fandomsecrets | [ SECRET POST #5575 ]

[ SECRET POST #5575 ]

⌈ Secret Post #5575 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

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Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 02 pages, 27 secrets from Secret Submission Post #798.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 0 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

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01. https://i.imgur.com/8GLN2yB.png

I relate to this secret somewhat, but man, that last paragraph... cosigned.

+1
I don't give a toss how much people side-eye the dynamic, old guys just tend to be fucking hot and I'll happily ship one with a younger girl since that's far more interesting than a perfectly age-balanced dilf/milf ship would be.

Irl it does tend to be inherently creepy, but in fic? Meh, whatever floats your boat.

yeah and tbh, maybe I'm misremembering, but I distinctly recall people in the past arguing that it was NBD in fic because it was also NBD and fine and unproblematic in real life. I think that was on here, actually. my memory isn't always the best so it's very possible I'm misremembering but I do remember it.

I agree that YKINMK and we shouldn't police peoples' fic or fantasies, and people who are policing peoples' fic or fantasies in any way are dead wrong and I do not support them at all, I am not endorsing them or agreeing with them or saying anything good about them, I reject them in every way. but I also think being a little more cautious and aware in how we talk about this is probably good.

SA

(Anonymous) - 2022-04-11 23:29 (UTC) - Expand

Re: SA

(Anonymous) - 2022-04-12 08:23 (UTC) - Expand

DA

I don't think it's inherently creepy irl. I think there's a huge difference between and older person falling for or wanting to date a particular person who happens to be younger, and someone who is deliberately seeking out much younger partners to date.

Older person/younger person relationships can be creepy irl, but they aren't inherently so.

(no subject)

(Anonymous) - 2022-04-11 23:55 (UTC) - Expand

(no subject)

(Anonymous) - 2022-04-12 00:41 (UTC) - Expand

(no subject)

(Anonymous) - 2022-04-12 03:21 (UTC) - Expand

(no subject)

(Anonymous) - 2022-04-12 08:33 (UTC) - Expand

Either it tends to be creepy or it's inherently creepy. It can't be both at the same time. If it "tends to be" creepy, that means there are factors that enable creepiness, but there are exceptions where those factors aren't in play. If it's inherently creepy, then the creepiness is part of what makes it what it is and can't be avoided.

"but, IME, most people supported YKINMK"
I don't think this is true and I think you're over-generalizing your specific fandom spaces a bit. I would actually posit that it's a much more accepted norm now than it was before, but that fandom spaces being more generally open has occluded that. The echo chamber might seem louder, because it's frankly much bigger, but there aren't actually as many voices, imo.

But anyway, there are plenty of fandoms where this trope is tried and true OP.

You haven't been around very long, have you?

(no subject)

meadowphoenix - 2022-04-12 00:14 (UTC) - Expand

I think people side eyeing people's personal fantasies are weird. Personal fantasy is personal. Who cares what gets someone off as long as they aren't forcing it on anyone else?

Although I'm not as into this dynamic as I was when I was younger, and in fact am probably more into the older woman/younger man now (though more than anything my current dynamic is close in age), this was my favorite dynamic for a long time.

There are a lot of people in the world who equate any kink that makes them personally uncomfortable with that kink being inherently bad.

(no subject)

philstar22 - 2022-04-11 23:33 (UTC) - Expand

Honestly? Hot take? Het couples with age gaps tend to get judged way too harshly as well. Old adults aren't inherently any more predatory than young adults are. It's mostly confirmation bias whenever said couples break up and outsiders immediately assume the age gap caused all the problems.

I agree, although I do think it can be creepy when much older adults have a pattern of deliberately seeking out 19-20-year-olds to date. That looks to me like they may be looking for a partner that they can more easily manipulate or control.

(no subject)

(Anonymous) - 2022-04-11 23:56 (UTC) - Expand

Now that I'm older, I enjoy both versions!!! I like the age difference and power imbalance. I like the older man/younger woman imbalance because there's something really sexy about a very assertive guy and NGL I enjoy the dumbification of the woman where she just goes with everything. IRL I don't want this at all but in fiction, it's so hot!! As for an older woman/younger man, I like both how the woman manipulates a young, naive guy and he whimpers and whines but loves the corruption as well as the sweet mommy setup where she is his protector and takes good care of a dumb but sweet boy.

As a teen I only had crushes on older men and was perfectly able to understand the imbalances in older/younger relationships without a stranger on the internet yelling at me about it. Fiction was a safe way to engage with the type of relationship that appealed to me, but that I didn't want in real life. I always felt pretty awkward about it tbh and I'm so glad I didn't have self-appointed moral guardians after me as well.

I enjoy an older woman/younger man relationship in media, but don't see it all that often. I don't mind older man/younger woman, though, but even if I disliked it, I wouldn't care if other people liked it.

I like you OP and I agree 100%. As for the kink in itself, I'm less into it these days, but it doesn't bother me either if one of my ship happen to fall into this dynamic. Like you said fantasy isn't reality and YKISNMKAIF. I'll add that people in fandom really need to learn how to mind their own fanbusiness in general. As long as nothing truly illegal is being done, bugger off and let other fans enjoy what they enjoy, dislike what they dislike.

*happens

As a teen, I definitely crushed on the older dudes who were like twenty something years old. As an adult, I crush on the silver foxes. ;D

For me nowadays, I tend to want age gaps to be reasonable in the fiction I absorb (like someone in their 30s dating someone in their 60s or whatever), but I got no guff on folks who go for the more risque parts of this fantasy. Like it's your private fantasy man, have fun.

I've always been a fan of older man/younger woman (and I've always liked older men IRL as well -- some of these men are fine as hell lol). I don't think I've ever seen an older woman/younger man relationship done in a way I like/or that didn't leave me feeling kinda...ehhh? Or eugh? I'm sure it's out there, so folks who enjoy it, continue to enjoy! I've even tried it out and started writing fic with an older woman/younger man, but it wasn't a terribly large gap (I doubt it was even ten years, really)

As someone with the opposite taste, I support this! My love for older woman/younger man is absolutely not less problematic or more morally superior than the reverse. I love it because my taste in men hasn't aged along with me.

DA

As someone who was mostly attracted to older men when I was young, I didn't start crushing on guys younger than me until I was in my 40s! (35-50something has always been the hottest age range to me)

Once you get past your early 20s or so, it's all Adult Swim and it's all fine. :)

Late to the party!

I enjoy both OM/YW and OW/YM. But the creep factor of the OM/YW makes it especially appealing to me. And given that the girl in my OTP is underage as well... ubercreepy. Part of the fun for me is that I like to portray it in such a way that the guy KNOWS it's creepy and the girl totally doesn't understand why... it's just such a fun dynamic to play with. It works well for me when the girl is the aggressor. Like the guy has to resist her charms because he knows it's wrong. I can still enjoy it the other way around, but it definitely ups the creep factor if he's the pushy one.

YKINMK should make the world go round. I don't hang out in enough fannish spaces to be able to comment on that, just... it's common courtesy!

As a former Buffy/Giles shipper (well, Giles/everyone tbh), was there ever a time when young woman/older man was acceptable? Because I distinctly recall being told that my children should be taken away for writing it.

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