fandomsecrets | [ SECRET POST #5888 ]

[ SECRET POST #5888 ]

⌈ Secret Post #5888 ⌋

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I was watching a true crime video about this murder spree:
https://www.theguardian.com/uk-news/2017/oct/04/aaron-barley-homeless-man-who-murdered-woman-who-helped-him

and I had some unkind victim blamey thoughts. If you want to help a homeless person who's struggling with drug addiction, point them towards shelters, rehab, etc. or other resources available to them. You do not bring them home and let them in your house with your vulnerable underage child. You do NOT entwine your lives with that of a physically aggressive drug addict. I get that people want to feel very hands-on and rescue someone who desperately needs help... but jfc.

I feel that struggle. On the one hand, people in general are kind and want to help, especially in this stupid society where we tell people falsely that societal ills can only be fixed by individual action.

On the other hand, omg don't bring strangers into your house.

Yeah. It's complicated because, fuck, they didn't deserve to die, but at the same time, they were taking one hell of a risk by letting a stranger, who was homeless, who struggled with a drug addiction, into their home and lives like that. And that risk unfortunately caused two deaths--one of them of their kid. The dad gets to live with that for the rest of his life. God. But also good. Because that kid had no choice in the matter. No voice in the risk.

It's admirable they wanted to help. It was fucking stupid the way they went about it. I'm really sorry it backfired on them but also not that surprised either.

Not sure about this case (never heard of it) but what you said sounds like common sense, indeed, anon. People should be more careful with strangers, that's basic.

This exactly. There are a ton of ways to help without bringing a complete stranger with a possibly violent past into your home.

I mean - I work at a shelter, and many of the women who come in have been abused, sometimes for most of their lives. BUT - and I say this without blaming them, because this is learned behavior - many of them are manipulative, secretive, have a lot of mental health issues, and will lie as easily as breathe. This is learned, survival behavior, and we don't hold it against them, but the potential for aggression and violence is there in a lot of them (and I have seen it first hand).

Doesn't stop us from helping, we just have to find other ways to help that are safe for everyone.

Many people in general are manipulative, secretive, have a lot of mental issues and will lie as easily as breathe. People who have struggled with physical violence are more likely to get physically violent because that's how humans are, we learn from others. As someone who used to work at a shelter frankly the hatred I saw coming from fellow (middle-class, white, privileged) workers was scary, and one of the things I hated the most working there - yes, we're all tired and this place is tough. No, that doesn't give you free pass to shoehorn these people.

Still, the fact that EVERYONE is potentially dangerous is why one shouldn't bring strangers into their home really.

Well, yes, that is scary. Fortunately, myself and my coworkers aren't hating these women, just aware that we have to draw appropriate boundaries with them while at work.

Yeah, I can understand that. It's great to want to help someone, but people need *appropriate* help. If it were someone with a physical injury or disease you would try to get them to a hospital or a doctor, not take them home and hope for the best, and it shouldn't be any different with addiction, mental illness, ect. You need more than good intentions to be able to deal with some things.

=\

Yeah, situations like this I try really hard not to get victim blamey but it's like...sometimes your personal good intentions will not be enough to pacify the world. We want to believe that goodness wins, but...life is unpredictable and not as easy as we want it to be. We have to be cautious if we want to protect those who we love/care for close to us as well as try to make the world a better place. Our loved ones' lives and safety matter too and should never be overlooked. That can happen (from my personal experiences) when we seek to be more altruistic towards the world at large.

I thought this was going to be a thread about general controversial true crime opinions...

In case anyone else thought that, mine is IDI.

(FWIW OP I don't think you're bad for thinking what you thought, depressing though it is)

Well, I didn't think I'd get this much agreement, tbh. I figured somebody would chew me out for not making a big fuss in all caps about how this wasn't really the victim's fault, etc. etc. Obviously nobody deserves to die like that, much less a kid. But I look at that situation and think holy shit, that could've been avoided. You shouldn't take risks like that with a young child in the house. There are plenty of safe ways to help people who are homeless, hungry and need rehab treatment.

Note: the murderer in question had a long history of violent behavior going back to his early teens. He'd already spent several years in prison for assaulting his partner. There is just no way he should've been invited into anyone's home no matter how hungry he was.

Well, if this person had only hurt the child in this scenario, everyone (including the mother) would be critical of the naivety of letting a stranger into your child's home without vetting them. This is definitely a truly tragic case. But it is also one that could have been avoided easily, while support was still given to the perpetrator.

I...kinda get what you're saying, especially after reading about the righting reflex. (Personally, I think we need to have more conversations about the righting reflex and all its unintended consequences, which this seems to be in an extreme sense.)

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-school-of-hard-talks/202302/how-we-miss-our-chance-to-help-people-we-care-about?fbclid=IwAR00IuUYl_5ddwWD3a3ChaD0ws7uKyIiPXN8pE3DGxfuT8ppwCIxcAF3zkc

Yeah, I find it difficult not to get victim blamey a lot of the time. Damn, some victims are just so fucking stupid. The only solution I've found not to air my thoughts in places there it can hurt victims even more. I can vent to a friend where I feel it's more appropriate. Keeping inside gets this thoughts a bit obsessive because our own morals find them wrong so some vent is a must for me.

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[ SECRET POST #5888 ]

Controversial true crime opinions. (WARNING for murder, violent physical assault)

Re: Controversial true crime opinions. (WARNING for murder, violent physical assault)

Re: Controversial true crime opinions. (WARNING for murder, violent physical assault)

Re: Controversial true crime opinions. (WARNING for murder, violent physical assault)

Re: Controversial true crime opinions. (WARNING for murder, violent physical assault)

Re: Controversial true crime opinions. (WARNING for murder, violent physical assault)

Re: Controversial true crime opinions. (WARNING for murder, violent physical assault)

Re: Controversial true crime opinions. (WARNING for murder, violent physical assault)

Re: Controversial true crime opinions. (WARNING for murder, violent physical assault)

Re: Controversial true crime opinions. (WARNING for murder, violent physical assault)

Re: Controversial true crime opinions. (WARNING for murder, violent physical assault)

Re: Controversial true crime opinions. (WARNING for murder, violent physical assault)

Re: Controversial true crime opinions. (WARNING for murder, violent physical assault)

Re: Controversial true crime opinions. (WARNING for murder, violent physical assault)