fandomsecrets | [ SECRET POST #5649 ]

[ SECRET POST #5649 ]

⌈ Secret Post #5649 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

01.

[Ted Lasso]

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04.

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05. [SPOILERS for Jurassic World Dominion]

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06. [SPOILERS for Jurassic World Dominion]

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07. [WARNING for discussion of marital infidelity]

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08. [WARNING for discussion of incest]

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09. [WARNING for discussion of child abuse, sexualization of children]

Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 00 pages, 00 secrets from Secret Submission Post #808.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 0 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

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So, long story short, I have a very good friend who is a Disney Adult, for lack of a better term. She loves Disney and has been over 100 times, has multiple tattoos of Disney characters, etc. I'm happy she enjoys it but I am sooooo not into Disney. Now I love star wars and have no real issue with Disney buying it, but I'm just not into the whole theme park thing, you know? But lately my friend has been talking about the two of us going to Disney together. She doesn't drive or fly so I'd be the one driving my car, a full day's drive one way, at great expense for gas, and then there's hotels, food, and tickets for the actual park. She wants to stay a week. I haven't expanded on this much but I got the vague idea that she wants to split the cost of some things but not everything, so I have no real idea what she expects. Honestly I'd rather get a root canal than go to Disney.

I guess my question is, how can I gently let her know that I don't want to do any of this? Ever?

You're just going to have to be honest about it. There is no 'gentle' way to say that you aren't interested in what sounds to be her main passion in life.

Just go with her, chances are you'll ask her to do something that she thinks sucks. Friendship is being there for something you hate, knowing that they'll be with you for something they do.

That's a hell of a lot of money to spend on something you know you're going to hate.

I've spent more on worse.

Why tho? Not all of us can just toss away a chunk of money like that.

I mean that's cool, but not everyone has that budget? I'd humor a friend on maybe going to see a movie I'm not that into, or eat at a restaurant I don't like.

Disney is hundreds and hundreds spent...

I've done holidays where there was compromise between what to do with friends, but not entirely one-sided ones. It's just too damn expensive.

Then that's your poor decision making. Don't try and normalize it for the rest of us.

I’ve paid to see movies that I didn’t want to see because my friends wanted to see them, but I wouldn’t spend a shit ton of money to go on a road trip to an amusement park that I have no interest in seeing.

Fuck no. I'm not saying there aren't situations where a person might go along just to be a good pal, but that's more along the lines of going to a restaurant you don't like that much because your friend loves it, not doing ALL the driving and laying out a considerable amount of money for gas, admission, food, etc. when none of that interests you.

Seriously, wtf is wrong with you? I hope you don't exhibit such doormat tendencies IRL.

OP is talking about something that would last a whole week and cost thousands of dollars. It's not like going to a movie or a restaurant or a sports game you don't care about to make your friend happy. It's a serious investment of money and time.

Yeah, I guess that sounds nice, but personally I wouldn't want my friends to spend that much money and time doing a thing that they won't enjoy and I also wouldn't want my friends to treat me like a baby who can't do things without them.

Honesty’s the best policy. If she’s a good friend, she’ll understand. My best friend wanted to go on a cruise with me, but I told her I didn’t want to go because I was scared of it going all Titanic on me and she was fine with it. She went on a cruise with another friend and we planned a different thing for ourselves when she came back.

If that won’t work, can you tell her you’re super broke and you just can’t go? Or that you’re saving up for a huge expense and can’t afford a Disney trip?

"Thanks for thinking of me, but I'm actually not really into theme parks and I don't think this is something I'd enjoy. How about we do X together instead?"

X = something you know she'll enjoy and that you can also find some value in, within a budget you know you can afford.

In your place I'd just say that it wouldn't be my kind of thing next time that she brings it up. If she's just putting the idea out there she has probably also considered that you might not be into it and I don't think it would be a big deal in the long term, even if she's a little disappointed in the short term.

I once had someone suggest we go to a country music festival on the other side of the country together, which really isn't my cup of tea. They understood and weren't offended, although it was a different situation, I didn't think we knew each other that well. I guess with a close friend the stakes are higher, but it's also more likely that they will understand and not want to damage a friendship over it.

This is the kind of thing that you might ask your friend if they were up for, but no reasonable person would just expect their friend to be on board with something that demands so much time and money.

You could offer to help her plan the trip for herself. Or you could show your support in some other way, like offering to do a Disney marathon with her (if you think you could handle that many Disney movies in a day). Or just offer to watch her pick of Disney movie with her and be as engaged and positive as you can about it.

If she does decide to go without you, show your support by asking her about her plans. If you want to be a really good friend you could even see if you can give her something for her trip, like a gift card to somewhere she might want to eat, or store credit for a shop on the premises or something. This isn't something you have to do to be a good friend--it's just an Extra Friend Bonus Points kind of gesture.

But if she doesn't respect that you aren't up for this trip, that is really not a good sign for the friendship. I mean, she can be disappointed, maybe she even sulks about it for a day. But if she doesn't get over her disappointment and respect your boundaries pretty quick, that's her being a bad friend, not you.

lmao there is no gently here...

but to go off of the two anons above me with good advice...do the math. Literally calculate the cost of the hotel for X days, the travel expenses, the meal expenses based on in-park prices (you would be able to find these online somewhere), etc. Look at that number. Be shocked by that number.

And then tell your "friend" that you can't afford that number. Make any excuses you have to if there is any wiggle room (e.g. "if you eat ramen for 3 months you can afford that!" or "you had a bonus coming, didn't you?") to straight out say no, you CAN NOT AFFORD THAT. Do not accept any financial help offers from the friend, because if they can afford to do it regularly they may think that any denial on your part can be made up for.

My roommate wanted to do Disney ONCE, just to say they did. It was 3 days and cost THOUSANDS, staying in a hotel on the property but trying to not eat every meal there. They could afford it, but will never do it again and are satisfied with the cost-benefit balance. For some people, the experience is worth the costs. For others, there is nothing about the experience that will be valued by the cost. It sounds like you're one of the latter, OP, so do whatever you can to justify not affording the cost no matter how much money your "friend" wants to throw at you. This isn't like a vacation where you're driving and spending $50/night at a hotel. Disney is thousands of dollars even if you cheap out as much as you can.

(that said, I would have spent $30-50 US to go to Tokyo Disney if my roommate had a comperable sacrifice to do something in Japan that I wanted to do, but that would have literally just been the park cost, not hotels/food/travel/transportation. Thankfully, I am now absolved of that duty)

"You know I love hanging out with you, but it's not really my thing."

Yeah if she's really your friend, she should understand that you shouldn't have to pay for something you're not into the same way as her.

I was in a similar situation with a friend who wanted to go to France for Disneyland (its the nearest one to us), and although I don't mind Disney I fucking hate theme parks and crowds - so I had to tell her that I didn't want to go and don't have the kind of money for it anyway. She got mad at me but got over it.

Seconding what others have said about jsut telling her that this isn't something that you'd ever want to do with her. That said, if there's a similar "big vacation" type thing that you would do with her, maybe bring that up when you let her down. You know, let her know that it's not that you don't want to do this with *her*, it's that you don't want to do this period.

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[ SECRET POST #5649 ]

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