fandomsecrets | [ SECRET POST #6872 ]

[ SECRET POST #6872 ]

⌈ Secret Post #6872 ⌋

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I envy people who have great relationships with their parents. Mine aren't terrible, but we're never going to be besties, you know? If they weren't my family, we would not be friends. There's just very little common ground, they make very little effort to understand or get to know me as an adult, and they're still trying to micromanage my life like I'm 8 even though I haven't lived at home for 15+ years.

I have a great relationship with my father. I think my mother spends a lot of time sitting around thinking up stuff to criticize me about and I haven't lived with my parents (I don't call it "living at home" because I consider where I live my home) since the early 80's.

I regularly go on vacations with my mom. It wasn't until I met my now-wife that I realized how good I had it growing up. My mom's philosophy was that she was the one who wanted a kid and I hadn't asked to be here, so it was her responsibility to prepare me to live my life, not to make me into a mini-her. She emphasized education and curiosity and never shamed me for asking any question under the sun.

Looking back on it, I'm pretty sure I made my southern christian mother rethink a lot of things when I told her in high school I would probably be bringing home a girlfriend instead of a boyfriend because she was uncharacteristically quiet for almost a month after and then went back to her usual self. She never made me not being who or what she expected my problem. Best mom ever.

(My wife, on the other hand, has a dad who, among other things, expected her to major in what he wanted at the school he wanted or he wouldn't pay for anything. She ended up paying her own way through and hasn't talked to him in about a decade.)

Your mom sounds rather exceptional. Mine was somewhere in between... she didn't insist on dictating my major, but she certainly tried to control many of my other life choices, including how I dressed, how I wore my hair, what I ate and how much of it I ate, what hobbies I pursued, what books I read, etc. Nothing was ever quite right or good enough. She would've been a lot happier if I'd been a miniature version of her in all ways, including appearance.

I don't understand parents who do that. Trying to exert that much control over another person just sounds boring and tiring. They need a hobby.

As I got older, I realized that she had a very rigid way of seeing the world, and a great deal of poorly managed anxiety. Seeing her children do the "wrong" thing (because only her way was the correct way) made her panic because she was certain it would lead to disaster, and she often said this out loud like it wasn't nuts to imply that washing dishes wrongly could doom your whole life. So all her attempts to control me were really fierce because she believed it was for my own good. It was pretty screwed up, and she has never accepted the fact that I'm a different person, with different needs and different ways of doing things.

Yeah, my mother has gone through life like she expects to get a pat on the head and an "atta girl!" if she "follows the rules". She is so damn rigid about trying to be "right and proper" that all it has led her is this life of deprivation and two kids who want nothing to do with her because she couldn't unbend from 1950s childraising beliefs in the 1980s and 1990s, and never mind all the ways the world keeps people who follow all the rules poor...It has only harmed her, but she is still the same, dirt poor, judgemental ass as a pensioner as she was as younger woman.

I absolutely did. They were not perfect people, of course - they both grew up during the Depression, and they had some notions I would never agree with, but I adored them. I liked visiting and hanging out, I liked talking with them. My siblings and I talk often of our childhoods and how just fucking awesome it was. I miss them terribly.

My Dad passed last year, but we were super close. He was absolutely my best friend. My mother ran away when I was 15, and we never heard from her again. We found a lot of evidence after pointing towards her being a complete sociopath, pathological liar and kind of hating/plotting against her own family, so we dodged a bit of a bullet with her leaving, but I miss having a mum and dad a lot.

Hugs for you, nonny. I'm envious too.

I had a good relationship with my dad before he passed, and I have a better relationship with my mother than I did when I was a teenager. I live at home with mum and we're taking care of each other in his passing.

"I live at home with mum and we're taking care of each other in his passing."

This is incredibly sweet and I am glad you are there for each other. Best wishes, losing a parent and a spouse is beyond difficult.

I have a similar relationship with my remaining parents. They don’t know me and don’t care about my interests. I didn’t follow the path they wanted and in 30 years they’ve never bothered to learn even the most basic things about the path I did follow. At times they even got angry with me for telling them stuff because I was wasting their time. I had four parents. I’ve cut two out of my life, the really evil one died, and the other is ok. Not great but I freely confess that knowing I’ll inherit their estate is the only reason I maintain contact these days.

Honestly, to me that's a valid choice. But I grew up with a great deal of financial insecurity, and I still deal with these issues. It's stressful and draining, and while money can't buy you happiness, it can buy you a whole lot of damn security and peace. I hope you get that inheritance and freedom.

No, I am estranged by my choice. I grieve the happy family relationships I never had, but being estranged and focusing on my own wellbeing is something I've never once regretted. I do rather envy people who have friendships with their parents, that seems wonderful.

Eh. I get along with them on a cordial level where we understand to help each other out when asked, but we're not close.

My relationship with my parents is way, way better now because we all understand that they can't overpower me with violence anymore. Whether physical or verbal, they don't attack/belittle me anymore because they realized I can fight back. And unlike them my tongue is a billion times more brutal than any physical beatings they ever gave me.
But you know, just because I don't live in fear my parents anymore doesn't mean we exactly get along.

I still feel like I can't depend on my parents for too much and it still stings knowing they have more warm and engaging relationships with relatives who aren't their kids.

There will always be a distance between us and I'm pretty sure my parents are hoping I'm going to take the lead in mending things and creating a closer and more loving relationship, but I'm too bitter to do that. I still feel like my parents only want this so they can feel and be seen as amazing parents with amazing loving kids, but reality remains my parents don't like or much less even have any interest in who their children really are.

So...eh.

Nope. It's been a matter of gritted teeth and politeness for many decades. I can't understand why people have kids and then expect them to be carbon copies or puppets, nor why they expect grandchildren ffs, but there you go. I wish I did have good parents though.

I loved my mom so much amd we got along great as adults. We even went to PAX together one year because a game we both played was releasing a big announcement at the con! She died 2 years ago and I am still heartbroken and depressed about it.

My dad and I also get along and have taken trips together but the relationship is definitely more work. I love him jusy as much but he and I butt heads a lot more than my mom and I did. Though I am suoer proud of how he has stepped up after mom died with showing his care for me and my siblings. He used to be the type that would just get all the info from mom (my siblings and I would chat on the phone with mom often) but he has made a real effort to call and text and keep everyone in the loop.

Idk if we'd be friends if not related, personally I think that's a weird way to view a relationship. Like, I wouldn't be friends with 90%of my extended family (aunts, uncles, cousins, etc) but they are still family and I love them. But I get what you're trying to say I suppose.

Mine was great until one passed away and the other has never been very protective so it's lukewarm veering into hellish maybe :') Nothing much just he is sexist and I am a woman so this means I spent my entire life trying to deal with hating being a woman while he made it even worse w

I love my parents. I talk with my mom every day. My dad is very reserved. If I believed in the 'love languages', I'd say his is Acts of Service. Doesn't express his emotions much but will always come pick me up when I travel to see them and hand me a twenty when I'm leaving, even I am a grown adult with a job.

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[ SECRET POST #6872 ]

Do you get along with your parents?

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Re: Do you get along with your parents?

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Re: Do you get along with your parents?

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Re: Do you get along with your parents?

Re: Do you get along with your parents?

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