fandomsecrets | [ SECRET POST #5988 ]

[ SECRET POST #5988 ]

⌈ Secret Post #5988 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

01.

__________________________________________________

02.

__________________________________________________

03.

__________________________________________________

04.

__________________________________________________

05.

__________________________________________________

06.

Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 01 pages, 24 secrets from Secret Submission Post #856.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 0 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

Me yesterday: I'm aware that many women say the men they live with expect to be babied, which is why I've been trying to see if I notice any of this, and I can't see it even when I try to.

The women replying to me: Oh you see it all the time and just don't realize you see it because it's normalized you're not thinking about it.

Bold of y'all to complain about men not listening when you must be willfully ignoring the bulk of what I said in order to form that response. Damn this comm is up its ass.

"Can't see it even when you try to," and, "Don't see it because it's so heavily normalized as to be invisible to many people," are pretty much the opposite of mutually exclusive, and the fact that you don't understand that honestly lends credence to what those people were speculating yesterday. You do seem kind of oblivious.

Wilfully so.

This.

I don't see it either. I think most people want to have good relationships and put some thought into learning how to. Society has an influence, but it isn't fate.

I think it's basically correct that society tends to socialize women much more heavily in that regard than it socializes men, though.

OFC that doesn't mean it's true of every single relationship either.

Most people, yes. But when the status quo benefits you, your awareness and desire to make an effort is significantly lessened.

I'm at a point where nobody listens to me in very different areas of my life - like the men I work with over-explaining everything when I had only asked a yes/no or where a thing is question; or when I ask if anyone wants anything when I go out/upstairs and I get no response - only to get complained to when I won't go and get a thing after I return.

then the women in my life get very invasive about my personal life and ignore me when I say "No I'm not interested in dating men" *brings over a guy they heavily hint at wanting me to get with*, "not every lesbian is going to want to date any lesbian just because they're a lesbian too" (how my friends manage to find every fitness freak and picture perfect Instagram lesbians, I do not know, but its happened about 9 times now when I didn't expect it), and "I don't have the internet on my phone, I can only get calls and texts" *forever getting links or 'unable to receive messages' notifications*.

Woo equal opportunity of annoyance!

Sorry nonny, that’s really annoying! :/ I would be driven absolutely insane by all of that too.

Yeah, the "we are all women here and among each other we all are completely fine to talk about every little detail of our personal life" assumption is strong with a lot of women I know.

I went back and looked at the rest of that thread, and I don't think they ignored what you said at all. You said you don't see it, they gave you detailed and varied examples of what they were talking about and in some cases general ideas of their geographical location and socio-economic status, and you added that you're somewhere on the East Coast of the US and reiterated that you don't see that behavior. With the apparent implication that if it doesn't happen around you, they're lying and it must not exist?

Obviously no one online can do more than tell you about what they've experienced. They can't make you believe them or prove it to you. But it's kinda churlish to say "I haven't seen it" and insist that means it doesn't happen at all.

I'm never street harassed, because I have the good fortune to get around by car these days, and street harassment is largely a pedestrians-versus-loiterers dynamic. I also don't get PMs with dick pics online, because I hang around spaces like Dreamwidth as opposed to dating sites and keep my gender private. But in either case, I don't assume because that stuff is not around me, it doesn't exist or doesn't matter. And if I did, other women would be rightly angry at me for dismissing their problems.

+1000 what did AYRT expect, honestly, coming into a discussion about a particular experience with "well it doesn't happen to ME"?

You mean MY personal experience doesn't automatically invalidate everyone else's?! GTFO /s

+ Infinity

AYRT is coming across as pretty disingenuous, honestly.

They're just going to repeat the same thing and ignore what you say. Or just tell you you're wrong.

Except that isn’t true. Some people repeated it, but others didn’t. And some people didn’t even say anything like that to ayrt yesterday in the first place, despite what they imply. And while it wouldn’t be quite accurate to say they’re wrong, getting so angry at other people’s opinions and experiences that differ from their’s isn’t doing ayrt any good.

Oh, a counterpart to yesterday's rant, how cute. I'm sure it's not exaggerated at all.

It's a well documented phenomenon? Like, scientifically studied and it has stats and everything? Educating you is not "not listening". But then, I guess since YOU never saw it, everyone is wrong. 🙄

Babe. Not agreeing with you =/= not listening to you.

I get that you don't get it but this is really fucking funny on your part.

DA

I'm kinda glad I am seeing this and similar responses to the OP. When I saw the "Men who don't fucking listen" subject line, I had an inkling that a levelheaded discussion would be unlikely. It seems like my inkling was spot on.

if you can't persuade anyone to your opinion then maybe the problem is you, not them

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

[ SECRET POST #5988 ]

Women who don't fucking listen

Re: Women who don't fucking listen

Re: Women who don't fucking listen

Re: Women who don't fucking listen

Re: Women who don't fucking listen

Re: Women who don't fucking listen

Re: Women who don't fucking listen

Re: Women who don't fucking listen

Re: Women who don't fucking listen

Re: Women who don't fucking listen

Re: Women ...

Re: Women ...

Re: Women ...

Re: Women ...

They're not going to listen

Re: They're not going to listen

Re: Women who don't fucking listen

Re: Women who don't fucking listen

Re: Women who don't fucking listen

Re: Women who don't fucking listen

Re: Women who don't fucking listen

People who don't fucking listen