fandomsecrets | [ SECRET POST #6509 ]

[ SECRET POST #6509 ]

⌈ Secret Post #6509 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

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Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 01 pages, 06 secrets from Secret Submission Post #930.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 0 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
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Oh, twoxchromosomes has been eye-opener. A few anons here like to pooh-pooh it for being all made up stories, but honestly? I think that's only a small percentage of the crazy shit that goes on in peoples' marriages. I think society is just so used to shitty men being shitty that it seems perfectly normal, and that sexism and not believing women is deeply ingrained in people.

I've got the separate bank account. It'll take me a while to save money, and my parents are not in the best of health and can only help me a little. This is going to be so hard on them if I have to move back home. I try not to think about that, but I can't NOT think about it, either.

I've never seen anyone here say that this particular subreddit is mostly made up stories.

Sorry to say, I have. I can only assume it's someone trolling, or someone who's blissfully naive about how a relationship can go downhill fast.

I've seen those comment about other subs but not this one. Oh well, must have been a day I wasn't around.

DA
I have. We have had a couple threads about M/F relationships and FS is apparently full of women who only know men who split home and family duties equally with their wives.

Now you're just straight up lying.

nayrt, eh, not really. I've seen threads here before where women talk about pretty common marital issues and there's always a couple anons expressing bafflement at the idea that there are men who duck household chores, underestimate the amount of work their female partners do while overestimating their own contributions, don't clean, weaponize incompetence. Because their dad doesn't do that, or the men they know don't do that. Which is totally great for them, of course, but... this isn't a rare problem, and it's weird that they've never heard of it even if they haven't experienced it personally.

"A couple of anons" does not "f!S is FULL of these people" make though.

No, they claim AITA is mostly made up stories. So why wouldn't the other subreddits be mostly made up? Why would your preferred subreddit be sacred all of a sudden? Not trolling, just a genuine question.

I'm suspicious of anyone who generalizes any one group. I've been burned by some shitty people but I don't go on to say all people in that group are shit and never do my own self-reflecting.

That said, I also don't automatically assume anyone who shares their story is lying.

And no, I don't care if you get mad at this comment or if you can't believe there isn't a single man on the planet who isn't a complete piece of shit. Just be alone if that's what you believe. And figure out what you genuinely want in a man or even if you WANT to be with a man at all. Because it's fine not to be.

Or keep going with your confirmation bias. Also a valid choice.

"And no, I don't care if you get mad at this comment or if you can't believe there isn't a single man on the planet who isn't a complete piece of shit. Just be alone if that's what you believe. And figure out what you genuinely want in a man or even if you WANT to be with a man at all. Because it's fine not to be.

Or keep going with your confirmation bias. Also a valid choice."

I know that any anger and bitterness from a woman is very off-putting and people are really, really quick to #notallmen, but I want to assure you: I don't think all men on the planet are shit. I do think that the person(s) who expressed skepticism at some of the horror stories are being naive to think that the shit ones aren't out there, and I think that for me, I'm done digging through garbage hoping for a gem. It isn't worth it to me. I know that saying this makes a lot of men very, very angry, and I wouldn't be surprised if it made some women angry too, because misogyny can be deeply internalized.

I urge all women to proceed cautiously and with open eyes. Things can start out looking like a fairytale, and love can blind you to someone's faults if you're not careful.

"Things can start out looking like a fairytale, and love can blind you to someone's faults if you're not careful."

da, but... duh? That holds true for ANY relationship, straight, gay, or otherwise. As a WLW I have plenty of lesbian friends who have ended up in similar situations because they were so blinded by love that they were ignoring obvious red flags. I have a male friend who just got out of an abusive relationship with a female ex but it took me and all of his other friends months to convince him that the relationship was not healthy and that he needed to leave because he loved her and he kept making excuses for her abusive behavior.

It's very, very easy for people to ignore warning signs when they love someone because it's easy to brush it off as not being a big deal. And it's certainly not something that's exclusive to men.

nayrt, but there is much more social pressure on women to “fix” their partners (regardless of the partner’s gender) than there is on men. Women are supposed to be the nurturing, forgiving, self-effacing ones in the relationship.

Abusive relationships are a different matter. Until she reaches Alex Forrest or Annie Wilkes levels, abusive women are still largely seen as quirky or funny and men who are abused by women are frequently not believed or seen as weak.

nayrt - This. Women also face a lot more social pressure to tolerate toxic behavior in their male partners, to be peacemakers, to sacrifice for the sake of not rocking the boat. This isn't to say that men never face these pressures. But anyone who thinks that the pressures are the same on both genders is very naive, at best.

This sexism cuts both ways, which also results in marital abuse committed by women not being taken seriously. Guess who's mostly not taking it seriously, though? Other men.

Talking about a problem that exists in one group isn't the same as claiming that it doesn't exist anywhere else. But it's funny (not in a ha ha way) that every time the issue of men failing to be good partners comes up, someone always pops up to say, "But women do it tooooooooo" and "#notallmen!!!!". Even though nobody said "women never do that!", etc.

Peculiar how predictable that is.

No, in fact, I was one of those anons and I remember distinctly that I said ProRevenge and Traumatizethemback were mainly creative writing exercises and/or wishful thinking revenge fantasies (which they very much are). In general, I think all anecdote subreddits suffer from the "we're only getting one side of the story here" issue.
The other half of your comment/rant, though, feels like you're addressing it to someone else entirely so I'm not going to reply to it because none of it applies to me.

Maybe it's just me, but I don't recall ProRevenge and Traumatizethemback coming up in the discussion. This was largely about AmItheAsshole and TwoXChromosomes, with the implication that AITA was a known place for people to exaggerate or lie for karma-farming, so TwoX must also be suspect. Which I thought was silly because AITA crazy stories are well, crazy. And TwoX stories are so run of the mill, it's depressing.

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[ SECRET POST #6509 ]

Re: Venting thread- I've been struggling not to hate my husband.

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Re: Venting thread- I've been struggling not to hate my husband.

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Re: Venting thread- I've been struggling not to hate my husband.

Re: Venting thread- I've been struggling not to hate my husband.

Re: Venting thread- I've been struggling not to hate my husband.

Re: Venting thread- I've been struggling not to hate my husband.

Re: Venting thread- I've been struggling not to hate my husband.