[ SECRET POST #6927 ]

[case]

⌈ Secret Post #6927 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.


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[Promise Mascot Agency]


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Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 01 pages, 25 secrets from Secret Submission Post #989.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 0 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

Comments

[fscom]

07. https://cdn.imgchest.com/files/edcca5068d27.png

Transcript by OP

[fscom]

During that Thanksgiving episode where it's revealed that a young Chandler made a crack to Ross about not wanting to be left with his "fat sister", I was anti their relationship in the future. I know he apologized, but I hate bully/victim ships in any iteration. If you can't be decent to a woman when she's overweight, you don't get to start when she's thin.

[(Anonymous)]

I still think Friends is pretty funny, generally speaking, but there is quite a bit of humor that didn't really age well. The fat jokes weren't even funny at the time.

[(Anonymous)]

I've been doing a rewatch for some mindless TV and the fat jokes and the gay jokes all go down like lead balloons.

[(Anonymous)]

I can kinda see your point except he didn’t bully her. He said something insensitive as a teenager and she overheard it. And what he said would not have been considered inappropriate to almost anyone in the mid-to late 80s. The scene was also clearly showing his growth. I can understand if that’s still unacceptable for you but calling it bullying is a reach.

[(Anonymous)]

Right? He shouldn't have said it (and, if I recall correctly, was very apologetic when he found out she'd heard it), but it wasn't bullying. If it had been directed at her and it had happened more than once, okay. But no, saying something insensitive about a person that you don't intend for them to hear to someone else is not bullying.

[(Anonymous)]

Exactly! And yeah, he felt awful when he found out.

[(Anonymous)]

I was a chubby kid in the mid to late 80s and I would've considered it very inappropriate and hurtful to be called someone's "fat sister".

[(Anonymous)]

Inappropriate and hurtful but not bullying

[(Anonymous)]

I was responding to this remark specifically: " And what he said would not have been considered inappropriate to almost anyone in the mid-to late 80s".

That simply isn't true. Whether or not it can be considered bullying in addition to being insensitive and cruel, I suppose not because it was a comment that wasn't meant to be overheard. That doesn't really make it feel much better, IMO.

[(Anonymous)]

Yeah, it would suck. It DID suck. Because it happened ALL the time. It was the default view of the time. Overweight = bad. Thank god we’ve moved on from that (most of us have, anyway). But today’s views don’t change the framing for the flashback scene.

[(Anonymous)]

The fact that people casually body-shamed others for being overweight (something that still happens frequently in 2025) doesn't mean it's an appropriate remark to make. If it wasn't inappropriate, why would Chandler feel any remorse about saying it?

[(Anonymous)]

Being judgemental about someone a single time when you think they can't hear what you're saying is not bullying. Bullying is a pattern of confrontational, face-to-face behavior.

It was a shitty thing to say, but I don't like the idea that someone saying something shitty when they're young (or even when they're old) makes them irredeemable. Most people say and/or do something shitty at some point in their lives, and completely foreclosing the chance for them to come back from that has the opposite effect of what I think you intend, in that it disincentivizes growth and change, because it makes growth and chance socially meaningless. Also, it's worth mentioning that some things that are shitty in retrospect don't seem so in the moment, because time and place influence what individuals find acceptable to think, do, and say.

[(Anonymous)]

+1
…completely foreclosing the chance for them to come back from that has the opposite effect of what I think you intend, in that it disincentivizes growth and change, because it makes growth and chance socially meaningless.
This right here! This is what gets me about people like OP. It’s bad enough in fandom but it’s become quite common IRL, too. And the result is that people stop trying because why should they?

[(Anonymous)]

People seem really stuck on the issue of whether or not this was bullying or not. Honestly, that seems like a side issue. If I'd heard a guy say this about me or another woman, I would not date that guy. I suppose there's some leeway if he truly demonstrated some real growth and remorse for such an unkind, cruel insult, but again... I'd rather date a guy who wasn't prone to being mean to people who are overweight.