[ SECRET POST #6408 ]

[case]

⌈ Secret Post #6408 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.


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[Sonic the hedgehog]



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[Somebody Feed Phil]



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[Hazbin Hotel]












Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 02 pages, 43 secrets from Secret Submission Post #916.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 0 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

Comments

Re: Husbands behaving badly...

[(Anonymous)]

Weaponized incompetence is a phrase our marriage counselor actually used! My husband wasn’t quite the caricature as the guy in this story (I don’t believe that most AITA content is real) but it became a huge problem over the years how little he did around the house and how any help either required me dictating to him in real time or having to do it over myself later. I always had to teach him everything like it was the first time and frankly I was ready to just leave by the time we went to counseling. It very nearly ended our marriage and if he backslides things get real fractious. In my husband’s case, there are real reasons he struggles with that stuff and he needed to hear from someone else that he needed to find ways to do it anyway that didn’t put the work onto me. Take notes. Google. Ask me, that’s fine, but then learn when I tell you…that sort of thing.

I’m far from perfect by the way and he had a list of valid complaints, too. We both needed a third party to step in and tell us to own our bullshit and how to make it work.

Like you, I was pretty shocked at that thread a few weeks ago. I think either everyone is full of shit or they’re lying to themselves or they just don’t have as close relationship with any het married couples as they think. I’ve also noticed that most married women I know only talk to other married women about grievances with their husbands. It’s kinda like a bonding thing, needing to know someone else has experienced this.

Re: Husbands behaving badly...

[(Anonymous)]

Yeah. That thread was eye-opening because I didn't know whether to think that gosh, there are people out there who have all perfect guys in their lives or there are people out there in deep denial who haven't really seen just how childish a grown ass man can be at times.

I have a friend whose husband is similar. They started off both working full time, yet she did 99% of the housework. Funny how that works! The man's got an MBA, but claims not to understand how a washing machine works. Or an oven. Can't be trusted to do the shopping because he gets it wrong or forgets stuff despite a list. It got worse after they had kids and yeah, I know. She wanted to have kids very badly, and I didn't say anything even though I knew her husband would be NO help whatsoever and he'd likely get worse. Sure enough, she's the primary childcare in their household, still doing nearly all the housework, and he can't be bothered to babysit his kids for more than an hour at a time and bitches if he has to watch his own kids for a whole afternoon.

Worse yet, she tells me that even though he's not very good in bed (surprise surprise!) and mauls her breasts like he's kneading pizza dough, she has to have sex with him a minimum of every 2-3 days otherwise he gets cranky and irritable. They don't have an explicit agreement or anything. She just notices he's getting crankier than usual and thinks whoops, time to milk his balls so he's not in a bad mood anymore! And she thinks that's just one of those quirky marriage things. Horrifying. But I think stuff like this goes on a lot more than people realize.

Re: Husbands behaving badly...

[(Anonymous)]

I think it's the degree of awfulness that's often the topic of threads like that that people don't experience in their own life.

If the topic was weaponized incompetence in general, then I absolutely know guys like that. But even that has limits; even the worst offender I know manages to make his wife some soup and do the grocery shopping when she's too ill to get out of bed, even if he can't manage the same when their toddler is sick and she's stressed out from having to take care of their child on top of work and household chores.

So when examples like guys apparently incapable of wiping their butt properly because that might make them gay are treated as normal that's genuinely not my experience.

I would say as the only single in my friend group, I'm certainly told about all kinds of grievances. Maybe it's my friend group but I feel like everyone is reluctant to talk about the worst of it with each other because no one wants to have gotten the worst deal. What I'm told in confidence vs what's mentioned in group settings is sometimes vastly different and I genuinely worry that one friend isn't getting a divorce because she's ashamed that the guy she married is a selfish asshole.

Re: Husbands behaving badly...

[(Anonymous)]

"So when examples like guys apparently incapable of wiping their butt properly because that might make them gay are treated as normal that's genuinely not my experience."

To be fair, I don't think anyone on FS said that specifically was normal. Just that poor male hygiene when it comes to wiping and showering is more common than people might think. The only people I've seen claim that not wiping their butt properly is normal are... well, the guys who don't wipe properly.