fandomsecrets | [ SECRET POST #5791 ]

[ SECRET POST #5791 ]

⌈ Secret Post #5791 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

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Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 02 pages, 49 secrets from Secret Submission Post #829.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 0 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
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I know a person in my friend group who raises too much red flags for me. They are not openly bigoted, but a lot of small things are starting to snowball. Like I am pretty sure I heard them misgendering person we know, or openly being scornful towards slash pairing. I know, that shipping isn't activism but it was fishy.
And so on.
I am being really careful because I am from the country that is extremely -phobic towards, well, everything and I can't judge too harshly. Also I can't always start discourse because it isn't safe thing to do. But I think stopping endorsing bigotry in a friend group is on me.

Yes. You think you heard someone mistake pronouns and have different shipping preferences than you. It's paranoid to think they're a bigot based off of two relatively innocent things you are "pretty sure" you heard them say. You sound 14 and you need to take a giant chill pill. To me it seems like you're trying to prove you aren't like the rest of your country by finding someone more problematic than you.

But ok, lets dig deeper. Did anyone correct this (potential) misgendering? How did this person react to being corrected? Did they acknowledge a mistake, say thank you for the correction and move on or did they scoff and demean the concept of that pronoun fitting that person?

They might dislike (a? all?) slash pairing(s). Do they dislike slash because they feel it sidelines female characters? Because it often forces characters into specific roles that override their canon personalities? Because men are icky? Because sex/romance is icky? Because icky straight women are enjoying something somewhere? Because life is short and they only want to read Gen? Do they hate one specific pairing for other reasons? Everyone's tastes are different, and unless they're being super anti about it and being rude to people who do like slash based on stereotypes there's no reason to assume this is a negative about their moral character and I say this as a long time slash fan.

This person could be a jerk and a bigot but so could literally everyone on earth. Keep your ears open for intentional unkindness not for mistakes or different preferences.

I name this couple of things as what it supposed to be - an example. Because they are pretty innocent on their own, but they are not so innocent when you see A LOT of them.
Like there isn't anything wrong with preferring gen or het or anything at all, but when you talk in passing about your otp in a fandom group and you hear something like "oh, it's slash, how annoying" excuse me for being a bit paranoid. And then it topped with shit like "why this character is black they were not black in this booook"...

I've told about my country not because I want to show how I am so pure and progressive, but to show WHY transgender person can be wary, or just too tired to correct someone. I think you don't really grasp what it means living in a place there you can't openly talk about your sexuality or gender.

So you're not going to answer any of the questions I asked? Just more generic, surface level comments? Do you even know this person or are they just another member in your discord chat?

OK.

You don't like this person and that's fine. Its honestly OK to not enjoy the company of every single human being you know. Spend less time with them, focus on other people, if they break into a conversation to be rude say "I don't appreciate that" or "No one asked" and move on. Because if you tried to start a purge in my friend group because someone whined about an adptation change I would think you were starting some unnecessary drama.

nayrt but I kind of feel like you're missing some of the things they said, on top of being judgmental yourself. They basically said "hey, something doesn't seem right here" and you took it as an opportunity to call them immature and lecture them for being judgmental. It doesn't seem like you're listening to them at all, aside from the parts that annoy you.

Which sucks because you have some good points about digging further into someone's behavior and speaking out against terrible comments.

OP
Heh, thanks. I didn't think my English was that bad.
They had some good points, but somehow starting dialog with "you must be really young and naive for... *checks post* seeing patterns" seems not the best strategy

This.

Way to completely ignore what they actually said, and show zero self-awareness or awareness that people's lives and realities in different countries can be very different to your own.

Also, whining that a character who was white in the book is being played by a black person is indisputably racist.

+infinity

I am so sorry, what questions should I answer? You start your questions assuming my immaturity and not for example that I am a person of different culture from yours who uses language that isn't native to me to communicate. Even though all clues were there.
Did anyone correct pronouns use? No. That is one of the reasons I am not sure that I heard them right.

This is a person in my friend group and I actually like them. So I want to decide mostly to myself what do I do, if I want to stop our communication or if I want to try and help to change their views. Or maybe I am just been burnt a lot and I see things that are not there. Why do I use this place to work it through? Why the hell not.
Also I am not starting drama?? Do you see me saying that I had discourse over adaptation? Or I am purging anyone? Oh wait, you probably actually see it. Me disliking bigotry is somehow is a drama. Sure

So you just woke up and decided to be an obtuse asshole today huh.

Assume they're an idiot before concluding they're malicious. It's kinder.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

[ SECRET POST #5791 ]

Can't decide if I am being paranoid

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