[ SECRET POST #5726 ]

[case]

⌈ Secret Post #5726 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.


01.



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02. https://i.imgur.com/XNRVKS8.png
[OP marked NSFW]


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03. https://i.imgur.com/hIlZV9G.jpg
[OP warned for clowns]


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04. [SPOILERS for Xenoblade Chronicles 3]




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05. [SPOILERS for Arknights: Rhodes Island's Records of Originium]




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06. [SPOILERS for Final Fantasy XIV: Endwalker]




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07. [SPOILERS for She-Hulk]




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08. [WARNING for discussion of suicide]

[The Mortuary Assistant]


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09. [WARNING for discussion of suicide]




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10. [WARNING for discussion of dubcon/underage]




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11. [WARNING for discussion of suicide]




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12. [WARNING for discussion of ableism]




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13. [WARNING for discussion of sexual violence]

(Judge Dredd)
















Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 00 pages, 00 secrets from Secret Submission Post #819.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 0 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

Comments

[(Anonymous)]

It's definitely the "emotional support" part for me. I've had way too much experience being a part-time feelings-sponge and punching bag for other people's issues, and finally teaching myself to stop giving a shit about other people's problems--real or not!--has been a gigantic boon for my own mental health.

[(Anonymous)]

I'm not the anon you're talking to, but I personally can't do any more friendships of the type you are just subjected to their constant trauma dumping and self-absorbedness; whether it's fandom or not. Note that I'm not even tying any of this to any sort of disability/diagnosis, it's just the heavily skewed dynamic and having to absorb other people's issues when, if any, rarely devote nearly as much time nor energy towards yours.

I'm not the beacon of health and sanity either, but at least I'm doing my best to not bore people with my problems either.

[(Anonymous)]

Well, respecting boundaries is an important part of a good friendship.

[(Anonymous)]

NAYRT

I agree with a lot of the words written in this little thread.

I've seen how I've failed as a friend having been on both sides of such a dynamic.

If the friendship is genuine, you and your friend would talk to each other about your boundaries and how to navigate being there for each other and knowing when you have to step back on your expectations. Like, it's a lot of work. Obviously, you know yourself best, if you feel drained or bad/negative, it doesn't make you a bad person and it's OK to realize you aren't compatible with someone even as just friends.

[(Anonymous)]

DA

This is a big part of the problem, though, because, e.g., I have a very close fandom friend who is disabled, bipolar, and has PTSD from an abusive childhood, and I've given up trying to talk about myself and I've withdrawn from talking to her as much because constantly being supportive of her is exhausting, and if she says something horrible or insensitive (which she does frequently because she's on the spectrum as well), I can't remonstrate with her even gently because she will burst into tears and be utterly destroyed by even the slightest sign of hurt from me. She takes my hurt and turns it into her own drama.

[(Anonymous)]

DA

Hey nonny you may not be looking for any advice or anything like that but I'm sorry.

You are a good friend but if the ways you interact with your friend drains you more than is fulfilling to you it's OK to take a step back from the friendship.

Your feelings matter too. Hers shouldn't always trump yours.

A good relationship needs to come with a lot of sitting down and talking things through.

Of course, if you feel like you still value a friendship with the difficult things that make it hard for her to keep up a healthy relationship then there is no judgment from this nonny. You're a good friend and very patient and kind to continue to be there for your friend.

However, know that it's OK to walk away from relationships where the things you can't control are more than what you can handle. Your mental health and wellbeing matters too.

[(Anonymous)]

Thanks, I'm going to try to take your advice and take at least a little step back. I can't walk away completely. But it's good to hear someone doesn't think I'm a horrible person for needing a bit of a break.

[(Anonymous)]

What's helped me in dealing with a very similar situation is looking up advice about dealing with "emotional vampires". It's a very silly term for a very common and serious phenomenon; it helped me to know I wasn't alone, and wasn't /mean/ for wanting it to stop.

[(Anonymous)]

I will check it out, thanks.

[(Anonymous)]

I work in retail and it amazes me how much customers will dump their entire lives and traumas on to us. When I ask how you're doing, it's meant as a polite customer service thing; it's not an invitation to stall a queue of ten people to tell me in detail about how you hate your job, how your children never call or how you've just had a vasectomy that your wife didn't want you to have and your marriage is hanging by a thread as a result.

I hope you're okay, genuinely, but I don't know you and I'm paid to be polite and serve, not to be a therapist.

[(Anonymous)]

i used to work on a returns counter in retail and the number of people who dump their entire life on you because they think you'll be sympathetic enough to break every policy you have for them is horrifying, and then you tell them that no you can't refund something you opened and used already because you don't like the colour and it's "omg i can't deal with this" and tears etc

there was one customer whose somebody or other (her dad, maybe, i forget) had recently died and she was literally and openly using it as an excuse to be rude and obnoxious to everybody who was trying to help her

i'm not your therapist, you're not getting a refund, this is why i'm now emotionally dead

[(Anonymous)]

But honestly the way society treats people who have lost a loved one is very anti-love so please forgive her for going through it. Experience.