[ SECRET POST #6519 ]

[case]

⌈ Secret Post #6519 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.


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Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 02 pages, 30 secrets from Secret Submission Post #932.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 0 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

Comments

[fscom]

06. https://i.imgur.com/FWwQ6T0.png

[(Anonymous)]

*popcorn.gif*

[(Anonymous)]

I can kinda get the first part, it's just preferring the dynamic of a ship to set one way then stay that way, yeah?

The second part... well. The whole "dudes in m/m have to switch because otherwise it's somehow unfair" has always been a womenwritingmen thing.

[(Anonymous)]

I am a woman who writes m/m and I don't think I've ever written anything about switching being fair (though I haven't written much switching), but I could absolutely see thoughts or a conversation happening about it being fair if both characters liked both topping and bottoming, but really like the same one over the other or if they really liked doing both. And having witnessed some strangely intense and drawn-out conversations among men about fairness in regard to splitting food, going first in a game, who gets shotgun, the rules of the silly jumping game they just made up, etc., I believe some men really do care about fairness and would 100% have this type of conversation (I think some of them would even make a chart).

[(Anonymous)]

Sure, and some married couples keep separate accounts and split the bill when they go out to dinner. Nothing wrong with doing that.

But saying "it's unfair not to" or "this is the only fair way to do it" is not understanding how people work. Some couples do that because they prefer that. Some couples prefer not to bother with it. It isn't about whether one is more fair than the other.

[ariakas]

I think you're both interpreting this secret differently: the author making a moral/ethical judgment applicable to all couples vs the author imagining that specific characters would think that is the "fair" way to do it, for them.

[(Anonymous)]

Maybe, but if the secret says "the author made them do it for fairness" I'm reading it as the principle of the thing, since it's not "the characters just preferred it that way."

[ariakas]

That's how I read it too tbh.

[ariakas]

I said this when it was first posted, but this is a good one, OP. Truly unique. I don't think I've ever seen this take before - the people who hate switching have always been hard A/B not B/A types in my experience.

And as someone who really, really loves switching, the people who feel they "have" do to it to make it "fair" or something rather than "it's hot" or "this seems like the dynamic the characters would actually have, to me" are weird. Or teenagers. Or both.

[(Anonymous)]

Oh, agreed. There are some ships where I just can't see the characters switching because to me, they don't have that kind of dynamic. Like, for one of my ships I see one particular character as being very much a bottom and the other being a technical switch who is happy to service top for his partner because he loves his partner and wants to make him happy.

Meanwhile, I can't see the dynamic of another one of my ships as being anything BUT switching. It all just really comes down to the characters in question for me.

[(Anonymous)]

Yes, this is how I feel: it's totally dependent on the characters and what feels "right" for their dynamic. My favorite pairing features two people who are stubborn, and have a bit of a power struggle between them before becoming a team. I can see that carrying over into the bedroom, so I absolutely expect them to switch, and write them as doing so. It's not a matter of fairness for them -- it's a matter of personality, of getting off on the back-and-forth.

[(Anonymous)]

Yep, that's exactly the reason why I can't see the one ship of mine as being anything other than switching-- because that's the sort of dynamic they have too. They would absolutely jockey for position in bed depending on how they're feeling because they love to tease each other and rile each other up and I see absolutely no reason why it wouldn't be the same in bed.

[tabaqui]

Hrmmmmm.
I pretty much always write (when I wrote) any characters as switching, not for fairness, but because...I wanted to see A fuck B, and then another time, I really wanted to see B fuck A, or whatever. It was more for my enjoyment and entertainment than any kind of 'fairness' ethical motive or whatever.

[(Anonymous)]

I agree that when it's done for "fairness" or whatever, it's dumb. But also, I feel like that's not the reason why most people write characters as switches.

When I write the characters switching, that's because I think that the dynamic is hot both ways. I know somebody who writes characters to be switches because they're a switch, and they think switching is just fun to do.

[(Anonymous)]

Most people switch, though?

[(Anonymous)]

I don't think realism was a factor, or at least OP didn't mention it at all.

This also doesn't specify M/M or F/F so it could equally apply to het ships, where most people don't switch really.

[(Anonymous)]

I'm not quite as against character-as-switch-within-fic but I AM with you on being turned off if they talk about it as an 'equality' thing.

Like 'fair' in terms of 'we both enjoy X activity and neither of us should have to give it up' is one thing. Characters who are just getting into a relationship having a conversation about where they stand is very different from characters who have BEEN in a relationship having this conversation about how they have to take turns equally! And I do think it's genuinely interesting to have one character who is a genuine switch and another character who has a set sexual preference but is willing to try it the other way when in a relationship, and you know, maybe they talk about whether or not that works for them or how they can make a slight mismatch work! But I tend to prefer 'fic acknowledges that the characters switch, however we only see A top B (or B top A) within the fic' if it is just 'both characters are switches', just to avoid the 'fairness' talk.

[(Anonymous)]

In my real life, my partner and I are both BDSM switches; my partner tends to top more often and I tend to bottom more often. How my partner frames it when they're requesting that we swap roles tends to be "It's been a while since I've bottomed and I kinda need that right about now" (which tends to be from various RL stresses and they just want to spend some time not having to be strong or in charge) and as long as I'm feeling up to a scene they tend to get what they want :) So it is about fairness, but it's less about equal turns and more about "hmm, we bought this two flavor thing of pocky, I usually have chocolate but today I'd like the strawberry, please" -- we already did the basic negotiation that since we both switch, it would be unfair if we had rigid roles but we could work it out on a case by case basis because we're grown-ups and not douchebags.

We also enjoy flipping the scene on each other, particularly when it's a format of scene we do variations on all the time. It's a nice surprise to have the "damsel in distress protesting but not too hard when the knight tries to extract some Favors" scene flip to where the damsel is now making the knight her bitch ;)


One of my buddies is a married man; he mentioned once that while he usually tops his husband, occasionally he gets a craving to be royally railed and his husband generally obliges. I didn't ask what they do when they're having incompatible cravings -- flip a coin? Take turns? Go for a second round? I assume it works out somehow bc they both seem happy & even a little smug about their relationship.

[(Anonymous)]

So long as I can buy into how the sexy times progress into sex, I don't have much issue with switching between sex scenes. My suspension of disbelief is fucked with if the characters talk about it in the fic when there is no reason to (like, I'll be forgiving if one character is new to the relationship/sexual dynamic).

But in general, I'm a pretty forgiving reader. I can most times overlook the things I don't like if the story/characters are interesting enough that I want to finish the fic.
Or I'll press the back button and never think of the fic again.

[(Anonymous)]

I like the switching part, but I cannot be bothered by discussions of fairness

[(Anonymous)]

Always hated the "I'll bottom for you as a sign of my trust" in most non-fandom MM. It's a cliche that I really don't enjoy.