[ SECRET POST #6948 ]

[case]

⌈ Secret Post #6948 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.


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[Game of Thrones/A Song of Ice and Fire series by George R.R. Martin]



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[Heated Rivalry]



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[Law and Order SVU vigilante justice > Batman-style vigilante justice]



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Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 02 pages, 30 secrets from Secret Submission Post #992.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 0 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

Comments

[fscom]

01. https://cdn.imgchest.com/files/576afa36b366.png

Transcript by OP

[fscom]

My older sister introduced me to fandom when I was nine - we were hardcore Mulder and Scully shippers (still are). To her, fandom was a phase. To me, it became a part of life. She knows this.

So why is she constantly nagging me to watch shows when she knows we watch them differently?! I'm so tired of finally giving in and watching whole seasons, then wanting to talk about it with her only to find out it was an interest for like a week and she doesn't even remember a bunch of stuff that happened. It's like she wants to feel a bit of that old fandom fervor from someone but then drop it. I'm tired of being her random hit of fandomy enthusiasm.

Can't tell her this because I love her and texting is how we stay close when physically apart. If I ask her to stop texting recs to me I know she'll take it personally, and I don't have the energy for her to be offended at me.

Re: Transcript by OP

[(Anonymous)]

Talking beats texting. And no one has to watch recs. You say that you finish the series she recs you and even gets fan-ish about it. That means that those recs are high quality high precision. Why not feel gratefull about that? I am not in any of my sister's current fandoms, she's not in mine. And that's ok. Like, my sister gave me Witcher 2 the game because she ships someone (not the bard) with Geralt. So I guess she wated me to become a fan. Well, the game glitched early on and I couldn't be bothered to re inctall it. She's not in MCU while I shiped the best ship there and even wrote some WIPs, which is like the height of fandom involement for me.

So I do not understand this secret. Why do you think that your sister wants to have anything to do with fandom if she watches casually? Why aren't you grateful for good recs? Why do you thing that one common fandom means that you will have more common fandoms?

I and my sister shared a few fandoms. It was fun. It's a good memory. We wrote fics together, went to a few cons, etc. The good thing is that we both like pre-slash so it wasn't anything embarassing. There's a lot of things I'd like to get from my older sister but no way to get them. For example saying good morning and other pleasantries is important for me but not for her. Doing things together, etc. However it's not meant to be. I can either feelt hurt and resentful or accept that those thing are in the past. The shared fandom times have passed.

[(Anonymous)]

I'd thank her for the rec and say you'll put it on your list for the next time you're looking for something to watch because you trust her judgment on what's good. Then actually put them on a list, for later if/when you feel inclined.

A) If it's true she loses interest in a week, she'll forget all about it and won't check back anyway.

B) If/when you do decide to watch something on the list, you can thank her for the rec from a while ago and chat about it so she knows her recs aren't disappearing into the ether.

[(Anonymous)]

This is a weird one for me. If non-fandom people want to watch a show with me I'm fine just...watching a show with my friends or family? And doing fandom on my own time. I don't understand why you're mad that your sister wants to watch shows with you. I must be missing something here. Please someone feel free to educate me!

[(Anonymous)]

Yeah, I genuinely don't understand this secret at all. I watch stuff with non-fannish friends and family members/watch stuff that they rec to me all the time because the actual watching part is enjoyable regardless of whether or not I end up getting into fandom for it. In fact, I just finished a show that my own sister recced to me. I don't feel any particular draw to participate in fandom for it but I enjoyed the show itself!

[(Anonymous)]

She wants to bond with you? You should be happy you have family that wants to bond with you with shared interests. If she moves on, so what? Continue with that fandom online.

[(Anonymous)]

OP doesn't have to only bond on her sister's terms just because it's family. Bonding has to be mutual, or it's not a bond. It's just one person dictating how the relationship goes.

[(Anonymous)]

I think this is a case where two people are just engaging differently - she sees reccing things to you as a way to stay close, but you see fannish discussion as a way to stay close. So I think you need to engage a bit differently with her recs and not expect a fannish discussion from her. How else do you stay close with her? Do you rec things for her?

[(Anonymous)]

Yeah, I'm with everyone else here. She doesn't fandom anymore, you shouldn't expect her to.
I watch shows with my family to spend time with them, not because I expect them to squee with me about my OTPs or any other fannish thing.

Your best bet is to temper your expectations and watch not only for the love of watching, but also the quality time spent with your sister.

[(Anonymous)]

Mate, she just wants to share a bit of joy with you cos she - a wild guess here - loves her sibling. Get over yourself and at least try to be nice in return.

[(Anonymous)]

Nagging someone to watch a show and then acting like it's old news by the time they've watched it seems like a very short-lived and superficial way to share the joy with a sibling. Especially when OP's sister doesn't even want to discuss it afterwards.

[(Anonymous)]

But are they acting like it's "old news," or are they just not remembering parts of the shows they rec because time has passed since they watched them? And are they recc'ing things because they personally want to "relive fandom," or are they doing it because they know OP really likes getting into shows, and want to give them something new to get into?

We're only getting OP's perception here. The sister's motivations and perceptions could be very different.

[(Anonymous)]

Is it that the sister doesn't want to discuss it at all or that she doesn't want to discuss it to the same level of fannish depth that OP does? Because there's a pretty big difference between the two.

[(Anonymous)]

I think the main problem that you don't do it at the same time? And she forgets stuff by the time you watch? Maybe try some online watch party with streaming or smth and then go your separate ways of engaging.

[(Anonymous)]

i get where you're coming from, anon. that does sound frustrating.

[(Anonymous)]

My condolences Secret OP. I used to love having fandom-like conversations with my siblings when we all got into the same show, but in more recent years my mental health was going through the wringer.

I told my siblings, friends and coworkers I couldn't get into new stuff because I couldn't focus on entertainment stuff very well. It made me sad but I needed the break.

Everyone I've told this to have been nice. They stopped reccing me things or they rec me stuff with no expectations for me to check it out ASAP and talk to them about it.
I'm sure some of them had their feelings hurt but none have taken it out on me. Like, none of them said or did anything that directly was in response to me rejecting their offer.

As time has gone on, I've been able to get back into some shows or movies. My talks to others on them has changed but they're still enjoyable conversations.

Maybe Secret OP and their sister just need to change up their expectations and interactions in regards to tv viewing and talking about them.