fandomsecrets | [ SECRET POST #6311 ]

[ SECRET POST #6311 ]

⌈ Secret Post #6311 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

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[FBI]

Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 02 pages, 28 secrets from Secret Submission Post #902.
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Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

Is it weird that my roommate never talks to me unless I start a conversation? Like not even a "hey" as they walk by me in the house. I was making dinner and they came into the (very small) kitchen and grabbed some stuff and never acknowledged me at all. But if I say hi or ask how their day is or whatver they seem up to a conversation. I just don't know how to read them at all.

Not really. Some people just aren't that chatty. Don't be so neurotypical about it.

"Don't be so neurotypical about it" is fucking hilarious because roomie is NT and I am definitely not. Which is part of the problem.

Related, I can't tell if you're being and ass or just bad with tone in text.

You are definitely channelling an NT in getting upset about a silence instead of a chattering. That is classic NT behavior.

da

This is a weird way of putting it. Plenty of ND people are sensitive to overthinking silence or prefer to be social, just as plenty of them are more comfortable with quiet than with chatting. There isn't one kind of neurodivergence. I find this framing rather unhelpful. Though if it helps OP, great!

DA

You are an amazing psychologist, able to diagnose over the internet using just four sentences!! I'd love to read your studies that made this possible. Links?

No?

What a weird thing to say.

What a genuinely painful thing to read. Why have the vibes here on fandomsecrets been so awful the past couple days?

I like to think its just one angry anon.

People are finally starting to ignore the more obvious troll bait, so the one or two people here who insist that we need more twitter-style drama are having to expand their repertoire.

My .02 - they're being an ass. Because only an ass jumps to a conclusion that quickly even though the details are sparse and they don't know anyone in this scenario, and then tries to use "neurotypical" like it's an insult.

And I assume you are pissed because you feel they are working your side of the street?

Oh no, I've been rumbled! Pointing out how silly it is to diagnose people from a brief anecdote is 100% the behavior of an unmitigated ass, you caught me fair and square.

Agreed

I personally think its pretty rude not to acknowledge someones presence in a room.

Some people are socially awkward, shy or just not good at initiating conversation but are okay with participating if someone else starts. Don't know what your roommate's deal is because we don't know your roommate.

They might be very shy or bad with small talk. Imo, it's appropriate to ask directly how they feel about it, since you share living space and having your boundaries for alone time and social time out in the open may put your worries at ease. I find their behavior a bit weird but not a sign that they dislike you or anything unless they do other stuff that comes off that way.

It seems slightly rude to me, but you don't know how they were socialized; they might have had a parent who basically ignored them so they're not used to starting up conversations. Too difficult to tell why.

I wouldn't take it personally though, since they do chat with you when you get the ball rolling.

Eventually your roommate should talk to you 'cause that is kind of weird. You LIVE together, for God's sake. See, in this situation, I'm the non-talker because I'm probably trying to pretend I'm living alone because I hate the fact that I can't afford to do that. So sometimes I'd probably be avoiding chit-chat with you (if I was the non-talking roommate). But, yeah, it is odd & eventually they're going to have to open their mouth to chit-chat (as I would have to). I'm sorry if they seem cold!

If they're fine with talking to you when you start a conversation then they're probably just a quiet person. Some people are like that, I have a friend who doesn't tend to say much unless you address her directly. She'll happily sit and listen to other people talk and occasionally join in, but for the most part she tends not to talk that much and that's just the way she is.

Yeah it's a bit weird.
I sometimes have trouble acknowledging people because I overthink (do I know them, should I say hello, is it ok to say hi at this point etc etc). But they are your roommate so at this point it's getting baffling

Chiming in with they might have their reasons not to initiate conversation.

I think it'd be good to tell your roommate, "I want us to be comfortable with each other. I like to say hi when I enter a room/space. The other day you walked into the kitchen and didn't say anything. I feel awkward when this happens." And then follow up with your wants/expectations. Ask your roommate what their wants/expectations are, if they have any.

Maybe you two can come up with a compromise. Or maybe you just need to clear the air.

For me, I grew up in a household where I was only acknowledged when my parents wanted/needed something from me. Subconsciously, I can dread someone greeting me in fear that the greeting comes with expectations for me drop everything to show up for other person.

It wasn't until a couple weeks ago I read this thing where the person stated we should say "hi" to people, even if we're just walking past each other because we are acknowledging each other's existence and it feels good...that I understood that a simple "hi" is a part of human social interaction.
It's one of those small things that we should do because humans are social creatures.

Like, for me, I'm fine if someone enters a room and doesn't acknowledge me. But I've learned most people prefer to be greeted with a "hi/hey/hello" yet they likely might be too afraid to be the one to initiate the greeting, so I try to say hi to most people. I also remind myself it's OK if I'm tired and forget to greet people every now and then.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

[ SECRET POST #6311 ]

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