Case (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
case) wrote in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png)
fandomsecrets2025-07-23 06:41 pm
case) wrote in fandomsecrets2025-07-23 06:41 pm
[ SECRET POST #6774 ]
⌈ Secret Post #6774 ⌋
Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.
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[Knives Out]
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Notes:
Secrets Left to Post: 01 pages, 10 secrets from Secret Submission Post #969.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 0 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.
Types and compatibility?
(Anonymous) 2025-07-24 12:20 am (UTC)(link)The whole 'nice guy' thing has been around for a while. Girls always pass over the Nice Guy and date bad guys! The implication seems to be that if they were smart and decent, Girls (who of course have a goal of getting into a relationship with a man) would just look at the first Nice man who shows interest in her, realize that he's Nice and a Man, and hand herself over for sex/marriage/reproduction. But they don't, so they must be dating Bad men.
To me there are so many more things that are important if you want a long term relationship than just 'are they nice or not'. Like:
- do you want children or not, and are they on the same page?
- if you both do want children, who is going to be the primary caretaker? Is one person going to stay home, or are both parents going to work? How will you educate them (Public schools? Private schools? Homeschooling?)? Do you believe in corporal punishment? If your kid is gay/trans, will you accept them or kick them out of the house?
- are you religious or not, and are your religious beliefs or lack thereof compatible with the other person's?
- are your values compatible?
- is your sexuality compatible (for example, does one person have a much higher sex drive than the other? Does one person have a fetish or kink that the other person finds off putting?)
Then there's physical types. I know conventional beauty standards are a thing, but people still have different preferences. But there's always some guy insisting that you could find a Nice man if you didn't expect every man to be 6'11 or whatever.
I had a friend who was really into bearded men, and I can't stand full beards.
I've seen a guy who I would consider ugly basically assuming that women who looked at him were attracted to him, and posting memes where men who looked just like him (big, muscular, bald, bearded) were always the Hot guys that women loved compared to any other type of guy. This guy was not my type at all, but I know some people would find hm physically attractive.
Re: Types and compatibility?
(Anonymous) 2025-07-24 12:31 am (UTC)(link)It's only "nice guy" incels, not actually nice guys, who post that sort of thing, but they're LOUD.
There is actually a lid for most kettles. I don't like beards either, but for some, no beard is the dealbreaker. I don't care for tattoos, but some people love them. I would never want to date a "bad boy" or risktaker/criminal type; I like bookish academic types and I don't care if they are muscular; skinny is fine, don't care.
I do think that there are, in a rough sense...leagues, though, and a lot of these guys refuse to accept that going to the gym isn't going to make you handsome and charismatic, just fitter. It's not going to help a very unattractive face. If you look at every couple you know, most people are with someone who's generally about as attractive as they are.
Re: Types and compatibility?
(Anonymous) 2025-07-24 12:40 am (UTC)(link)Just from my own personal experiences of people around me, those who try to make relationships work based off of attraction alone rarely seem to work out or are happy if the pair are trying to make it work. But again: this is just my perspective, things like this are usually pretty complex.
Re: Types and compatibility?
(Anonymous) 2025-07-24 02:19 am (UTC)(link)You're right in that people should ask themselves those types of questions, but it doesn't seem to occur to most people. I think maybe a lot of people don't even think about their own standards to figure out what they want and what expectations they have of a relationship, so it doesn't occur to them to check that out in a potential partner.
And there'll always be dudes who are convinced that the real reason why women aren't lining up to suck their dick is because women are shallow and don't want nice guys. It's bitter grapes, all the way down. Because if they were forced to admit that no, there are other, totally legit reasons why no one wants to touch your dingdong, that would upset them a whole lot and they might have to consider the drastic step of trying to be a better person.
Re: Types and compatibility?
(Anonymous) 2025-07-24 08:24 am (UTC)(link)Most guys always came off self-centered or patronizing, and it wasn't until I was much older did I understand that a lot of men do that to display dominance and I think I was supposed to find that sexy??
It's very much men telling other men what women want because neither party can actually show up for women and listen to what women say and respect women's wishes or desires.
Another thing I also noticed was that people tend to settle. Like, one person will say they don't want to have kids but the other likes their partner for a lot of other reasons so they don't place enough importance on the fact that they themselves do want kids.
Either one or both parties will assume they will get their way the longer they stay together.