[ SECRET POST #5500 ]

[case]

⌈ Secret Post #5500 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.


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Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 01 pages, 15 secrets from Secret Submission Post #787.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 0 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

Comments

[fscom]

03. https://i.imgur.com/kzPSmco.png

[(Anonymous)]

Same here, OP. Several scenes in the movie really hit me hard, especially that one scene between Abuela and Mirabel after Isabela’s song.

[(Anonymous)]

I feel this.
I'm the third and last sister in a family with three sisters, so I'm basically Mirabel in this scenario and I was always the black sheep in my family. Nobody really cared for me and my dreams. I was mostly invisible if I was not creating any problem and thus in needing of some scolding.
My oldest sister was the perfect golden child with perfect school grades who got into one of the best Med schools, basically Isabela. I envied her for a long time and hated her because she bullied me (she envied me because being the third child means having more freeedom and less expectations), but then she dropped out school and became one of those crazy antivax person. She's happier than ever, but I can't stand her because of her hurtful beliefs so no happy ending there.
The middle sister has had a very similar role to Luisa in my family. She was the most reliable and stable character in the whole family so she suffered from anxiety and constant pressure to be the peace keeper. She's better now and we have a good relationship, but I try not to rely too much on her because she still has some problems.

Me, I'm mostly by myself and can't relate to my family at all, if not to my "Luisa". I studied a foreign language and got out of my family house as soon as I could. I lived in the opposite part of the world for 5 years. I'm back there now because of mental health problems and because I wanted to spend some time with my parents before they grow too old, but as soon as I'm "done" with therapy and I can move back to my other country I'm out of here. I'm still the last of my family and nobody see the *real* me.

All this rambling just to say I GET YOU, NONNY. My family is like the Madrigal in the first act of the story. I cried like a little baby when I heard Mirabel's "waiting on a miracle" because that was my life when I was younger. Now I'm better, but thinking about my childhood is still bittersweet.

Regarding your "credibility as a man", I'm really sorry you feel like that. Society's expectations tied to masculinity are very damaging. IMHO the strongest men I've known are the one that have the courage to be vulnerable despite everyone else saying that they shouldn't be. Take care, OP.

OP

[(Anonymous)]

Thanks for sharing. I'm glad you're doing better, that sounds like a stressful environment growing up. Someone will see you eventually, I'm sure of it (kind of ironic to say that on anon, but we take what we can get, LOL).

Yeah, I try and remember that all the male teachers I looked up to weren't narcissistic, raging jerks, just men who were doing their best and providing for the community - more often than not, that meant expressing their feelings, too. That's the kind of man I want to be. Cheers

[(Anonymous)]

You're valid, OP (not that you need some random online telling you that, but in most societies, men crying about ANYTHING is just generally frowned upon, and that's bullshit because we all have feelings. I mean last time I checked, regardless of gender, we're all human beings who need love, right? Ever since we're born we need it. I'm a lady, so take it as you wish).

This movie made me cry quite a bit lol I wasn't expecting it. They got me from the start (especially when they were describing the familia and the whole everyone together just made me feel seen /also kinda first gen, sort of but not anyway -- to the whole I'll find myself where's my gift song etc.).

Anyway, I hope you and your family heal in time, if that's something you all need.

[(Anonymous)]

I sometimes wonder if immigrant families are really dysfunctional or if American ideas of function are weird.

That's not to diminish the dysfunction that does actually exist and hurts us. Even if your family is saintly, immigration is often traumatizing af, and that gets passed on to the kids.

That being said, when I hear a family is dysfunctional for believing the kids should stay close to the family unit or being generally up in each others' business, I think that's culturally closed-minded.

OP

[(Anonymous)]

Immigration is traumatizing and even more traumatizing for people who have already gone through some s**t. My mother's life back in her country sounds like a nightmare. (Being a victim of sexual assault, witnessing sexual assault, marriage and pregnancy issues...) She reminds me heavily of Abuela.

I like the collectivist aspects of my culture. I don't agree with people who say that I should only think of myself - that's just not how that works - maybe that's the guilt and shame talking, I don't know. At the same time, I've been fighting for a while to even have the right to go to therapy because said mother thinks a conversion to her religion would solve all of my problems. And so on

[(Anonymous)]

Your feelings are completely valid, OP, and I'm sorry that society conditions men to think that there's something wrong with them for feeling emotional.

I really connected to this movie too. I've played the role of the perfect one, the strong one, and the odd one out at various points in my life and I've never seen the struggle of those roles played out so well on screen.

[(Anonymous)]

Hey OP, I just wanted to say, that even recognizing that dissonance within yourself as harmful is very hard. You are doing great.

Yeah, I don't have the immigrant experience per se (maybe? the grandmother that really didn't like me was an immigrant, but she wasn't like the other side of my family where my great grandparents actually had the "fleeing from death, destruction, and persecution to try for a better life for the next generation and themselves," and they were dead before I was born), but both Luisa and Isabella's personal stories, as well as Abuela's story, hit me really hard, because of where my family came from and my own place in my family. It's hard seeing such a clean resolution and change when you know how that stuff works in real life and not a Disney film. But, I think the more I think about it the more I like the reconciliation and return of the magic, because of symbolic reasons. I would like that to happen in life. Even if it never happened in mine.

But your feelings are super valid to be touchy about the ending. It's very hard stuff, and a lot of families don't fix it or reconcile with it.

[(Anonymous)]

It was bittersweet for me too. More bitter than sweet, really. My sister and I were making wry jokes about how unrealistic it was because Abuela realized she did something wrong and apologized for it, lol.

I suppose it probably wasn't supposed to come off this way because of her tragic past and all, but all I saw in Abuela was vicious narcissism, and how her abuse damaged everyone around her. I didn't actually believe that she'd changed in the end, I don't believe she loved Mirabel, I don't think anyone would have actually bounced back the way they did. I know, I know, it's a Disney movie, but good god it hit way too close to home.

[(Anonymous)]

I made peace with it by focusing on the theory that Mirabel IS the miracle and is slated to become the head of the house once Abuela kicks it. And she'll be 1000x a better abuela than hers was.

[(Anonymous)]

That flashback scene hits like a ton of bricks. I've cried both times I watched it. I have many thoughts, but none of them are that interesting. There are a bunch of things I don't want to watch/read because they're "too real" and I get that too.

I think it's good that you're recognizing your feelings and I hope you'll feel comfortable with them and with sharing them and all that.