case: (Default)
Case ([personal profile] case) wrote in [community profile] fandomsecrets2023-08-05 04:52 pm

[ SECRET POST #6056 ]


⌈ Secret Post #6056 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.


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Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 02 pages, 48 secrets from Secret Submission Post #866.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 0 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

(Anonymous) 2023-08-06 12:00 pm (UTC)(link)
I think you are right by thinking it's partly from straight sex experience crossing over, but to conclude that it's caused by toxic gender tropes in rl cis sex is overreaching, when a simpler and more likely explanation is that it comes from a lack of experience with gay sex, which of course cis women usually don't have.
As a cis woman writing slash, I write realistically about the acts, as I have actual experience with those (no 123 or self-lubing manginas in my fics), but I'm having no illusions about how well I can represent actual gay men. I try to do it with respect and honesty, but it will be an approximation. But that's okay, it's still fiction. And I'm by no means writing slash to compensate for my rl sexlife. It's a spice to add to an already very enjoyable part of life for me.

(Anonymous) 2023-08-06 06:02 pm (UTC)(link)
AYRT

Not sure why you're reading "toxic gender tropes" into "fiction that treats a particular kind of (possibly non-essential) foreplay like it's really, really necessary." I'm not accusing anyone of anything bad, here.

I'm also not trying to single out any particular fan or their sex life. I think what this other guy wrote about why women writing slash was a really positive thing for him, as a gay man, and why antis should stop disguising their squicks in the supposed defense of communities they don't belong to, was incredibly on target. https://satans-tiddies.tumblr.com/post/172910706086/you-know-this-isnt-the-thing-that-fucks-me-up

But in very broad terms, I see a culture that's decided "this is fine" about women not being especially thrilled with penetrative sex, the way they're usually expected to have it, and women often feeling pressured to pretend they find that more satisfying than they do, and I see a lot of those expectations - that one can have mind-blowing sex by letting the person doing the penetrating control the action - translated into a kind of sex that they have less experience with. In fiction predominantly written by women. These things seem connected to me.

Also, I think the underlying ... why "women fantasize about slash" feels like a fraught subject because straight men wonder if their lovemaking being unskilled is playing a role in that. (In women fantasizing that men are brilliant at sex when they're touching a partner whose genitalia is entirely familiar to them.) The knee-jerk reaction in conversation is to reject that possibility outright, but it keeps coming up. So, maybe we could stop repeating the same things about fantasy sex if we explored it. Instead of immediately defaulting to "nah, that's got absolutely nothing to do with slash."

Don't feel pressured to read the links if you're not interested, they're only there because I kept finding things that seemed relevant to the conversation.