fandomsecrets | [ SECRET POST #6937 ]

⌈ Secret Post #6937 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

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05. https://cdn.imgchest.com/files/835ba36081a9.png
[OP warned for NSFW art, partial female nudity - sculpture]

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06. https://cdn.imgchest.com/files/87676a790040.png
[OP warned for NSFW image, partial male nudity - TV show]

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07. [SPOILERS for Knives Out, Wake Up Dead Man]

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08. [WARNING for discussion of abuse, etc]

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09. [WARNING for discussion of abuse]

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10. [WARNING for discussion of rape/non-con]

Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 00 pages, 00 secrets from Secret Submission Post #990.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 0 - not!secrets ], [ 1 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

My partner never listens to me. We have had the same conversations repeatedly with me asking them not to do something and then they go and do the thing and be all "I did it for you! I am being helpful!" It is kind of pointless yet wastefull stuff and at this point I am just irrationally enraged that they just don't *think*. And no, they are not being purposely mean or manipulative or anything they are just absent minded and socially oblivious and seem to honestly not recall the many exact conversations we've had. And tbf to them it really is kind of minor things, it is more the repeated lack of listening that enrages me at this point rather than the actual actions.

And now I am filled with irrational rage right before bed. I am going to go and do some breathing exercises and distract myself but I deal with anxiety and repetitive/intrusive thoughts and stuff like this is such a trigger.

Not looking for advice or opinions about my partner or relationship. Mostly just ranting and venting but if you have tips for me for dealing with strong overwhelming negative emotions they are welcome!

It's hard to deal with the negative emotions when you can't stop the source, unfortunately. Your partner could listen to you if he wanted to. He just doesn't care enough to do it. It's not that hard to NOT do something your partner has asked you not to do. Instead, he's expending actual effort and energy into doing something he knows you don't want. And I bet he's not great at actually putting effort into doing stuff you DO want, either. That's not a coincidence.

https://health.clevelandclinic.org/weaponized-incompetence

Hi OP's partner

DA

This thread is so funny to me ngl. OP like "please don't give me your advice or opinions about my relationship" and people like "isn't it shitty when people don't listen to you? Anyway, here's my opinion about your relationship"

That’s so infuriating! When something sets me off at home, stepping outside helps. Just getting out of the space and replacing all the sights, sounds, smells helps me redirect my thoughts. Otherwise I’ll just stay angry and keep making myself angrier thinking about everything that’s ever angered me before. Idk why my brain works that way but it sucks. I hope you can let go and have a good night, nonnie!

Not irrational rage at all. Very appropriate rage!

That doesn't sound irrational at all. It's absolutely infuriating when another adult who supposedly cares about you refuses to listen to what you say and ends up repeatedly doing things you've asked them not to do. It feels like they don't care, or that they're being deliberately provocative and/or lazy, and that you're being taken for granted. There's also the frustrating feeling that you don't actually have a partner in life, you've got a child in a grown-up's body who wants the privileges of being a partner, but the responsibilities of being a child. YOUR child, specifically. I've got plenty of first hand experience with this.

First, make sure you've got your own space and time to decompress, because you'll need it. Get out of the house if you can, burn off some of the stress with light exercise like walking. But find and protect your peace. If you don't already have a room to yourself to just sit quietly and breathe, try to make a space for yourself. Also save your energy for yourself. Do this by cutting waaaaaaaay back on any nice things you do for the partner who can't be bothered to listen to you or be attentive to your needs. Don't waste your emotional resources on them. Spend those resources on yourself, improve your life, and actively pursue a friend network and find people who DO listen to you and support you.

Also, make an exit plan. Even if you don't need it, there's a sense of security in having one. Secure your important documents like birth certificates, passports. Make sure your finances are locked down and not shared, including online accounts and passwords. Consider packing a bug-out bag with a few changes of clothes, personal items, etc. Figure out where you'll go. Give yourself the peace of mind knowing that if the shit hits the fan, you can be out of the house in under five minutes and breathing free air.

As this thread proves, most people - even with good intentions - are bad at taking direction and listening to what you actually ask for instead of ignoring that and giving you they think you need, lol.

Hot tea and hot baths are nice. Puzzles like crosswords or sudoku are good too. Something that you have to focus on to solve, that has nothing to do with anything else besides its own internal logic.

[ SECRET POST #6937 ]

Irrational anger. A rant.

Re: Irrational anger. A rant.

Re: Irrational anger. A rant.

Re: Irrational anger. A rant.

Re: Irrational anger. A rant.

Re: Irrational anger. A rant.

Re: Irrational anger. A rant.

Re: Irrational anger. A rant.