[ SECRET POST #6945 ]

[case]

⌈ Secret Post #6945 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.


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[Bridgerton]


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[A Court of Thorns and Roses, Ice Planet Barbarians]



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[Of the Devil]


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Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 02 pages, 54 secrets from Secret Submission Post #992.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 0 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

Comments

Re: Tired of feeling taken for granted and never appreciated

[(Anonymous)]

...none of those things have to do with successfully setting boundaries or not, though. The only boundaries you can set are your own: it's the line where you remove yourself from the situation or refuse to participate.

If someone is forcing you physically, socially, or financially into things after you have asked, begged, screamed, and yelled at them that you refuse, you are not in a 'social pressure' situation like OP is talking about, you are in a situation where outright crimes are being committed against you. Boundaries do not solve those, but that was not the situation OP was talking about.

Re: Tired of feeling taken for granted and never appreciated

[(Anonymous)]

DA
exactly, this is abuse
and if this is a case, no amount of boundaries will help - you need escape this situation

Re: Tired of feeling taken for granted and never appreciated

[(Anonymous)]

AYRT

Yeah. A healthy set of boundaries can help you avoid abuse, or prevent abusers from getting a foothold. But they won't prevent determined abusers from overrunning those boundaries because abusers don't care about laws or invading your privacy. Boundaries are obviously not going to help you from being physically attacked, financially coerced, blackmailed, etc.

However, they're very useful to act as clear lines that act as flags and show you when abuse is happening, or that those people are in fact abusing you, if they keep ignoring and breaking boundaries that you have set. When it becomes 'outright abuse' and not a 'social pressure' situation, the solution changes to 'escape the circumstances' which is unfortunately another 'simple but difficult' idea... but not the same idea.

+1

[(Anonymous)]

Saying "Sorry, I have other plans this weekend, I'm not going to be available" is setting a boundary. If you do that and they force you into it anyway (and I mean with threats or physical force, not just trying to convince you to change your plans), then that's abuse.