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Case ([personal profile] case) wrote in [community profile] fandomsecrets2021-08-25 05:24 pm
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[ SECRET POST #5346 ]


⌈ Secret Post #5346 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.


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Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 01 pages, 12 secrets from Secret Submission Post #765.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 0 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.
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(Anonymous) 2021-08-26 01:03 am (UTC)(link)
That's pretty petty.

(Anonymous) 2021-08-26 02:00 am (UTC)(link)
Seems like just another way they're incompatible.

(Anonymous) 2021-08-26 07:54 am (UTC)(link)
You can't be serious o_O
We as human beings are allowed to not like people FFS.

(Anonymous) 2021-08-26 03:13 pm (UTC)(link)
And I'm allowed to state that the reason on here is petty.

The reason the secret maker gave below? Not petty

(Anonymous) 2021-08-26 01:59 am (UTC)(link)
Sometimes you just don't get along with people. It's a chemistry issue. Don't feel bad about it, OP.

(Anonymous) 2021-08-26 04:36 am (UTC)(link)
Sometimes you just don't jive with people and that's okay.

(Anonymous) 2021-08-26 07:50 am (UTC)(link)
About thirty five years ago in my first year at school, we got graded at the end of the semester (among other things) for whether or not we got along with other people. I was bullied, so my grade was "Needs guidance". So with this insult upon injury I learned at the age of seven that you just can't get along with everybody.

(Anonymous) 2021-08-26 08:13 am (UTC)(link)
That's awful! Sorry you had to go through that anon!

(Anonymous) 2021-08-28 06:56 am (UTC)(link)
ayrt
Thanks nonny! <3

(Anonymous) 2021-08-26 09:50 am (UTC)(link)
i've had this happen. i really vibed with my group, except this one guy who found really offputting and didn't like the roleplaying style of. i complained a lot about him (and was pretty petty too, doubting the things he told us about himself)

we've become better and better friends over the course of two years and i really appreciate him now. that is not because i have gained some secret knowledge about him or anything, it's just that we're familiar with each other's vibes now. we even sometimes voice chat outside of group activities, just for the fun of it

so maybe that will happen to you too! i'd encourage you not to throw in the towel, especially if objectively you can tell she's not bad a person

(Anonymous) 2021-08-26 02:30 pm (UTC)(link)
Thank you for making my secret, secret maker!

The biggest thing, really, is that we're the only two women in this group at the moment and we have a ton in common (on paper) and I was really hoping we'd get along. But then we can't talk about my favorite stuff because I'd feel like I was attacking her.

I've been thinking about this a lot since I asked for the secret maker's boon. The thing that connects all the stuff that bugs me is she doesn't believe what I say unless/until someone else agrees with me. Or she half listens to me and then corrects what I wasn't saying. I don't really know how to talk about it? I asked her to just trust me as the DM a couple of times and then she'll praise me a bunch for a few sessions but that's not what I'm after you know? And it's not even always rules stuff, but like how old Alan Rickman was when the Harry Potter movies were made (NOT 28) and classic quotes by historical figures (Karl Marx was very snarky) and who wrote a specific Forgotten Realms book (Gyagax didn't write everything ever!) It's not that she's wrong and I'm right, it's that I'm right and she just dismisses me unless I push the issue and look it up for her or someone else agrees with me.

But yeah, I give myself permission to be an acquaintance now. I was really bending over backwards to try and make myself into her friend until the character thing. I can stop now and not feel guilty.

(Anonymous) 2021-08-26 03:12 pm (UTC)(link)
See, none of this is petty

(Anonymous) 2021-08-26 04:23 pm (UTC)(link)
It sure felt like it, especially before I really thought about what was happening. Before that it was just like, sure I don't like that she interrupted me to let me know Karl Marx wouldn't say something like "history repeats itself first as tragedy then as face" because he's too serious because sure that's rude but when I get excited I talk quickly and interrupt and would I really mind being interrupted and doubted if Dumbledore* weren't her favorite character? IDK if this is common, but when I'm not able to get along with other women who enjoy my 'traditionally male dominated hobbies' I kind of feel like it's a personal failing. But whatever, it's fine.

*It's not actually Dumbledore, but it's as good a comparison as I can come up with.

(Anonymous) 2021-08-26 04:36 pm (UTC)(link)
*Then as FARCE

Half the reason I don't mind being treated as dumb in conversation is I'm so damn used to making typos in text conversation gosh darnit!

(Anonymous) 2021-08-26 04:18 pm (UTC)(link)
Is it possible to have a talk with her about it? With someone who agrees with you on these things, if you worry even then she may not believe you?

(Anonymous) 2021-08-26 04:43 pm (UTC)(link)
As the DM the social contract is that it's my job to keep the peace. And right now I think I'm the only one she bothers, she has no trouble taking what the other players say as true, so IDK how much I want to rock the boat. We have five adults meeting regularly for game, she's a good RP'r, she's a team player, she knows the rules enough that combat and exploration rounds go smoothly.

But I should check in with the other players and make sure everything is going as well for them as I think it is. It might be annoying them that she'll try to look up my rulings so often. That might be useful to have in my backpocket because otherwise it's just me being too sensitive.

As for the non game stuff, it's kind of embarrassing.
dantesspirit: (Default)

[personal profile] dantesspirit 2021-08-26 05:22 pm (UTC)(link)
As a DM, definitely check in with the other players. Get feedback as to how they feel about her *in the context of the group*.

Not everyone you TTRPG with is going to mesh well outside the game and that's ok. That's just being human.

But if she's being disruptive to you, chances are she's being disruptive to others and that needs to be addressed, sooner rather than later.

(Anonymous) 2021-08-26 05:41 pm (UTC)(link)
I will thank you.
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