[ SECRET POST #5154 ]

[case]

⌈ Secret Post #5154 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.


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Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 02 pages, 38 secrets from Secret Submission Post #738.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 0 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

Comments

Re: for all your venting needs

[(Anonymous)]

My issues aren't the same as yours, I think, but the end point is similar.

I don't have any obvious birth defects or big scars, I'm just plain and fat, but I read as, idk, slow? Or at least intellectually disabled (I mean, I have tons of mental issues, but so far as I know my IQ is in the normal range, I read constantly, I have a bachelor's degree and a full time job working with books... I'm probably autistic or something similar, but I never got diagnosed or anything.)

So people who hit on me, back when I got hit on, tended to be creeps, like the PTA mom who used to pick me up from high school and give me creepy compliments that people told me I was misconstruing, until she told me "I'm naked under my bathrobe," and I started walking the 4 miles home.

But then I got followed by a group of guys from school for a couple weeks chanting "rug, rug," because someone (female, presumably) had told one of them I didn't shave my pubes--I tried not to look at anyone else in the locker room because ffs I didn't want to see any of my classmates naked, but apparently it was just another bullying opportunity for them.

The only times I got kissed were in middle and high school when people dared each other to for money, while I tried to get away and freaked out at being cornered.

My late teens and early 20s involved catcalls and being followed and groped and propositioned (and stalked a couple times) but no flirting, no dates.

Some of the people who did that shit were attractive, I guess, physically.

I think of myself as asexual because I never had any positive memories or experiences of anything sexual, so while the idea of sex in the abstract is fine, I can't picture myself doing anything sexual (or even kissing) without freaking out.

At least I wasn't raised in the weird controlling ignorance of religious purity culture--I think I'd be even more fucked up, then. I just wish I had any good memories of romance/sexual stuff at all, especially today. When I'm not a hormonal mess I don't think about all the bad memories, but they fucking suck.