fandomsecrets | [ SECRET POST #6466 ]

[ SECRET POST #6466 ]

⌈ Secret Post #6466 ⌋

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I'm trying not to be too specific here for privacy reasons, but it just seems like life lately has been this unrelenting series of stressful events. None of them are total disasters all on their own, it's just they keep coming like I'm stuck on a factory line of shitty things that roll out on the conveyor belt of Life Says Get Fucked one after the other. Each time I think okay, I've solved the problem and can take a deep breath and relax, WHAM another stressful, shitty thing happens.

What makes it worse is that as I've gotten older, I don't have the mental or physical resources for this anymore. I feel so tired and defeated and depressed. There's no time or money to do many of the things I used to enjoy that gave me peace. I can't even binge Netflix and stress-eat in peace because I have medical conditions that means I've got to watch my diet or things will get even worse, and then something else comes along and it's all hands on deck time again. I've got frequent killer headaches, I'm tired all the time and the cherry on the sundae is that stress now gives me an upset stomach. I get stress diarrhea, you guys. Plus heartburn on occasion. As you can imagine, this is super unhelpful. Like I'm running around trying to do this or that or get a hold of that person or deal with this financial issue and oh yes, have 2-3 sessions of destroying a toilet, then chugging Pepto afterwards. God, I hate my body sometimes.

If I won the lottery, I would quit my job and leave my whole damn life behind and start again somewhere else, but I can't do that now. I just want to lie in bed with the covers over my head and not have to deal with anyone or anything forever.

as I've gotten older, I don't have the mental or physical resources for this anymore.

Hoo boy do I feel this. I'm always wondering if it is just something that happens to everyone as they get older, or a consequence of never being properly medicated or treated for mental illness (anxiety and depression, mostly) and it's a form of burn out. But things I used to be able to deal with seem to just break me now. My coping strategies just aren't working the same.

I also feel you on the diet and stress thing. Sometimes all I want to do is veg out and play video games while munching on chocolate or whatever, but I have so many dietary problems that I am severely limited in what I can eat, and the things I can eat I have to have in small portions. I haven't been to a doctor (poor, american, uninsured) but I know part of it is anxiety and stress causing more intestinal and stomach problems. But how do you destress to fix the problem when the problem is causing the stress?

I wish I could find a pot of gold for both of us. All I really want is a small farm with some land and to just live with the seasons. Work in the garden and with the animals in Spring/Summer/Fall and then hibernate and cook and read by the fire in Winter. But I don't even have a rental to myself nevermind owning a house and land.

Idk I have no help for you, but know that as I read your vent all I could think was "yes yes yes, I could have written this" in both a "Yes! We are not alone!" way and a "oh no, someone else is in this horrible life" way. *hugs*

I wish you were in a better place, but there's some comfort in knowing that someone else knows exactly what I'm talking about. I think that when I was younger, I was just more resilient in so many ways. Physically healthier, that's for certain. I could go all day on 4-5 hours of sleep if necessary, nothing I ate upset my stomach, etc. It wasn't that my life was carefree, it's just that I had a lot more energy to combat whatever was wrong. I could just power through a sleepless night or an emotionally draining argument with someone.

These days, I'm just tired. Physically tired, and mentally worn out from what feels like a never ending cycle of crappy things, with far too few good things to take solace in. I wish I could just... catch my breath and regroup, you know? But it seems like I just never get the opportunity. I only visit the doctor because I have to, for maintenance medication that he won't prescribe without tests and seeing me in person. He's been concerned about my high blood pressure as well as my stomach issues and I'm fairly sure it's down to stress but I don't know how to explain to him that it's kind of hard to relax your way out of an attack of the stress shits. I'm trying to eat properly, I'm taking fiber supplements (which help) but I'm also going through Pepto Bismol and Imodium AD really fast. I know that's not good, but I can't really DO anything if I'm stuck in the bathroom.

I hope you find that big pot of gold and a beautiful farm, nonny. I hope I do, too, but thank you for responding. It's helped more than I can say. <3

Same. A million dollars wouldn't fix all my problems, but holy shit would it fix most of them and make the rest bearable if only because I would be able to rest.

Hard same, nonny. Money gives you more flexibility and security. It won't solve everything, but it'll solve a hell of a lot of things.

I feel this so much. And up until yesterday, I was honestly feeling completely out of control, wanting to just walk away from everything, having no idea what to do, feeling just terrified.

Also, the killer headaches is a major thing for me. I get more and more migraines, and meds will work for a while and then not. We keep trying new things, but I keep getting more migraines. I'm on this facebook group of fellow migraine sufferers, and a lot of them are fully disabled at this point. I'm so scared I'm going to end up there.

I really, really hope things get better for you soon, nonny. I really, really do. All the sympathy.

Similar but different, I've been dealing with mysterious chronic pain for the past few years and it's getting worse. I was just thinking today that I am very lucky in my job because I have periods in the day where I can just lay down and curl around a heating pad and not be productive for 30mins, and if I had any other job I think I would have been fired because the pain flares are so bad I don't know how I'd be able to do "normal" work through them. I don't know how other people do it, be it the pain I get or migraines or whatever. It is awful.

I'm so sorry, nonny. I feel you on being lucky in your job. Thankfully my office is not very bright, and I have an app on my computer that can dim that light. So when I have a bad headache I can just put ice on my head, ear plugs in my ears, and just focus on doing what I can..

I really hope they can figure out what is going on and why you have the pain. And I hope you can find some relief. That sounds so awful.

"And up until yesterday, I was honestly feeling completely out of control, wanting to just walk away from everything, having no idea what to do, feeling just terrified."

I feel that so much. It's just hard to stay calm when all of your options seem pretty bad and there's not even an obvious lesser evil to choose.

Up until recently, I would've said that I've never experienced a real migraine. Bad headaches, sure. But migraines sounded so much worse and I was certain it had never been that bad for me. But last month I had this headache that was so bad I felt light-headed and dizzy, and - a new thing for me - it also came with a light sensitivity issue. I had to lie down in a darkened room. It's never been that bad for me before. I'm hoping that is a one off kind of thing.

I hope things get better for you, too. Did I see yesterday where you got a good job offer with a raise? Congratulations!

Ugh, so sorry. Yes, with the light sensitivity and dizziness, that definitely sounds like a migraine. I really hope it is a one-off for you.

And yes, I got a good job offer. Well, first I got one from a former employer who I had a bad experience with which sounded good but really wasn't. But then yesterday I got a great offer from my current employer. My supervisor is leaving, and I'm getting a 10k raise to take over his job.

Re: migraine - I was afraid of that. So far it hasn't happened again, but now I kind of know what that feels like. I know it wasn't even a really severe migraine, but it was bad enough.

That is excellent news, both the raise AND the promotion!

Feel the same in many ways. And aging is a bitch, you gotta be careful. Currently looking for some better or uplifting stuff, or some kind of outlet where I can interact with humans in a safe environment. I just want to be normal and not too cold or way too clingy. The struggle to find the balance is real, especially when you have reasons to not be normal and know how judgmental that both the haves and the have-nots in denial can be. (Sorry, that was kind of vague but specific to me... and maybe to some other folk out there)

So true about money too. To stop short of saying something political, I'll just offer that there are better people in charge in the near future, and are able to do things to ease all of our burdens in some way. Financially definitely. Hope you're able to experience something that at least takes away some of the stress soon. We humans aren't meant to be in a constant state of survival.

sa

that should say "I'll just offer that HOPEFULLY there are better people in the near future..." I'm not a time traveler. Or... ha. Maybe that would be nice too, knowing that the future has a better outlook.

So sorry you're dealing with that. I honestly really appreciate you and others sharing in this thread because I've been feeling really guilty for taking time off from working for mental and physical health (I'm very lucky that my wife and I are in a secure enough situation that I can do this). I don't mean to brag about being able to take a break, you've just reminded me of the seriousness of needing to and that I shouldn't force myself past my limits if I don't truly have to, because y'all who have had to are dealing with a lot because of it. I wish you guys could get some relief, before I could leave my last job it was really hurting my body.

ayrt - I don't see this as bragging and you should absolutely not feel guilty about taking time off for your physical and mental health. I wish more people were able to do this, we'd all be a lot better off. As it is, I'm glad you're doing well, and it made me feel a lot better to hear from people who are also struggling or who know what it's like.

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[ SECRET POST #6466 ]

Stress and venting.

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