[ SECRET POST #5036 ]

[case]

⌈ Secret Post #5036 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.


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Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 02 pages, 34 secrets from Secret Submission Post #721.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 0 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

Comments

[fscom]

04. https://i.imgur.com/aZiuUra.png

[(Anonymous)]

You're still bi. I'm sorry you have this issue (would it be stupid to ask if you've seen a doctor?) I don't fully "get" how much it must suck because I'm ace but, well, it must suck a lot.

[(Anonymous)]

OP of original comment.

Yes, seen a doctor. Physical therapy has been suggested but is unaffordable at the moment.

[(Anonymous)]

Hasty post but: I dealt with this - I still deal with this as physical and emotional triggers continue past therapy, even though progress was made - and so much sympathy/empathy, OP. I hope you are able to find good, affordable PT and that you are able to give yourself patience and care in the meantime (and don’t hold truck with anyone, professionally or personally that does not give you that).

[(Anonymous)]

Vaginismus sucks, anon. I hope you manage to get it sorted one day.

But you're still bi if you find women sexually attractive. Plenty of people think penises are ugly as fuck and still like men.

[(Anonymous)]

I stop reading if there's penetration with no foreplay or hint that the woman is aroused beforehand. My brain goes "oh no, ouch" and I just stop being interested.

[(Anonymous)]

I'm the opposite, I'm into w/e kinds of characters but don't like breasts. So I kinda get you. It's hard overall to find anything involving one particular body part but not another

Sexuality is about attraction though so if you're a woman who is attracted to women still bi anyway

[(Anonymous)]

That sucks, I'm sorry :( would recommend the vulvodynia subreddit; they're a supportive community and there are resources there that might help with the mental health aspect of it...

toys?

[(Anonymous)]

I too don't like penetration but I'm all about clitoral stimulation. My best friend is the poorly named Womanizer toy.

Re: toys?

[(Anonymous)]

I think this is less to do with OP being unable to get off and more to do with the mental effects that (I'm presuming) vaginismus is having on her when trying to interact with any sort of media to do with vaginas.

[(Anonymous)]

Ironically, this helped me. Because I also think vaginas look kinda gross and think I might be bi but am confused if I count (my case also has the added fact that I'm definitely somewhere part of the asexuality spectrum). But my knee-jerk reaction was "nah, you're still bi" for you

[(Anonymous)]

I'm Bi.

I hate going to porn sites and immediately coming across a wall of thumbnails of women violently masturbating. That angle. That style of display (in any media not just porn) makes me drier than a water biscuit.

And you have (I'm assuming) vaginismus? Yeah, you're absolutely still Bi. You've just living in hard mode at the moment.

[(Anonymous)]

Your reasons make sense, and I don't think that makes you any less bi (I mean, there are bi people who don't have sex at all for whatever reason, and they're still bi!). I hate the idea that certain sex acts are "necessary" for sex to be "real." There are really "basic" sex acts that I can't do because of traumatic associations, and for a long time I felt guilty about that, or like it made me a less sexual person, as if the sex I was having was less meaningful if I didn't want to do some things, but the only thing that matters is whether I and my partners are finding it fulfilling.

I hope you're able to have less painful experiences and associations with this if that's something you want, but only if that's important to you personally, not because I think that's what being a healthy bi person should look like. Sorry if this sounds corny, it's just something I feel seriously about. There's truly nothing wrong with just not being okay with giving or receiving vaginal penetration!

[(Anonymous)]

I'm assuming that your discomfort in reading femslash past a certain point would also be the same if you tried to read a het pairing that involved vaginal penetration? Or any intimate act that involved a vagina in it no matter the gender of the other party?

If that the case then you'd be revoking your bi card and your allo card, surely?

I'm only pointing this out because it's sillier when you look at it this way and it may make you have a bit of a chuckle.

As a certified asexual, I'd welcome you with open arms in a heartbeat but your current discomfort when it comes to penetration seems to be your medical condition's doing and not you discovering that you are somehow a fake bisexual. Attraction, love... intimacy doesn't have to be penetration and it doesn't have to involve certain sex acts if you are not comfortable with them.

If you are a woman who loves and is attracted to men and women, you are bi. And you are wonderful.

[(Anonymous)]

Like the others said, I don't believe something like that revokes your "bi" card.

If it helps at all, I spent a very long time believing penetration of any sort was just not in the cards for me (like, I never learned how to use a tampon because when I first tried it hurt too much. I couldn't get a proper vaginal exam either time I went to the doctor for one because no matter how much lube they used or how small a speculum they were using it just hurt too much for me to handle it).

Anyway, I only masturbated with external stimulation for most of my life. It's actually only in the past few months (I'm in my 30s) that I was able to successfully use a toy internally and it took lots of time and taking it slow. And by time I mean multiple long sessions of just spending a while playing around and then just using a rather small 'egg' style toy and gently using it as far as was comfortable (which wasn't very much at all) and trying not to focus on a 'goal' of full penetration, just playing around. I am using a somewhat larger (mostly just longer) toy now and I've found I enjoy using it.

So anyway, my point is that it's possible to slowly convince your body that having something inside there isn't a threat it has to prevent from entering at all costs. But every body is different and it's okay if yours doesn't want to play along. There's lots of ways to enjoy oneself (and others) without penetration being a thing.

[(Anonymous)]

OP, I'm a bi woman, and I want to let you know you're okay. I don't really care for penetration. I think that's due to my initial sexual experiences with guys were inept. Instead of making me feel good, they made me feel poked and prodded. Painful, not sexy. It's even more disturbing because most of the sex scenes in books involves vaginal penetration (including fingers hunting the G spot) as some glorious event.

I guess others actually do like it, but I don't. It boggles my mind that others do. But whatevs.

Anyhow, OP. You're fine. There's no wrong way to be bi. Even if you never did anything, knowing you're bi is good enough. We're nice people.

[(Anonymous)]

Are you, by any chance, on birth control? That can be a side effect from the depo shot.

[(Anonymous)]

I mean, there's tons of lesbians who don't want any insertion at all, be it dildo, fingers, or penis, so you don't lost your bi card by being not into anything involving the V.

[(Anonymous)]

You can still be bisexual. I don't understand why you feel you'd have to "stop being bi".

[(Anonymous)]

Sorry for the TMI/too personal comment but I'm bi-with-female-lean who is squicked by most depictions of lesbian sex just because I'm not into penetration (can't even use tampons) and the main thing I come across is deep finger/toy penetration. :/

My ideal f/f sex scene is just breast play+clit stimulation... wish it was easier to search for.

[(Anonymous)]

I mean, I'm a virgin who experiences a lot of pain with vaginal penetration and who finds penises absolutely ridiculous, yet I'm still confident that I am straight. Why should any of the information in this secret have any bearing on whether you're bi? I hope that you (both of us, for that matter) are able to enjoy vaginal-related activities someday, if we both so choose and desire to, but until then do what you enjoy and don't do what you don't and recognize that any one sex act or body part does not determine who you are or who you like.

TW: Sex talk.

[(Anonymous)]

I get where you're coming from. I am likewise bi... and I have vaginismus as well. The insertion of tampons (or anything larger) causes me a world of agony IRL.

But I'm also opposite to you in how I deal with it, as the notion of having sex without feeling pain is my fantasy. So, I end up reading fic that gets very specific in how things... fit. *cough*

My point is that we all deal with pain and trauma (and it is traumatic!) differently. You're not less of a bisexual for having that physical pain and not wanting the reminder of it. I'm working through the trauma in therapy, and I have a set if dilators I plan on using eventually, once I'm comfortable enough with the idea of trying it.