fandomsecrets | [ SECRET POST #5097 ]

[ SECRET POST #5097 ]

⌈ Secret Post #5097 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

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Inspired by #5 and my own curiosity, did anyone actually have a good first time? My first time suckeddddd; it was with some dumbass I met at a bar (whom I unfortunately ran into intermittently thereafter), hurt like hell, and I bled a ton. I felt really neutral about it, like "Okay, well, now that's over." Does anybody actually have good first times or is the first just usually crap? Also how about between genders? I've had sex with lots of guys and most of them were honestly terrible, but I've never slept with a woman.

My first time was with a guy and it was horrible. It was in a forest which didn't help and was not at all classy. The actual sex didn't hurt, but flipping heck if having sex on tree roots doesn't hurt like fuck. Other than that it was a bit of a non-event. He seemed to enjoy himself, but for me there was like no pleasure to be had and then it was over.

To be honest i've never had a sexual encounter I actually enjoyed though. Maybe i'm just wired wrong.

I actually exclusively had terrible sex until I realized that I couldn't orgasm vaginally. When I realized I had to touch my clitoris, the sex became much better. I also thought there was something wrong with me but it's just something wrong with the way sex is taught and/or presented in media.

Yes, absolutely, to needing clitoral stimulation. But to add another bit of physiological nuance...it also took me ages to realize that I'm pretty "meh" on the actual insertion part? It's more about having external pressure on/around my vagina. So the penis is less important than having a bulge/ridge (like a pelvis) press against me. Basically, a lump of towels to hump against is basically as good as a dildo.

Oh god, outdoor sex is always a mistake. Even if it sounds romantic and fun, it's not. Things get into places. D: My condolences.

Yes! My worst story involves evening sex during the summer, after which I had mosquito bites absolutely *everywhere*

I'm going to hell because I saw "it was in a forest" and my first reaction was "Are you Ebony Dark'ness Dementia Raven Way?" and now I'm considering an alternate interpretation of My Immortal where Ebony is actually ace and drastically oversexualizes herself out of deep denial and could theoretically have written this post*, maybe a few years later when she's a little more at peace with not wanting sex but still feels like she must be "wired wrong".

*If she could spell, that is.

Hahaha omg no. Sadly I am not. XD

I'm not interested in sex, but from what my friends have told me, their first times were either "meh" or "it hurt like hell".

I'm a lesbian, so I get that it's not exactly the same, but my first time honestly kicked ass. She was staying over for the weekend and my parents were out of town; we were horny and curious and just did everything hahaha

I guess we didn't focus a lot on penetration? Fingers, sure, but not more than two. So that could have certainly helped. We also weren't nervous, which definitely helped. It was just really fun and really nice.

Actually, I was curious about first times for lesbians. I've always thought it would be way better than my experience with men (which has been mixed) but I didn't know if that was just wishful thinking.

ayrt

I think it probably super depends on the person, honestly. I got lucky (har!), but I have a couple of lesbian friends who had shitty first times too because one or the other (or both) was nervous, or had no idea what to do, which made it awkward and bad.

I think even lesbians are susceptible to porn conditioning if they've seen a lot of it or heard through the grapevine how it's "supposed" to work (as it's shown in porn), so despite possibly even being very adept with their own pleasure, they may second-guess themselves and go with the "default".

The last I checked (which was a few years ago), women in f/f relationships reported being more satisfied by the sex they had, and having more orgasms than women in f/m relationships. Het women had statistically the fewest orgasms of all the orientations. What a shock.

Re: First times

(Anonymous) - 2020-12-20 16:34 (UTC) - Expand

Cis-woman here, and my first time with a cis-guy was actually pretty great. I think there were lots of things in our favor...We'd been flirting and having cyber-sex for quite a while at that point. And we had a house to ourselves, so no worries about being overheard or interrupted. And I'm not sure if it was relevant, (also maybe TMI) but I'd had part of my hymen medically cut because it was interfering with using tampons.

It took him a long time to come, so maybe it wasn't as great for him? (Although that always seemed to be the case, even after that). But anyway, yeah, I'm one data point for the "good first time" column.

P.S. My first time with a cis-woman was also pretty great, despite a tiny bed and having to be quiet.

Re: your TMI

Sorry if it's too personal but do you mind telling more abt the medical operation on your hymen? I'm in a similar situation but can't yet get anything done bc covid situation is cancelling all non-emergency procedures

Cis woman, having sex with cis men:

I realize I honestly don't remember much of it? I was sober but it's been... 17 years. I guess that means it wasn't amazing but also wasn't awful. I was 24 so it wasn't a formative part of my teen years and I think by that point I'd educated myself enough on the stuff they don't teach you in sex ed that I didn't have naive expectations. I think it helped that he'd had a couple of LTRs by that point so he knew what he was doing in the sense of actually having had sex with the same person a bunch of times and gotten feedback (as opposed to having a lot of one-night stands and thinking he's hot shit while those women roll their eyes behind his back) and was willing to ask questions and listen.

I dunno. That relationship ended ages ago and it just doesn't feel important now.

Honestly the only thing I hate about my first time was who it was with. In the long run he was a total fucking arsehole.

But for the deed itself I was on top and from what I can gather that's unusual? I had a good time anyway.

Honestly? It was okay. I put way too much pressure on myself and the dude was a manipulative asswipe, but at the very least he was a manipulative asswipe with a romantic streak who knew how to set the mood. Nothing got hurt except my feelings several weeks later.

Of course, he was nearly as selfish in bed as he was out of it, but I didn't know to be offended by that until I actually slept with someone who was good at it.

Man, some of these replies really have me thinking that the (pretty good, in my opinion) contemporary romance novels I've been reading may just set me up for disappointment lol (the guys, regardless if it is the ~first time~, it's certainly the first time with them as a partner -- tend to be, 4 times out of 5, very attentive and aware of his partner's reactions and desires etc. It's all very wonderful and sexy, but then again, it is a fantasy).

What I have gathered from these answers, and from other people IRL, it's great if you have chemistry, feel comfortable around the person, and perhaps communicate what's working? I've also been told first times can be awkward. Oh well.

My first time was pretty shit, but honestly, it was because it was with some random who just happened to be around.

Keep in mind most people's first times are at a much younger age than the typical romance hero/ine

If the characters in the book are in their 20s and 30s it seems like that's not too unrealistic. By then, if one partner is experienced somewhat, then they should know better and be attentive to what their partner is doing, having had some in the past.

If the characters in the book are in their late teens though and you're expected to believe they'd care about that, LOL

AYRT

You know what, yeah, all of the characters were definitely in the 20s - 30s range 😆 that certainly does make sense!

Re: First times

(Anonymous) - 2020-12-20 15:14 (UTC) - Expand

My first M/F experiences were with a steady BF. We took a long time, like, a year, before trying PIV. He didn't trust condoms so he left it to me to do the birth control, and that took a while for me to set up). Before PIV we were doing fingering and oral sex, which was nice, but I wasn't able to come at first because I'd never masturbated myself to orgasm either and I didn't know what it felt like. I had to go to the library and sit there reading the Hite Report and then go home and practice, LOL. After I figured that out, the oral sex was very nice. When we were finally set up for PIV, we tried a few times and couldn't quite get everything aligned properly. Then the first time he actually got inside me, it lasted like 30 seconds because he was so excited. I didn't bleed. Probably if I ever had much of a hymen he broke it prior to that by sticking four fingers in me at a time. After the first time, PIV was fun. I wasn't able to come vaginally but he always took care of me orally first and that made fucking feel good even though I didn't come from it.

My first F/F experiences were more than 10 years later and were sweet and hot and easy. I think this had more to do with our both being more experienced with sex generally (even though I hadn't been with a woman before) than with our both being women.

There’s a great short film that animates 4 interviews about people’s first times (all m/f; nothing is explicitly described or shown). They go all over the map emotionally and are animated accordingly, with the last one the happiest about it.

Never Like the First Time! by Jonas Odell: https://vimeo.com/70122505

(TW: interview 3 from 6:56-10:16, violence/sexual assault)

Nope. It was terrible. So was the second time. I broke my cheery myself when I was younger so it didn't hurt or anything, apparently I just suck at sex.

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