fandomsecrets | [ SECRET POST #5069 ]

[ SECRET POST #5069 ]

⌈ Secret Post #5069 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

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When you don't get enjoyment out of fandom anymore because everytime you start a fic, you're flooded with memories of every cringy or stupid thing you've done?

I don't get the same enjoyment out of fandom activity. I just think of every mistake I've made when I try to start something and I end up hating it. I tried starting over again with a new name on ff.net.

I honestly feel like my life- or my enjoyment of it has come to an end. All I do anymore is work, homework then sleep. Half the day as I work I'm trying not to break down into tears. I'm on medication but it never feels like enough.

On top of it all I constantly feel like I deserve this misery so I shouldn't bother resisting.

Anon, if fandom is no longer a mentally healthy place for you then move on. Maybe try a different fandom? Or learn to draw instead of write? Or write original stories instead? Find something that you can still use as a healthy creative outlet.

And don't beat yourself up, nonny. Things are a global shitshow right now, weighing on us all - so if you have pre-existing mental health circumstances then it's going to hit you especially hard.

The most powerful way of dealing with all this crap I have found is to ignore the news, dump social media, and religiously let myself have ten minutes a day to write. I bought a notepad, I have no outline set out for my story so no pressure, and i'm not using my computer - I just sit down and physically write my story every evening. Seeing a physical project grow day by day is really cathartic for me. I have friends who are doing similar things with knitting, sewing, painting, etc.

Take care of yourself nonny.

tbh, nonny, it kind of sounds like maybe you just need to try something new? Be it fandom or something else in life. Spend your energy on something you haven't had enough time to overanalyze. It might help with your perspective on your old fandom activity. If that makes sense. Don't give it up entirely just yet... just take a little break from it.

I can't comment on mental health status, and nothing is a magic wand to stop bad feelings, but I just get the impression you're burned out, or stuck in a rut. I don't know if work/school allows you, but can you take a day or two off for yourself?

If it helps, we all do cringy shit in fandom, even years into it, so you're not alone there.

The voice telling you that you deserve misery is a liar.

It sounds like you may be seriously depressed, anon. I recommend getting therapy if you can and definitely talk to your doctor about the meds no longer feeling effective for you. Good luck, I know shit is stupid hard right now. :(

agreed, none of what you're describing is normal or healthy. yeah, everyone has done cringy/stupid things in their life, but most people just laugh it off or feel a brief twinge of embarrassment before they move on. getting this dragged down emotionally by dumb stuff you did in the past - especially when it's almost guaranteed that other people don't remember it anywhere near as vividly as you do and probably no longer care even if they do remember it - is a sign of something being up mental health-wise that should probably be addressed by a professional.

fandom is a symptom, not a cause, especially with OP's last paragraph. if everything is terrible and hurts and the meds aren't working, it's time for some more serious medical intervention, not a new hobby.

yeah, i'm sort of concerned by all of the people in this thread who are acting like fandom is the problem, because it's clearly not. this is a symptom of some serious issues that need professional help, and just stepping away from fandom/trying another hobby isn't going to fix this.

I started learning a new language because I can see some progress no matter how slow it is. Listening to one song a day or learning a new word - a progress right there.
I also left fandom and read some webtoons and watched some TV for half a year.
Recently I got back into fandom. However I haven't picked up writing again. I have a half finished fic I somehow started a few days ago for a fandom event that I can't bother finishing. I didn't enjoy writing it so I decided not to force it. I feel like I won't like the end result and I don't really want to interact with my fandom.
Fandom is a large chunk of my social interaction and my main hobby so I feel you on equating dropping out of fandom to 'Gray and Hopeless'.

Aw, nonny, I wish I could give you a hug. I think what you can do know is just take a step back from fandom and find another creative outlet like journaling or painting until you're ready to come back to fandom. And if you feel you can never go back to it, that's okay too! I was out of fandom for the longest time (about twelve years, I think) and was chugging along fine, but then I got inspired by a new ship and started writing again.

If it helps, nobody thinks about any of the cringy stuff you've done except you. I can write a book with all the cringy shit I've done, but I can't name any cringy things my best friend's done (even though I know she's done cringy shit) because I don't give it the same amount of headspace.

I'm sorry nonnie. It sounds frustrating.
As other have suggested maybe check out a different fandom or try out a new hobby.
If you still want to write, try to write about what's on your mind or write an original story that wouldn't be something you would regularly write.
If you still want to write fanfiction maybe try writing whatever you want, even cringey stuff but write it with the intention of never posting it anywhere. Consider it an itch you'll scratch but no one will have to know about it. I do this and it feels freeing sometimes. I don't actually do a lot of writing with these fics because I do struggle with whatever it is (for example, one of them is a coffee shop AU and I know it's corny and just too specific to not be considered self inserty and I cringe knowing I enjoy writing something so self serving), but when I'm in a writing zone and completely enjoying my goofy fics it feels nice to just let myself write. Can't say you will have the same experience but this works for me and I do hope you find a way to enjoy writing again. ♡

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[ SECRET POST #5069 ]

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