fandomsecrets | [ SECRET POST #5664 ]

[ SECRET POST #5664 ]

⌈ Secret Post #5664 ⌋

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I'm so tired of my mom's obsession with sex. Something came up earlier about someone being gay and discriminated against and her response was "you shouldn't discriminate against someone just because of what they do sexually", trying to be supportive, and I said that it wasn't just about what they do sexually, people will have issue with someone walking down the street holding hands with their same-sex partner and she was like "but that's a sexual act" and said no one would ever hold hands with someone unless they wanted to have sex with them and that the "whole point" of romance and relationships was sex. (And then starting talking about oral sex like it's some super rare thing that hardly anyone does, which I just found sort of amusing.) Eventually I just gave up because the topic has come up before and it never goes anywhere, but as someone who's ace and biromantic it really bothers me that "queer=sex" in her mind. I guess I should be happy that she's not homophobic but...I don't know. This probably doesn't make any sense, but it bugs me.

WTF? How is holding hands a "sexual act"?

Indeed?! Someone holding hands with their kid?! - which I saw today on the way to the Park, and very sensible it was too because it was at a road crossing.

Quite apart from any other considerations.

Nah, that makes total sense to me. Your mom has some screws loose. Didn't she hold your hand when you were a kid? Don't many parents hold their children's hands? It's weird to sexualize something like that and insist that doing so is normal.

"no one would ever hold hands with someone unless they wanted to have sex with them" is a burning hot take. I must've been doing life wrong then...

Leaving that aside, as an ace person whose alive relatives have big sexual urges and concerns... Felt that.

My mom tried so hard to get me to have a positive attitude about sex from the time I was old enough to know what it was, and she told me she was doing it because I needed to know the rest of society would tell me sex was bad and shameful and prepare me to know that that wasn't true and I shouldn't be ashamed for loving sex because sex is the most mind-blowing thing I'll ever experience. There's a lot to unpack there! I appreciate her good intentions, but I also turned out to be ace and aro too, but those identities were invisible when I was a kid and my mom insisting that I'd love sex when I grew up didn't help with me figuring myself out.

nayrt

Er... yeah, sounds a little TMI, especially if you were just a kid. Sex isn't shameful, but I don't think it's something to pressure people into, either.

NAYRT - I'm also ace and I feel this. Obviously sex positivity is a very good, very important thing, and I am wholly in favor of it, culturally. But man, it can be weirdly a bummer for me as an ace person, because often there is an element of feeling like sex is being pushed onto you, and this sort of attitude that invalidates people who aren't interested in sex. The invalidation is mostly not intentional, but it's still pretty pervasive.

My mom wasn't that sex positive (she's not really intellectual enough to have any strong political convictions, including concerted sex positivity), but she was mostly sex positive, and I appreciate her intentions, I really do, but because I was ace it actually just made me feel worse about myself as a teen. And she still doesn't really get it. She still wants me to just "try it" with some guy, even after all these years. She doesn't understand that it will basically feel like volunteering to be raped (which is a contradiction in terms, obviously, but if you're ace then you probably get what I mean). In my early twenties she plainly asked me if I was a lesbian, and I could see the hopefulness fade from her face when I convincingly asserted that I wasn't. It would be so much easier for her if I was a lesbian; she could understand me if I was a lesbian--if I just liked sex with someone.

NAYRT
Hah-ha, same. My parents WISH I was lesbian, but nope I am aroace.

DA
Hahaha, yeah, sounds familiar. My mother also basically told me she would have preferred me to be a lesbian instead of something like /gestures vaguely/ ~that~.

Ugh, I'm sorry. A random dude? Really? Even if you aren't ace, that sounds like dangerous advice.

DA
I have similar stuff a lot in my life. For example my colleague (!) once said to me that I should just hook up with some random guy to have a kid. Because it's going to be too late (tm).
My friend is also an ace and her now ex-friend was trying to set her with a guy because this guy (!!!) needed a sexual partner. She also was pressuring my friend into sex because "everyone don't like it at first". Please save me.

I have a mental horror catalog of this shit.

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[ SECRET POST #5664 ]

Just need to vent

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