fandomsecrets | [ SECRET POST #6076 ]

⌈ Secret Post #6076 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

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05. https://i.imgur.com/gXjmv5P.png
[Shin Megami Tensei II, OP marked for nudity]

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06. [SPOILERS for Pathfinder: Kingmaker]

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07. [SPOILERS for Marvel Secret Invasion]

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08. [SPOILERS for Marvel Secret Invasion]

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09. [SPOILERS for Amatsutsumi]

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10. [WARNING for discussion of pedophilia, suicide]

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11. [WARNING for discussion of pedophilia]

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12. [WARNING for discussion of suicide]

Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 00 pages, 00 secrets from Secret Submission Post #868.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 0 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

I'm surprised the only options to you seem to be "areas full of asshole men" and "women or nb! only! spaces! no men/boys allowed!"

Have you looked around recently, or are you not interested in something in between that is openly inclusive and respectful of, but not exclusive to, women and gender minorities? Because a lot of those "women and nonbinaries" groups aren't exclusive.

Plus I find that groups who openly tag themselves with that sort of description are both friendlier and politer social circles in general and have the added benefit of automatically deflecting assholes who think basic politeness like respecting pronouns is "dumb and for snowflakes" - which is great, because if they're fine with ignoring basic politeness about one extremely easy thing, they're usually the type to ignore it for anything else they want, too (like telling people to kill themselves), and nobody wanted to talk to assholes anyway.

Unless this secret is just an excuse to rant about women and gender minorities wanting spaces for themselves, which it kinda sounds like, but I'm trying to be optimistic here

Here's the thing, 'women and non-binaries only' spaces are NOT safe spaces for all gender minority people. For a lot of non-binary people, it's hurtful to be assumed 'woman lite'. Non-binary people who look or sound more masculine, as well as trans women, will often be excluded, sometimes harangued or harassed, for trying to access a space that CLAIMS it will welcome them. And, of course, trans men might have spent YEARS in a women/women-and-nonbinary space only to be kicked out at a point in their transition where they *can't* safely move in men's spaces.

The problem isn't that women and gender minorities want their own spaces, the problem is that those spaces are not always safe for all of us. And a lot of the people who have issues with those spaces ARE people who respect pronouns-- we just also need to have our own identities respected, and not every group is actually prepared to respect nonbinary people, or even all women, just because they claim to be for them.

Everything in this comment is arguing against things I never said; I started pointing out line by line things I never said or implied, but it ended up the entire response. So I don't know how to respond to this.

I said I wouldn’t join a group that didn’t allow men. You responded with a post about groups that allow men, and you phrased it as if I was also criticizing those groups. If you want people to extend you charity and not put words in your mouth, please don’t put words in my mouth.

Nah, I asked you a clarifying question, have you looked for inclusive groups? And listed my experience with such inclusive groups regarding keeping out typical cis male gamer bros. Your secret text didn't mention them at all, but if you are open to inclusive groups and you've found one that suits you, great!

Or if the secret was just an excuse to rant about women and nb only spaces, then my post was in vain because I wasn't ranting about those spaces, or interested in that topic.

Then anon responded by informing me that all women and nonbinaries groups aren't necessarily safe, which was very confusing and had nothing to do with anything I said, so...

Honestly, there’s a part of me that’s afraid of being “caught” no matter who you hate. I once accidentally made a guy think I was an undercover DEA agent because I didn’t want to murder DEA agents like he did. Even though I’m not cis, if I was in a group that kept out “typical cis male gamer bros,” there’s still a part of me that would be afraid of eventually being put in front of the Circular Firing Squad because I did or said something that only “cis male gamer bros” do or say. (That’s how it went for Isabel Fall, after all.)

That's kinda why I asked if you've looked around or found a place that suits you, because yeah, it does take looking around.

And for me at least, it's very much about how it's handled and how it's approached: I think it's fine to exclude "typical cis male gamer bros" with the understanding that cis+male+gamer bro is a very specific combination that lends itself to a particularly common flavor of bigoted asshole, not that cisness or maleness in itself is a bad thing (and lots of cis male people who happen to play games who aren't "typical cis male gamer bros" would agree with this). Also whether it's positioned as "we hate these people" or "we don't want to interact with them because of their behavior/attitudes"

[ SECRET POST #6076 ]

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