[ SECRET POST #6220 ]

[case]

⌈ Secret Post #6220 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.


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[Earth Girl]



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Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 01 pages, 21 secrets from Secret Submission Post #889.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 0 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

Comments

Re: Vent thread

[(Anonymous)]

My dad has a minor hearing issue that's part of old age. He thinks it'll be too much of a bother to get hearing aids even though he can certainly afford them. And most of the time it's not a big deal, he's not missing out on conversations or anything. But every once in a while, he'll mishear something and for some reason, he never stops to think, "Wait, sometimes I don't hear so well, I'll ask that person to repeat themselves" he just assumes that WE are the ones who misheard or misspoke and will correct us only to be told that no, you thought we said X, but we said Y.

Which is what it is. But the problem is that he LOVES catching other people in mistakes, it's a slightly toxic trait of his that he'll point it out to the whole room with gloating chuckles and ridicule, then smugly correct the mistake. And... he regards anything that's not exactly how he would do it as a mistake. Also if he thinks you're wrong because of [vague reasons/Facebook research/random brainfart] then you've made a mistake, cue the attention and ridicule. This is exactly what he does every time he mishears something and I'm getting a little tired of politely, gently correcting him to spare his feelings when he's got so little regard for anyone else's feelings. It happens once per conversation, you'd think he'd learn not keep putting his foot in his mouth, but nope.

Re: Vent thread

[meadowphoenix]

does it get worse with more targets or once he's corrected something once or twice he's done? does it get worse if you blandly acknowledge and move on or does it throw him off? does he get mad if you respond to his mistakes similarly or is he chagrined? would you feel better if you deliberately gave him something small to correct? i don't know if will change your dad's behavior, but it can be helpful mentally if you treat the interaction like a science experiment where you see what happens when you change your response. and if there are differences, it might be easier for you to redirect him.

Re: Vent thread

[(Anonymous)]

It gets worse when there are multiple people talking. I figure the level of noise coming from multiple directions probably makes it harder for him to pick up on everything. I just try to quickly correct him in a neutral tone and move on just as quickly. Pretending like he was right to "correct" me just seems like a real bad idea, tbh. He enjoys being right and publicly humbling other people for making mistakes. I don't think that behavior should be rewarded OR enabled.

It'd also mean having to get everyone else in the conversation on board first, otherwise they're going to be confused about why I'm saying, "Oh you're right, Dad" when he was very obviously wrong.

Re: Vent thread

[(Anonymous)]

Why continue to be careful of his feelings when he doesn't care about anyone else's?

Re: Vent thread

[(Anonymous)]

I know, right? I'm trying to be the better person and not let him bring me down to his level. I don't want to be that smug know-it-all who gets a weird charge out of putting other people down or showcasing my superior knowledge that turns out to be not so superior after all. That's just not a great person to be.

Re: Vent thread

[(Anonymous)]

You don't need to be a smug know-it-all, you just don't have to be gentle. When he "corrects" someone, you just tell him sharply, flatly, and at volume and move on. Let him stew in it and protest and know that no one is listening to him.

Re: Vent thread

[(Anonymous)]

I get this. I'm in a very similar position as OP with my dad, but he's fortunately less smug. He just gets depressed, whiny and "angry" when he's reminded of his hearing loss.
For me the winning strategy is not caring at all. Like, let him do his little thing, even if he's wrong. Who the hell cares. You KNOW that he's deaf and he doesn't want help, so why should you care to include him in your conversations when he does his little judgy corrections? Just ignore him. Maybe spare him a glance, but otherwise, don't give him the satisfaction of a reaction. Just let him be in his own bubble.

I know this is easier said than done, but that's how I survive. Fuck the fragile ego of my dad. I love him, but I don't have to take care of his feelings like I'd do for a little child.