[ SECRET POST #5371 ]

[case]

⌈ Secret Post #5371 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.


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Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 02 pages, 33 secrets from Secret Submission Post #769.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 0 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

Comments

Re: Vent

[philstar22]

My sister is clearly dealing with the stress in her own life by coming over to our house to garden. She keeps showing up without warning and then staying for several hours. And bringing along my brother-in-law and expecting the rest of us to entertain him. I have a migraine today, I really don't have the bandwidth for this. Didn't yesterday either. But she never asks, she just shows up.

Re: Vent

[(Anonymous)]

What happens if you opt out of entertaining them and just do what you would normally do if they hadn't come over unexpectedly?

Re: Vent

[philstar22]

I'd probably get my sister's temper activated, and I really don't want to deal with that either. She can be really loud and mean. And my dad is trying to work because he's teaching a class tonight, so if I don't do it, my brother-in-law will distract my dad. And my mom had a really bad night and I don't want her to have to have any more stress.

They just left, thankfully, so I can go back to my regularly-scheduled plans.

Re: Vent

[(Anonymous)]

Sounds like your sister's temper is a really effective way to get people (or just you, in this case) jumping to meet her needs even at the expense of their own. It's your call, of course. But precedents like this are kinda bad, because people like your sister learn that all they have to do is throw a tantrum and they get rewarded with whatever they want. You, on the other hand, just get more tantrums to deal with down the line.

Your mom is an adult, yes? What if she had to deal with your sister's temper and bloated sense of entitlement herself, instead of you shielding her from it?

There's a saying: Don't set yourself on fire to keep others warm.

Re: Vent

[(Anonymous)]

They said that their mom had a bad night hence they don't want her to have to deal with it. That's not lighting yourself on fire to keep others warm, it's just being considerate.

Re: Vent

[(Anonymous)]

Phil said she had a migraine and didn't have the bandwidth for this, so it sounds like she was having a bad night, too? Don't get me wrong, sometimes it's nice to make sacrifices for other people. If Phil's mom often reciprocates by doing the same for her, then that's good. But it's not healthy to do this regularly, especially when you're all making sacrifices in order to manage the nasty temper of a family member who behaves in selfish, toxic ways.

Re: Vent

[(Anonymous)]

Since this keeps happening it may be time to schedule a sit down and talk to both of them. A time when she hasn't invited herself over in a snit so maybe she'll listen. And talk to your BIL too. He is presumably a grown man who should be able to entertain himself (preferably in his own house).

Though I have also just pretended to not be home (my doors are always locked) when someone I don't want to deal with stops by.

Re: Vent

[meadowphoenix]

I have to assume that if you're venting about it you dislike your sister's behavior, but you're mostly comfortable with your own, taking responsibility of your parent's reactions, in response. But if you ever are not okay with that, I will say dealing with difficult people is very annoying and I understand the urge to manage that for people you see as less able to manage it, but that for the most part people are more able to manage difficult people if they're given the change to do so by themselves and that if nobody's asking you to do this and they're not acknowledging the work you're doing that you may be doing yourself a disservice.