[ SECRET POST #6220 ]

[case]

⌈ Secret Post #6220 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.


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[Earth Girl]



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Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 01 pages, 21 secrets from Secret Submission Post #889.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 0 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

Comments

Re: Vent thread

[(Anonymous)]

Ever feel like you never really actually knew someone?

I wrote here awhile back about a friend who'd exploded at me after a week of bizarre behavior. In the days after, it got worse: she kept pressuring me to do something, and needed it to be on a day when I wasn't available. At the height of her pressure campaign, she sent me the most cruel and vile message I've ever received from anyone -- and I was straight up bullied in middle school. People who've hated me have been kinder than she was.

This friendship, as you can imagine, has now ended. I won't accept someone treating me the way she did, but I also can't stop thinking about her and the past several years. Who was she really, during all that time? Many of her relationships, romantic and platonic, ended dramatically over the time I knew her. I only ever heard her side. What's the other side? And why wasn't I able to see that as a flag? It's one thing to occasionally have a relationship go down in flames; it's another when they seem to do so regularly. But, you know, she'd always seemed fine to me.

I'm so...turned around over it. How could my judgement have been so off, for so long?

Re: Vent thread

[(Anonymous)]

Some folks are just good at hiding their crazy... but even they can't hide the crazy forever.

Re: Vent thread

[(Anonymous)]

Some people are just practiced at putting on a mask and fooling others. She may have put extra effort into maintaining that facade around you, and this time, it slipped. Have there been other occasions where you told her no? Because that's often the catalyst for narcissists - they get along swimmingly with you and you're BFFs so long as you go with their flow. But if you start saying no or wanting to do something different, BAM their inner psycho comes out to play.

Don't beat yourself up. You did a good and extremely hard thing by drawing that firm boundary and removing yourself from a toxic situation. A lot of people struggle with that and end up stuck in relationships like this for years.

Re: Vent thread

[meadowphoenix]

you're only human and you can only calibrate your judgment on what you've already experienced. a lot of people, if not the majority, calibrate by hot stove. we will never experience everything, we will always have blind spots. if you've never had a arsonist friend before, it's easy not to clock one even if you've heard about their string of burned bridges. but now you have a better picture of what arsonists look like! and if you have had an arsonist friend before, you can think about what traits make them worth it to you before they light a torch and you can see if you can find that elsewhere. either way, boom, better judgment.

Re: Vent thread

[(Anonymous)]

I do not want to justify your friend here since she seems pretty vile and it seems like she has a lot of problems, but:
>>exploded at me after a week of bizarre behavior.
This look like bipolar disorder to me. I say this because I have bipolar disorder and I've said some pretty vile unjustifiable stuff at the peak of one of my manic episode. ("fun" fact: mania sometimes erase my memory so I actually don't know what I say or do if I don't have written proof. I'm not the only one in this.)

So yeah, do not shame yourself. People with mood disorders (bipolar etc) or behavioural disorders are pretty good at masking and making other people perceive them as "normal". It's how we survive.

My suggestion is this: let it go. You didn't do anything bad. And you can't save her. This person possibly suffer from stuff they are not even aware of and until they are under treatment and begin treating people like they deserve you better keep your distance. Stay safe, nonny.