[ SECRET POST #6418 ]

[case]

⌈ Secret Post #6418 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.


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Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 01 pages, 10 secrets from Secret Submission Post #917.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 0 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

Comments

Re: Adults of FS, do your parents still treat you like a child?

[(Anonymous)]

My husband and I both have parents that think of us as being around 15-18. We think it’s because we each left home quite young (16 for me, 18 for him) and moved very far away. Our parents never saw the development and have such strong mental images of who we are that they are blind to reality when we’re around them. It’s pretty aggravating. Neither of us had particularly good parents (his mom is good but his dad is so bad that it cancels her out and both my parents are worse than his dad). We’ve pretty much come to terms with having no real family outside our own household. My mother was a true narcissist and used to tell me regularly that she loved me but didn’t like me. She was also very vocal about owning me and having the papers to prove it (my adoption papers). Thankfully she’s dead and life is a lot better now.
I try to remember to text my father every few weeks and I always give any help when he asks. But damn it’s humiliating? annoying? insulting? hurtful? that he thinks he has to walk me through hooking up the garden hose and turning it on. There are more issues, far deeper than the little things like that. He doesn’t listen to me and doesn’t know anything about me. He is dismissive of my accomplishments and experiences. He is dismissive about my health problems because I’m not terminally ill. He often complains that my family is an inconvenience or obstacle, sometimes meaning for me and sometimes meaning for himself. He wouldn’t be happy with my lifestyle and so insists I’m miserable when in fact I’m very happy. My life is just how I want it with the exception of having crappy parents.

Re: Adults of FS, do your parents still treat you like a child?

[(Anonymous)]

That's rough, anon. It sounds like the "little things" are bad enough, from what you're saying. I'm not dealing with a ton of trauma or a bad childhood, per se. I believe my parents love me, but... like you said, they don't know me very well. They've got this picture of who I am in their heads formed from my childhood, and they're not able to change that picture even though I'm an adult. It's weird, because they only seem to remember the mistakes I made, but never seem to recall or recognize my accomplishments. One of their favorite things to do is to recall some embarrassing incident from my childhood when I did something foolish or silly because I didn't know any better and nobody told me. That's hilarious to them, and they'll tell that story over and over and over, chuckling every single time. I've never let them know how crappy and hurtful I find it when they do that, and I think it's because I know they won't take me seriously, and they definitely won't stop. My embarrassment and hurt will just make it funnier to them.

Which kind of makes them sound like psychos, but they're not. They're just... sort of casually cruel without realizing it. They don't think such a story is humiliating, so why would I feel that way? That's their approach to everything. Whatever they think and feel about something is the right way, everyone else must either agree and think the same way or they're wrong and should correct themselves.

Re: Adults of FS, do your parents still treat you like a child?

[greghousesgf]

My mother used to tell me that shit about not liking me while insisting that she "loved" me when I was a little kid too. That is such a fucking lethal thing to say to a little kid.