[ SECRET POST #5519 ]

[case]

⌈ Secret Post #5519 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.


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Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 02 pages, 34 secrets from Secret Submission Post #790.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 0 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

Comments

[(Anonymous)]

I've had this internal struggle recently. I write a lot of smut, and I see fellow smut writers in my fandom mostly go along the lines of, "Please forgive my sins"/"I'm not a good writer pls, why are you saying I'm a good writer?!"

Some way of shaming the smut they write and/or putting themselves down.

I advocate to strip away shame from sex, especially femme/female sexuality, and I am trying to work on being confident and sincere with myself (again especially as a woman!). So when I got some comments complimenting my works recently, I get the feeling that it's a common courtesy to be like, "Stop! No! I can't believe anyone would like my crappy stories!"/"*hides face in shame* I needed holy water after I wrote that".
But like, I'm not ashamed that people found my smut hot. And I choose not to joke about shame over sex because FUCK SEXUAL SHAME.
And then for the self depreciation, I am proud of my works! It fills my heart with joy that people enjoy my works. I am humbled, like I am in disbelief that others see value in my works, but I won't put myself down just because I'm worried it will come off like I'm bragging or arrogant.

I've worried before that people might find my responses arrogant because I say thanks while I don't self depreciate or shame. But as a WOC from a patriarchal conservative upbringing, there is so much pressure for girls/women not excel past men (and to be utterly ashamed of being a woman as well as being ashamed of sex) and I need to stand up for myself and be proud of who I am. Fanfic writing is part of my life so I won't be performing false modesty just because there's some kind of unspoken rule about it.

And that's not to say that I don't have insecurities. I have read fanfics and watched video essays that are so well written that I don't think I could ever come close to being as good as. I ALWAYS see shortcomings and mistakes of works I've published. There are fics I've written that I can't look at because I feel like it was a poorly written fic. Like, I struggle too! I don't think I'm a better writer than most of the writers in my fandom. I'm actually constantly in awe of the talent and creativity of the fandom!!! I have days/weeks where I feel like everything I write is shit and maybe I have been wrong all along and I'm an arrogant shitty writer tripping on my own ego and the truth is here now at my lowest: I am a bad writer after all.

But all writers suffer! That's why we write! We don't need to perform our struggles in public IMO. How can I keep writing and wanting to improve myself if I don't encourage and love myself more? While I like the kudos and compliments, I'm writing and posting fics I want to read. I'm not really too concerned about cultivating an audience and coming off relatable.

TL;DR Writers should be authentic to themselves. Fandom as you want, but don't feel pressured to act a certain way. Writing is a personal endeavor, we don't have to act a certain way to be a "good" fanfic writer. I mean, obviously don't be a jerk but focus on you and don't focus too much on how others receive you when you're talking about your writings.

[(Anonymous)]

All of this!! This is a great comment!