case: (Default)
Case ([personal profile] case) wrote in [community profile] fandomsecrets2026-01-15 07:49 pm

[ SECRET POST #6950 ]


⌈ Secret Post #6950 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.


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[The Use of Life]



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Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 01 pages, 11 secrets from Secret Submission Post #992.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 0 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

Transcript by OP

[personal profile] fscom 2026-01-16 12:52 am (UTC)(link)
I met up with a long term fandom friend irl for the first time and now I kind of want to distance myself from them.

They are nothing like they portray themselves online. So much so I'm shocked they even wanted to meet up with me and ruin the lies, but maybe they are just oblivious?

Good job S!M

(Anonymous) 2026-01-16 01:02 am (UTC)(link)
SecretMaker, love the catfish for this one. Well played.

(Anonymous) 2026-01-16 01:02 am (UTC)(link)
Do they, like want to date you? Maybe they were trying to impress you and everything just went wrong? Really though, most people are extremely different irl than online. You only know one facet of their personality, you may have come off the same way, real life is just different.

(Anonymous) 2026-01-16 01:09 am (UTC)(link)
I met up with an online fandom friend once and they seemed totally normal online - we had been talking for years at this point - but it turned out they were a huge hoarder that didn't really bathe and were just like the worst stereotype of a fannish person and were suuuuuper awkward in person (which, fair. we were both nervous and awkward). I kind of went on pretending I didn't know anything and kept the friendship online and fandom only and avoided committing to ever meeting up with them again. Which I feel kind of bad about but that was just not going to happen.

(Anonymous) 2026-01-16 01:10 am (UTC)(link)
I'm completely different online than I am off. They could have been lying, but that's not the only option.

(Anonymous) 2026-01-16 01:18 am (UTC)(link)
I'm curious about this. If you know you are totally different online than off would you still agree to meet up with online friends?

(Anonymous) 2026-01-16 01:29 am (UTC)(link)
DA

I have a fairly big gap between online / offline and I warn people to expect it.

(Anonymous) 2026-01-16 01:38 am (UTC)(link)
I would assume that if you are someone who is aware and warns people to expect it then you are never going to find yourself in a situation like the secret.

(Anonymous) 2026-01-16 01:44 am (UTC)(link)
Sure? Someone seemed confused how you could be very different and still meet friends though. You just tell them beforehand. lol

(Anonymous) 2026-01-16 01:48 am (UTC)(link)
Oh, I assumed they were talking in reference to the secret not just randomly. Woops!

(Anonymous) 2026-01-16 01:34 am (UTC)(link)
Yeah, of course, I have done this already. I'm not trying to hide myself or be deceitful, but the way my brain works lends to being more coherent and thoughtful when communicating in a text format, when I can take my time formulating a response and re-reading it to catch anything that I think needs better clarification. You can't exactly do that in real time, so my relationships to people are dependent on either the medium of the communication or the forbearance of the other person.

I re-read the above paragraph about ten times and made several edits each time, just as an example.

(Anonymous) 2026-01-16 01:24 am (UTC)(link)
Yeah, this was my first thought too. I think when I was younger I might not have been as aware of the size of the gap. Or at least not as aware of what things people would assume about me from my online interactions.

(Anonymous) 2026-01-16 01:23 am (UTC)(link)
Depends on what the lies were, at least imo.

I don't think it's necessarily a lie to come off differently offline than online, or for someone's online demeanor to be extremely different from offline.

On the other hand if they deliberately asserted they were something they were not, you met them and it was obviously a lie, then they continued asserting it as though you didn't just find out it wasn't true, creepy and weird.

(Anonymous) 2026-01-16 01:35 am (UTC)(link)
+1
I’m like some of the anons above who are very different online vs offline and now I wonder if anyone felt I was being deceptive. I have always warned people but tbh usually people assume that’s some weird polite humility thing.

(Anonymous) 2026-01-16 01:47 am (UTC)(link)
AYRT

Honestly I wouldn't even consider someone being a surprise basement dweller hoarder to be a lie, unless they told me they weren't or were deliberately trying to pretend they weren't. It'd be a shock and I wouldn't like that but I wouldn't feel they lied to me, more like my expectations were way off and I hadn't even considered the possibility.

Ofc OP's situation might have been deliberate weird lies. Unless OP responds we won't know any details, I guess

(Anonymous) 2026-01-16 03:05 am (UTC)(link)
Yeah, I once (not voluntarily!) met someone whose online persona was all about demeaning other people, both fans and celebs, for being ugly and their particular go-to insult was "she looks like she stinks". Well, it turned out IRL that they had first person experience with that...