[ SECRET POST #5351 ]

[case]

⌈ Secret Post #5351 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.


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Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 02 pages, 28 secrets from Secret Submission Post #766.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 0 - not!secrets ], [ 1 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

Comments

[(Anonymous)]

Holy shit this is why I've gotten self-conscious even acting like a normal fan about male characters I like. A girl can't possibly love a fictional man for reasons other than wanting to ~fuck~ him, huh?

[(Anonymous)]

And I've been sexually assaulted, so sorry I find people who call themselves "McCree's girl" and insist that they'll defend the old name no matter what and refuse a name change, I think I'm allowed to be pissy.

[(Anonymous)]

The first AYRT didn't know, and was asking for clarification. And later in the thread, she saw the error of her knee-jerk response when someone other than you gave an actual answer.

I get it, I'm a sexual assault survivor too. And while you're allowed to be pissy, it doesn't benefit anyone to act that way towards people who are just uninformed.

But at the same time, you don't owe anyone immediate understanding or patience. Nor do you have to conform to anything as twisted as society's view of what they perceive as "the docile victim". So I'm not saying you should have acted a different way. We get told how we "should act" too much as it is.

I'm just explaining why your comment is getting the responses it got. I personally wasn't angered by the first AYRT's initial comment, only exasperated. But I understand your reaction just as much. All of us survivors may react to things differently, but those reactions are all valid.

[(Anonymous)]

Nothing seemed to ask context tho, it came across as, "HOW DARE THEY DO THIS TO MY MAN, WHY WOULD THEY HURT MY POOR POOR MAN" to me.

[(Anonymous)]

She clarified that she was asking for context later in the thread. It doesn't read that way in her original comment, that's definitely true. Whether it was her asking all the wrong questions before being clear with what she meant, or an attempt at back-pedaling, I can't say for sure.

But since she didn't make any of that clear in the first place, I'll reiterate that there was nothing wrong with the way you reacted. Too many times, people saying things like this are actual apologists for abusers. And there's often little reason to assume good faith.

[(Anonymous)]

Original AYRT (the one who started the thread with my over the top reaction)

You're right -- I was not clear with asking context (asking "why" not as a first question/stuck between my over reaction), so I understand how my response could have been received. And yes, I could have googled, but I didn't. Looking over the thread and the secret, I admit I over reacted not knowing details (or caring to find out when I first posted -- it's a forum. I could google, but I was looking to interact). Of course I'm not against a name change, anon. My initial response was a childish fan girl response. In regards to backpedaling, all I can do is admit that I over reacted without detail, and I'm sorry that my response caused you stress/brought up things that happened to you. And I'm sorry you (and the other anon) had to go through that.

To the other anon, thanks for being patient, as you don't owe some random person online anything.

[(Anonymous)]

Google exists. If she REALLY wanted to know, she could have Googled the why it was happening before commenting about how DARE.

[(Anonymous)]

I get that. I'm the one who responded to someone else downthread who said this by saying it was an extremely tone-deaf comment, regardless of her meaning no harm.

[(Anonymous)]

Or maybe look for some context before declaring that “he’s your man, you’re his girl, and you’ll stand by him no matter what” when the rest of the room is talking about appropriate responses to sexual abuse. Just a thought.

[(Anonymous)]

That's completely true. They might have meant no harm, but their comment was tone-deaf as hell.

[(Anonymous)]

OP of thread

You're right. As anon above me stated, I was super tone deaf about the situation and posted without thinking or doing research. My initial reaction was stupid. I'm sorry if it also caused you (and anyone else) any stress/brought up painful events.

[(Anonymous)]

I'm the anon that called your comment tone-deaf, and I want to say thank you for being so understanding! I can't and won't speak for everyone. But I do appreciate it!