[ SECRET POST #6945 ]

[case]

⌈ Secret Post #6945 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.


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[Bridgerton]


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[A Court of Thorns and Roses, Ice Planet Barbarians]



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07.
[Of the Devil]


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Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 02 pages, 54 secrets from Secret Submission Post #992.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 0 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

Comments

Re: Tired of feeling taken for granted and never appreciated

[(Anonymous)]

Sounds like you need to set and maintain some boundaries.

OP

[(Anonymous)]

You're right. I'm a people pleaser and have a hard time saying NO. I hate being this way but I don't know how to not be, as pathetic as that sounds.

DA

[(Anonymous)]

Listen, the advice is easy: learn to say no. But the practical application is very very hard. Don't beat yourself up for not knowing how or being bad at it, a lot of people are. You just have to start small and just keep trying. Consider each time you do it like a little bit of exposure therapy. It will eventually get easier!

The one thing I'd suggest is to sit down and really think about what you want. Think about past things you've agreed to and which ones you shouldn't have and which ones were fine. Play imaginary scenarios in your head of things people in your life might realistically ask you, and figure out which would be a yes and a no. Mentally practice a script for saying no in a way that makes you comfortable. Some people like a flat no or no thanks, some people like a "oh unfortunately I have plans" or something like that.

Re: DA

[(Anonymous)]

DA2 Also, it’s okay to change your mind! It took me a long time to realize that if I didn’t want to do something, I could call the person and bow out. Sometimes they got mad at me which was tough to take, but it really helped me to start saying no when I really didn’t want to do something.

Re: DA

[(Anonymous)]

And if you do change your mind, the earlier you let them know, the better. Getting it over and done with is easier on both sides so you are in part doing it for them.

Someone getting mad at you canceling 2 weeks before an event is them being unreasonable. Someone getting mad at you canceling the day before, when you knew you didn't want to go 2 weeks ago but were afraid to say, is you being unreasonable

OP

[(Anonymous)]

I really appreciate this a lot. Like you said, the advice is so easy but I find it hard to put it into practice. I know I should tell people no, but I get this twisting guilty feeling in my gut. A lot of this stems from a few years back when I had a really needy, clingy friend. She tore through friendships and jobs and relationships like a tornado, leaving a trail of destruction in her wake. I felt bad because she isn't a bad person at heart, but she's very intense and just needs so much interaction and time together and reassurance, and her feelings get hurt really easily. I really struggled to tell her no because she would try to guilt me and twist my arm. I ended up having to cut her off and I felt, and still feel, so incredibly terrible about it, like I was a monster to ditch her, but it was damaging my own mental health so badly I had to do it. She just wouldn't take no for an answer and wanted me to spent all of my free time with her. Ever since then I just feel so burnt out and almost hopeless about having friends and dealing with people.