITT arguing that incest should be legalized? I’m one of the people ITT saying that it’s not always abusive, but I’m still totally in favor of keeping it illegal.

I think the comparison with pedophilia is apt in the way you’re using it. But I also think it’s different in one fundamental way, which is that an adult who has sex with a 13-year-old knows they’re doing wrong, regardless of what the 13-year-old says. They know they’re violating the 13-year-old even if the 13-year-old says it’s fine. Whereas incest between adults of the same generation, or teens of the same age, may not involve a violator and a victim. It is entirely possible for both parties to want it and consent. (Like I said upthread, I have a dear friend who was sexually involved with her cousin. They were in their late teens, and for a while they wanted to run away together so they could be together.)

However, I do agree with you that incest is abusive far more often than it’s not, and that it should remain illegal, and should remain taboo.

I just wouldn’t paint every person who’d ever had an incestuous relationship or interaction as either a victim or an abuser. When it came to my friend and her cousin, they were neither. They were just two messed up, confused teenagers whose sexual impulses had gone awry.

[(Anonymous)]

My point is that going around saying "i don't have a problem with incest in real life, because I believe that it's possible for an incestous relationship to not be abusive" is like saying "I have no problem with pedophilia, because I believe that a relationship like that is not abusive".

an adult who has sex with a 13-year-old knows they’re doing wrong

And most people understand that incest is wrong. An adult doesn't necessarily "know" they're doing something wrong. I've seen some gross pedos on reddit genuinely arguing that it's safer for a child to explore their sexuality with an experienced adult than with another kid, who doesn't know what they're doing and might accidentally harm them. Not only to they believe that they're not abusing children - they believe they're saving these kids from abuse. And, like I've said before, there are teens out there who crush on adults and actively pursue such relationships, which only reaffirms the pedophiles' views that they're in the right. Hence why it's necessary to ban such relationships by default and make everyone aware that this type of relationship is not acceptable just because you think that you're in the 1% of cases where nobody ends up feeling hurt years down the line. This goes for both pedophilia and incest.

When it came to my friend and her cousin, they were neither

Cousin relationships are not considered incest in majority of cultures around the world, so they should not be used an examples to make statements about incest in general.

[(Anonymous)]

You're just talking around my point, not actually addressing it. But I'm not going to repeat myself, it's not worth it.

Also, cousin relationships are very much considered incest in a lot of place, including here. You're moving the goal posts so you don't have to actually engage with the complicated nature of the issue being discussed.

[(Anonymous)]

Walking around what point? "Going around saying that incest is not always abusive is ok, because I know one person who was in a relationship that most don't consider incestous and it wasn't abusive"? Perhaps you should do a better job explaining it, if that's not the impression you want people walking away with from your comments.

I repeat: saying that incest isn't always abusive is like saying that pedophilia isn't always abusive. It's a statement that, while in very rare cases might be true, is far more likely to be read by people for whom it was abusive, than by people for whom it was not.

Also, cousin relationships are very much considered incest in a lot of place, including here.

"Here" meaning where? Not here, as in where I live.

You're moving the goal posts

Please learn the meaning of buzz words you're using.