[ SECRET POST #6297 ]

[case]

⌈ Secret Post #6297 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.


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Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 01 pages, 16 secrets from Secret Submission Post #900.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 0 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

Comments

CW: Cancer and death

[(Anonymous)]

My dad recently passed away due to cancer, and I cared for him at my home for the final few weeks. We had family down to visit this week, including his mother, and I love them all so much but am so emotionally exhausted from the questions about how was he at the end, was he happy, was he in pain, did he talk much, did he know what was happening. Which are all completely valid questions to have.

I've spent all week telling them he was happy, he was peaceful, he basically just slept, but honestly his last few days were horrendous and I can't tell anyone that. He was miserable and scared, he was in so much pain, he was confused, he forgot who I was, and the last night I had with him where he was conscious was spent with him completely agitated and distressed. I knew going into this it would be difficult, I just hate that the last days he was awake for were so unhappy and that I couldn't make him comfortable at the end, and that that was his last conscious memory.

I feel like a failure and he deserved better.

Re: CW: Cancer and death

[philstar22]

Oh nonny, so, so sorry. You were there for him, and that's good. I'm sorry he suffered, and I'm sorry you are suffering. Cancer sucks. Losing a parent sucks. You aren't a failure, cancer is. He wasn't alone, and that's good. You are an amazing person. I hope you can take care of yourself and forgive yourself.

I totally get the blaming yourself, though. My dad ultimately died of COVID, and I'm the one who gave it to him. I still haven't totally forgiven myself even though I know it wasn't really my fault.

Please find someone you can talk to (having a therapist has helped me so much). Please take time for yourself. Please care for yourself. You matter too. Your needs matter. Grief is so difficult, and especially when guilt is thrown into the mix. I'm so sorry. And allow yourself the time you need. It took me a full year before I really felt functional again. And that's okay.

Re: CW: Cancer and death

[(Anonymous)]

i think he'd appreciate what you tried to do for him and i doubt he would have expected you to wave a magic wand and make everything better. i'm sorry for your loss. please go easy on yourself.

Re: CW: Cancer and death

[tabaqui]

His last conscious memory was that his child was there for him. You did what you could, and that was a very good thing.
Please don't think you failed him, because you didn't.
*hugs*

Re: CW: Cancer and death

[(Anonymous)]

You are not a failure! You were there for him and he is so lucky for that. It says a lot about him and about you <3 Cancer sucks, you don’t. And I’d bet that was what he was thinking, not that you were somehow failing him.

Re: CW: Cancer and death

[(Anonymous)]

I am so sorry. I'm sure you know this already, but you are NOT a failure. Cancer fucking sucks, and caring for someone the way you describe is one of the hardest things to do for someone you love. Now on top of that you're taking one for the team by trying to make things better for your relatives. I wish this hadn't happened to you, I wish you didn't have to deal with any of that. I hope you find peace and time to do some self-care.