My husband and I both have parents that think of us as being around 15-18. We think it’s because we each left home quite young (16 for me, 18 for him) and moved very far away. Our parents never saw the development and have such strong mental images of who we are that they are blind to reality when we’re around them. It’s pretty aggravating. Neither of us had particularly good parents (his mom is good but his dad is so bad that it cancels her out and both my parents are worse than his dad). We’ve pretty much come to terms with having no real family outside our own household. My mother was a true narcissist and used to tell me regularly that she loved me but didn’t like me. She was also very vocal about owning me and having the papers to prove it (my adoption papers). Thankfully she’s dead and life is a lot better now.
I try to remember to text my father every few weeks and I always give any help when he asks. But damn it’s humiliating? annoying? insulting? hurtful? that he thinks he has to walk me through hooking up the garden hose and turning it on. There are more issues, far deeper than the little things like that. He doesn’t listen to me and doesn’t know anything about me. He is dismissive of my accomplishments and experiences. He is dismissive about my health problems because I’m not terminally ill. He often complains that my family is an inconvenience or obstacle, sometimes meaning for me and sometimes meaning for himself. He wouldn’t be happy with my lifestyle and so insists I’m miserable when in fact I’m very happy. My life is just how I want it with the exception of having crappy parents.