[ SECRET POST #6905 ]

[case]

⌈ Secret Post #6905 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.


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Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 01 pages, 24 secrets from Secret Submission Post #986.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 0 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

Comments

Re: Health of partner concern

[(Anonymous)]

The problem is that your partner is not a reliable narrator in this context. This person is trying to convince you to come and save them, which means making you feel sorry for them. Without independent corroboration of this abuse, I'd taken anything they say with a grain of salt.

They say their mom is "maybe not exactly abusive", but their mom is also the person who's doing 99% of the heavy lifting in the household chores. If your partner only gets up to go to the bathroom and get food, that means someone else is cleaning that bathroom (and the whole damn rest of the house), shopping for that food, (maybe cooking it?), doing all the cleaning since your partner can't even pick up something from the floor without strain and everything else that needs doing. Your partner might downplay and dismiss all that work someone else is doing for them (big red flag, BTW), but you can't afford to do that, nor can you afford to ignore what this says about their personality.

You're right. It isn't lack of freedom that's keeping your partner from exercising and eating better. Presumably their family isn't keeping them hostage and insisting they not lift a finger around the house. In fact, I'd bet good money that the family is unhappy and resentful about how little this person does and the atmosphere of the house might be a little uncomfortable for your partner as a result. Which is why your partner wants YOU to come take over the duties his mother currently does. Then there'll be other excuses besides lack of freedom for why they won't even attempt to master basic adult skills, and if you question that, you will be the villain just like his mother is now.

Honestly if we were friends, I would tell you that even a LDR sounds terrible and encourage you to break up. You're already this person's therapist and emotional labor mule. This person wants you to take on MORE work, while refusing to help themselves in any way. They refuse to take responsibility for their actions and situation, but want your sympathy for it nonetheless. When you try to encourage them to do the sensible thing by addressing their obvious and manageable health issues, they turn on you. By your own account, you don't quite trust them to tell you the truth. Those are all red flags that spell "Get out".

I don't know you, OP. But I still think you deserve better than to stay with this person and doing all the work in the relationship while you wait for their inevitable (and avoidable!) death. That's time you could spend on yourself, improving your own situation and pursuing relationships that are healthy and giving. Don't set yourself on fire to keep someone else warm.