fandomsecrets | [ SECRET POST #5855 ]

[ SECRET POST #5855 ]

⌈ Secret Post #5855 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

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Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 02 pages, 32 secrets from Secret Submission Post #838.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 0 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ].
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So, I wrote for a Secret Santa gift exchange this past holiday. My piece was fairly well-received by the fandom at large, which is nice.

However, my giftee has yet to say anything about it, three weeks after it was posted.

Two weeks ago, she sent me a message saying, "I'm going to start reading it tonight!" Haven't heard a peep from her since.

It's making me completely second-guess myself. Her prompt was bare bones, so in my anon messages to her during the writing period, I picked her brain a bit, asking what tropes she liked, and then included them in the fic. I tailored the story as well I could to the little I knew about her and her preferences.

But now all I can think is that I must have gotten it wrong. I must have written something she hates, and she doesn't feel she can tell me.

I'm at once crestfallen and selfish. Crestfallen, because I worked hard on the piece, and I wanted so much for her to like it, for it to be what she was looking for. Selfish, because I'm not entitled to her acknowledgement. If she doesn't want to say anything, then that's her prerogative. If she doesn't want to read it at all, then that's also her prerogative.

I don't know. Mostly it just feels rude. When it comes to exchanges, I always make sure to read the work of my gift-giver as soon as possible, and to give them feedback, because they've worked hard to make something for me. Maybe that's a silly feeling.

Has this ever happened to anyone else? How did you feel about it?

oh shit that reminds me I never responded to something from 2 months ago

If she's anything like me, it just slipped her mind because time is a big haze of who even knows anymore.

My friend did a secret santa exchange where her giftee was commenting and kudosing other stories in the exchange but didn't do anything towards their gift.

After so much time passed, the mod of the exchange revoked their gift and they aren't allowed into the exchange anymore.

It's your giftee who is the jerk, and nothing on what you wrote, I promise.

Don't do that to yourself.
I doubt you wrote something they 'hate' - either this person is busy, has not got the energy to respond, or has just plain forgotten. Even if they don't actually like it? I doubt they'll ever say that out loud, and it's plain you did your best to make them happy.

Since fandom at large seems to be enjoying it, take that as your win and enjoy! It's too bad your giftee isn't being awesome, but sometimes that's just how it goes.

Honestly? If I were you, I'd message her back and ask if everything's okay. I don't know where in the world the two of you are, but there's enough crazy shit going on everywhere right now that she could be busy/distracted or she could be without power because of a flood or an earthquake or an attempted coup or something. And, if it turns out she's just rude, you'll learn that too.

(Because yes, barring real life preventing her from responding, "Thanks! I really like how you included XYZ!" is the bare minimum of socially acceptable behavior in this situation and radio silence is just rude.)

teal deer; you did just fine and her lack of acknowledgment is not on you, also I went through something similar and can confirm it sucks

You're not selfish IMO. Secret Santa exchanges are kind of a contract. You present something to someone, and someone presents something to you. Maybe others will argue otherwise, but I think acknowledgment goes along with that. I would say the bare minimum would be a "thank you." It doesn't have to be gushing praise. But being ignored after the work you put into something just feels awful.

In your case, you were communicating with her during the process, so it's not like you were crapping out some thoughtless thing. I think that deserves a response, but that's just me. I don't know why she hasn't said anything. Maybe she's flaky or can't come up with the right words for a response. It's also possible that it's written amazingly and included all her favorite tropes and still didn't hit a chord with her. But that's not on you; you did what you could with the information that you had.

And hey? A bunch of other folks liked it so there's that.

I just went through this thing myself. They gave me nothing to go on, so I had to piece together something based on their interests. At Christmas, no acknowledgment from the giftee, aside from "oh, I don't know who did mine" during the guessing game, followed by radio silence until I was literally the last guess. Still nothing. Yet they praised other people's gifts and are still hanging around the comm, so it's not like they disappeared for reasons.

I wouldn't care except I would hate for them do to that to someone else next time. I'm thinking about saying something to the event organizers later this year, but I hate that people make it necessary to say stuff that should be common sense.

One thing that gives me comfort is that I didn't bother going with my original plan, which would have been more over-the-top. It would've sucked to do all that AND get radio silence.

I once wrote a fic and the person said they were going to read it, then never responded again. This wasn’t on AO3 and there had been a few technical problems so I told myself maybe it was a technical problem. I wrote to the mods but not as a complaint, just for sympathy.

Years later the person left a comment on another fic in another fandom and really loved it. So maybe it really was technical problems.

I think it’s very likely this person just forgot or got very busy. (Though they should have made this a priority unless there was an emergency.)

I think you are entitled to their acknowledgment and it isn’t selfish to be upset that you haven’t gotten it. It’s a gift exchange. What kind of asshole doesn’t say thank you for a gift and tell you what they like about it? Even if I don’t like something I’m still gonna find loads of positives and talk those up in my thank you. (This also helps make me appreciate a gift more, so double win.)

But we’re hardly into the new year and it already sucks. Your giftee may have just gotten so sidetracked they forgot or felt awkward about how much time passed. I hope they contact you soon because you do deserve it!

I’ve had this happen before and it really sucked. The prompts were a little tricky for me, but I did my best and liked the end result. My giftee never acknowledged their gift and I was really bummed out because I thought they didn’t like it. I once got a gift that I didn’t like, but I thanked my Secret Santa and left a comment and kudos on the fic. My giftee not even bothering to leave a kudos made me feel like the fic had been exceptionally bad.

Honestly, "You are required to thank the writer for your Gift" is often explicitly written to the rules of an exchange. Because it's really rude not to.

Same thing happened to me a few years ago. The person gave me a very generic "anything fluffy" prompt and I tried very hard to include tropes they liked, wrote something well received, they didn't leave kudos or comment at all. I know they saw it. I always leave a comment and think of things I can praise even if it isn't my favourite fic, it just feels disappointing to be ghosted.

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[ SECRET POST #5855 ]

When gift exchange giftees go MIA

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Re: When gift exchange giftees go MIA

Re: When gift exchange giftees go MIA

Re: When gift exchange giftees go MIA

Re: When gift exchange giftees go MIA

Re: When gift exchange giftees go MIA

Re: When gift exchange giftees go MIA

Re: When gift exchange giftees go MIA

Re: When gift exchange giftees go MIA