[ SECRET POST #5907 ]

[case]

⌈ Secret Post #5907 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.


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Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 01 pages, 11 secrets from Secret Submission Post #845.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 0 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

Comments

OP

[(Anonymous)]

Thank you, anon! I might be. I do think I am on the asexual spectrum but figuring where exactly is… difficult and I am not sure I care enough. But I don’t even think sex is the end-all when it comes to shipping, it’s more of an “added bonus” to me. People who care too much for tops and bottoms? Can’t relate.

Thanks for sharing this, again!

Re: OP

[(Anonymous)]

No problem, OP! Do you and don't sweat the rest!

Funnily enough, I'm actually pretty filthy with my shipping impulses, and also have strong top/bottom preferences, so there you go, takes all kinds. XD

OP

[(Anonymous)]

Oh, that is good to know! Labels are difficult, honestly. But I did read that the issue with asexuality is that defining yourself by a lack isn’t so intuitive (how do I know I lack what I lack?) and I agree.

Re: OP

[(Anonymous)]

DA

defining yourself by a lack isn’t so intuitive

I had that issue for years, and I think it's a problem with the "doesn't experience sexual attraction" definition of asexuality because "sexual attraction" is such a nebulous thing where it's like "how do I know if I experience this thing or not when no one can give me an actual definition of what it means".

It seems to vary to the point where it's become almost meaningless in certain circles, where people are like "I LOVE sex and would never want to go without it, if my partner didn't want to have sex with me I'd break up with them because it's super important to me, but I'm totally asexual!" and it's like...come on. If someone feels that way but can still be asexual because they don't experience "sexual attraction", whatever the hell it means to them, then what's the point of the term? It just seems useless. I really wish the definition was more along the lines of someone who doesn't personally desire a sexual relationhip (because I know some asexual people will have sex with their partners even though they're not into it, because they want to make the partners happy) because it seems more clear to me and makes way more sense.

Anyway...sorry for the tangent lol, I just get frustrated because it took me so long to finally come to the asexual label and now it seems to not mean anything anymore, at least in some circles.

OP

[(Anonymous)]

Exactly, this is part of why I don't identify strongly with it either. I do identify with affirmations such as: I never had the same level of interest in sex as my peers. So your definition makes more sense in my personal experience. And don't worry, I know how it is!

Re: OP

[(Anonymous)]

I did read that the issue with asexuality is that defining yourself by a lack isn’t so intuitive (how do I know I lack what I lack?)

AYRT - This makes sense to me, even though I actually don't relate at all. I've been identifying as ace since I was fifteen (which was the early 00's--pretty early in the whole ace awareness timeline), and I remember feeling like I just wasn't on the same page as my peers about "crushes and stuff" since a lot earlier.

I think being ace must be a lot more obvious when one is sex repulsed, which I very much was, and still kind of am. That is, repulsed by any sexual activity that involves me personally. (Also I was raised in a pretty liberal environment, so I didn't have any "I'm just being a good Christian girl" type mind-fuckery to confuse the issue for me.)

OP

[(Anonymous)]

Yes, I get you, and I also heard of "asexuality" a long time ago but I genuinely thought that, whatever my "lack of interest" issue was, it was "just a phase" and attributed it to my (perceived) immaturity. My family was comparatively liberal too to the point that I was publicly a non-Christian in high school but I thought I had to "get used" to sex and repulsion wasn't okay.

Not until I was in my late 20s that I started to think "this is an awfully long phase, huh?".

Re: OP

[(Anonymous)]

DA

Totally with you on the top and bottom thing. It's so weird to me when I mention that I ship a pairing to someone in fandom and their first question is which top/bottom configuration I prefer, and it's like...that honestly never even occurs to me until someone else mentions it. It's all about the emotional connection to me, sex doesn't even enter into the equation. (Although to be fair, I'm ace and in my head all my faves are too lol.)

OP

[(Anonymous)]

Right? Which top/bottom configuration I prefer: whatever the best fic or art goes for? duh. (Usually the answer is "both" so: switching)