fandomsecrets | [ SECRET POST #6918 ]

⌈ Secret Post #6918 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

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[Marvel Rivals/X-Men 97]

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Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 03 pages, 58 secrets from Secret Submission Post #988.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 0 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

Yeah, I can see how it can be a big thing for people to deal with. In the sporadic contact we had she did say "oh yeah I'm so bad at keeping up with my Facebook messages, that's why I didn't reply" but that had.. never ever been an issue before? She used to reply within seconds? And she lives on Facebook, all day long, so how can she miss them?

I really don't have a lot of friends, so it fucking sucks having to actually cop to losing one. I'm tired and we're in our thirties, we're too old to be ghosting ffs. Thank you for your advice. I really appreciate it.

I'm sorry, anon. Some people are just cowards, plain and simple. I've lost a parent myself, and it's a mixed bag. Some people I hadn't spoken to in years showed up to express sympathy and ask if I needed to talk, or if my family needed anything. And some friends heard the news, but pretended like they hadn't. I expected it, but it was still grim to see that happen in real time. People who leave you high and dry in your time of need aren't real friends, and it changed how I feel about them forever. (Though none of them had the BALLS to come back and ask me for a big, important favor before ghosting me again, that's some fucking nerve right there.)

If you miss her and value her friendship, I'd come straight out and ask her but honestly? Don't expect a whole lot. She's already shown a tendency to lie and make excuses for herself. If she has an ounce of decency, she's probably feeling ashamed of her behavior... ane yet not motivated to do the right thing, which isn't that hard. Expressing sympathy and sending condolences isn't hard. Meeting a friend for coffee isn't hard. People are just cowards.

You're absolutely right on the mixed bag thing. Some people reappear and become mainstays in your life, and other people just vanish. The Father's Day thing I never quite got over, because she was literally having dinnner a one minute walk away from where we arranged to meet and it would've taken two seconds to say sorry I can't make it, but she just didn't show and I waited for her like an absolute melon for a couple hours surrounded by families coming out for Fathers' Day.

I've just deleted my Facebook, so I guess this could be an opening to say I'll be on Whatsapp/etc if you do want to talk to me, but the fact she hasn't messaged me all year makes me think I'll just stop. I'm just sad. I'm really fucking sad.

Thank you for taking the time, I really appreciate it.

This should have been in the comment, but I'm sorry for your loss as well, anon. Losing a parent is something else. I really hope you had/have some good people to steady you through it. x

Thank you. I was very fortunate to have people who supported me through that loss, but I know that's not always the case. There are several people here on FS who have lost a parent, so you're not alone.

As for the Father's Day meeting, I would personally find that difficult to forgive. The significance of how much seeing your friend would've meant to you, combined with the low effort on her part. I'd lie awake at night if I'd ever let a friend down that way. I'm very sorry for your loss, and I hope you find friends who can be there for you in the way that you deserve.

[ SECRET POST #6918 ]

Re: Advice on distancing from friends

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