[ SECRET POST #6509 ]

[case]

⌈ Secret Post #6509 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.


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Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 01 pages, 06 secrets from Secret Submission Post #930.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 0 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

Comments

Re: Venting thread- I've been struggling not to hate my husband.

[(Anonymous)]

Sounds really difficult OP. My sympathies go out to you.

From what I've read, sounds like your husband is pulling to ol' weaponized incompetence.
Like, he needs you to tell him what to do. You need to stand there and watch him work if you want things done right. He can't stand feeling uncomfortable when you approach him on discussing difficult things so he whines and comes up with excuses because he knows you'll consider his feelings first and knows you will put your concerns and needs on hold.

Not going to jump to "divorce him", but I do hope you know that you deserve to put your needs and feelings first.

You can't change a person, but you can try to work on things with your husband (and if he continues his BS, remember that you can't change someone, only they can change in order to show to you that they want to do better for you - and if he won't do better and put you first in compromises, I don't think he ever will).

Every one deserves a chance to grow and change, but some people will operate with the mindset that they get infinite chances to keep being selfish so keep in mind how much he is willing to show up for you and how many chances you're willing to give him.

You deserve to be happy too. You deserve to be considered and catered to first.

You are his partner, not his mom. He is a full grown adult who can and should be able to take care himself, his behavior seems to be that of a spoilt child.

I've seen married couples grow and show up for each other, but the husband had to really want to show up for their wife for the relationship to improve. In relationships where the husband was constantly still being selfish, it never got better. Either the wife left or she gave up and accepted that her husband would always be lazy and sit back as his wife-mommy continued to take care of him.

Re: Venting thread- I've been struggling not to hate my husband.

[(Anonymous)]

Oh yes, he absolutely does the weaponized incompetence thing. This is a man with a background in STEM, who holds down a challenging job that requires a lot of focus and memorization. This same man acts differently at home, and frequently claims not to be able to solve basic household problems, or remember how to do certain tasks. He clings very firmly to this belief that he cannot clean a bathroom because he doesn't know how, or that he can't recall how to do ABC in order until I confront him very bluntly and ask him who stands over his shoulder and tells him what to do at work? When he's playing computer games that require him to collect X and Y before accomplishing Z, how does he remember how to do that?

Then he feels embarrassed and will reluctantly drag himself to Youtube or look stuff up and do the task. But it will happen again and again, because there's always some other tiny obstacle that he'll exaggerate as some impossible barrier to him doing household chores that I do every day, multiple times a day. He claims he doesn't want to be this way, and gets mad when I say that clearly he DOES, because if it truly bothered him, he'd just figure it out and do it without making a bunch of insulting, flimsy excuses.

This upsets him, because he can't get out of that logic, but he wants there to be an explanation for his sudden mental confusion about cleaning that isn't his fault. There isn't one. He keeps looking for one. I despise this kind of laziness and weakness.