fandomsecrets | [ SECRET POST #6692 ]

[ SECRET POST #6692 ]

⌈ Secret Post #6692 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

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[Xenoblade Chronicles X]

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04. [WARNING for discussion of fictional incest]

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05. [WARNING for discussion of JKR and related topics]

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06. [WARNING for discussion of Neil Gaiman and rape/sexual assault]

Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 00 pages, 00 secrets from Secret Submission Post #956..
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 0 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

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Do you think empathy is finite? That you can burn through your reserves?

If so, how do you re-charge?

If it's finite, how do you think it's best spent?

Horded like a miser? Given to those closest to you to maintain personal relationships? Or reserved for strangers who may need it more and would be of greater benefit to a larger number of people?

Piss me off enough times and I just straight up stop caring about someone as a person. Not the the point where I’ll be actively malicious, as that takes emotional effort, but I no longer give two shits about engaging with them on any level and any interactions are bare minimum at best. Like they exist, okay and I’m busy doing shit I care about, next.

Man, I kind of wish I had that skill. Sometimes I absolutely hate that I can't stop caring about people. I reach a level where I just don't care to interact with them or even think about them that often, so that's something.

Yeah, same. My brother was emotionally abusive to me for years, and I put up with it because it was "just" emotional abuse and not anything physical, but I finally reached the point where I'd had enough and just could not put up with it any longer. It's now been several years since I've had any contact whatsoever with him, and most days I actually forget he exists.

I don't really understand the question. To me, empathy isn't something I choose to turn on or off, I just...have it. It just is.

I do think some people have to be taught empathy and a lot of people just don't have it.

I guess depression and burn out would turn off empathy. If you just don't have the bandwidth to care about anything.

I don't think empathy itself is finite, but I think humans are finite. We all reach a point of exhaustion. When there is so much horror in the world, it can be easy to get overwhelmed.

I think the best way to deal with empathy exhaustion is to have empathy for yourself, take some time for self care, and then you can come back with empathy restored.

I think most people don't actually have empathy. I think most people imagine how they would feel in that situation, not how the other person is actually feeling. They lack the ability to truly take on a different perspective. So most people like to say they have empathy but really they're just selfish and viewing everyone's world through their own eyes and calling it empathy.

I think most people imagine how they would feel in that situation, not how the other person is actually feeling.

That's what empathy IS. The ability to put yourself in another person's shoes and by imagining how you would feel, you get at least somewhat of an idea how they are feeling and are able to care for what they're going through. That's not selfish, that's being human. No one is able to TRULY know how something feels until they experience it themselves, but trying to imagine how they would feel in a given situation gives them at least a bit of ability to relate to what someone else is going through.

People who actually don't have empathy think "well, I can't relate to what that person is dealing with, so why should I care?"

So you're complaining that people who try to be empathetic are actually selfish because *checks notes*... they aren't psychic?

What the actual goddamn fuck are you on about

In my experience, that's not how empathy works. It just is. I have it for some people and not so much for others, usually people who are assholes.

I think it's finite just because eventually your mental health taps out. I think I'm super empathic. I stress far more about the problems of people I know than my own. Way alike at night worried about my siblings kind of stuff. And while I've not run out, I have noticed that I just don't give a shit about strangers getting their comeuppance.

My empathy is renewable, but it is not "infinite." Caring about everything at the same level at all times is impossible and unrealistic. And frankly exhausting.

That said, it helps to read the room and learn to prioritize who receives your empathy and to what degree. Some folks will gladly receive it and return it, while others... have difficulty in this area.

Yes, I think it's possible to drain one's reserves of empathy. It's unfortunate, but some people are very emotionally draining and demanding. When they want your time, attention, sympathy (or other resources) frequently for the same problems, and maybe those problems are something they're responsible for in the first place, and maybe they don't reciprocate that time, attention, sympathy, etc. for YOU when YOU are in need of some understanding? Those empathy reserves will empty quickly.

The brazen entitlement some people have of YOUR attention whenever they have a problem that needs fixing to the point where you're their only go-to and they absolutely refuse to try fixing it themselves or asking someone else... that can kill empathy. There's no recharging it if you stay trapped in that cycle where someone's an emotional vampire sucking you dry. You must detach, put space between yourself and that person and not set yourself on fire just to keep them warm.

As for how it's spent, that's so individual to the person spending it and their situation that I really couldn't say. I know I'm guilty of expending way too many resources on people who aren't the least bit grateful and who won't help me out in return. I SHOULD be more miserly with it, at least until my own physical and mental health is more stable, until I'm not tired and bitter all the time. But that's a hard ask because life doesn't really slow down just because you're ready to drop.

I feel it best when I experienced similar problems myself. It's not the best feeling so no point in reigniting it. Homeless cats, people in pain and so on, I try to ignore it. Luckily I don't live in Africa or Indonesia so there's not too much misery around me.

On account of my autism, empathy is something I had to learn rather than something innate, so in that respect, yes, for me it's finite. With that said, I can sympathize without empathizing, that is a separate reserve, though when it hits that point I do have to be upfront about that.

I thought it was fairly well established in the field of psychology that empathy is finite. The term "empathy death" comes from this phenomenon: some people have vastly more of it than others, but after a while, we get burned out and just stop giving a shit, the same as most other reactive emotions.

For example, my sibling is an ER doc and sent me an article using the term to describe a phenomenon amongst health care providers in my country in the wake of the COVID pandemic: after being critically short-staffed, underfunded, and given the finger by the government and called greedy when they complained, the general public started to harass and abuse them (at least, much moreso than previously) over internet conspiracy theories (and just fear, generally), e.g., being asked to vaccinate, wear a mask, or even that COVID existed - while they and their family members were quite literally dying of COVID, in some cases. In addition to the rise in and mistrust and antagonism towards the medical profession in general. Here's this person trained away the best years of their lives through gruelling schooling pulling 24-hour shifts with naps so they can continue to help and serve you, and you scream in their face and try to assault them and refuse to listen to their advice. So they just... stopped caring. My sibling says it's pretty much ubiquitous now: they're done. They don't give a shit. They don't care about your pain anymore, you're a car they're fixing, now. And if you don't want to listen, then suffer and die. They're fine with it. And it'll take a long time for that to change at this point.

I think empathy itself is infinite, but my ability to care for someone is very VERY finite, mostly due to my mental health limitation. I had to learn to not care too much about other people because if not they drag me down like nothing. I can still see why/how they are suffering and think they don't deserve it, but I just don't care enough to intervene or feel bad about it.

I hate WAY too much shit to do today to keep track of this and respond, but this was some genuinely compelling replies, I'm sorry I couldn't give the attention they deserved. I like to respond to people when I have thoughts, and I didn't get to do that today, but these were some interesting takes.

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[ SECRET POST #6692 ]

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