fandomsecrets | [ SECRET POST #6960 ]

[ SECRET POST #6960 ]

⌈ Secret Post #6960 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

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[A cruel prince]

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Secrets Left to Post: 01 pages, 23 secrets from Secret Submission Post #994.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 0 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ].
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Ok, this is a genuine question, I don't understand the logic behind this statement. I have seen it for years now. Any time someone says they want to escape from the general hellscape those of us poor souls in the US are living in right now, they get that response. "It's a privilege to be able to escape". And I admit, I don't understand that. I am not doing great. I am terrified my job won't be there in six months, I'm terrified something will happen to my car or that I'll have a house crisis because I can't afford any of that, I live paycheck to paycheck, it's been years since I put any money into savings, I am a queer woman both single and childless, I am actually mixed race (although mostly white-passing so that's not nearly as big of a concern for me), I have credit card debt I've been trying to get fully paid off for two years. And my god, but the escape I get from things like fandom and streaming media and video games are literally the only things that keep me going. Escaping from my shit life by getting into the zone and writing a fic or reading something that someone else wrote or spending 3 hours straight in a video game genuinely gives me a reason to keep going vs giving up and curling into a ball and dying. I don't understand, if I am meant to be spending every single free moment upset, worked up, or out protesting, but I'm scared to even go protest now. But hell, yes, I am watching fun random YT videos to get my mind off things. I just don't understand what is so bad about people wanting something fun and distracting in their lives. And why if you are able to enjoy a movie, it means you're swimming in privilege.

I think the people saying they want to 'escape' might be talking more literally (like moving away/out of the country), OR - the people saying that are taking it more literally (like moving away/out of the country).

Saying that interacting with media as a way to decompress and get out of your head and calm your anxiety is not privilege - if you have a phone and free wi-fi at the library, you can 'escape' in that way, and tons of people do, all the time.
So maybe it's just a lot of confusion and mixed messages. OR maybe some people are jerks.
I hope you can get to a place that feels safer and calmer and easier for you, OP.
*hugs*

Yeah, I'd have assumed "escape" meant actually getting out, as opposed to escapism (note: nothing wrong with that! Both Husband and I were feeling miserably uneasy today and getting to watch a charming old movie in a theatre with a crowd primed to watch it was really quite soothing).

Couple of interpretations.

1. Some people can't "sign off" and escape they are living it 24/7 and can't escape. Soke people just don't have the means for any type of escape. I don't think it's saying that you shouldn't enjoy your fun escapism, just pointing out its a privipege to be able to do so.

2. People are taking escape literally, aka moving out of the country. Only privileged people can do that.

This phrase doesn't refer to finding joy where you can, when you can. That includes consuming media and participating in fandom.

It refers to people who have privilege, but don't use their privilege to fight for the marginalized. Frankly, when I first heard the phrase, I was pretty sure it meant those who physically escaped to another country, as it was said in response to white American scholars and celebs who fled to Canada or UK when Trump won. But it can easily apply to privileged folk who now see their own being treated the way that marginalized folk have been historically treated, and don't want to deal with reality.

It refers to people who have privilege, but don't use their privilege to fight for the marginalized.

In my experience, this isn't the case at all -- it's literally meant as a cudgel against anyone who isn't performing struggle at all times. And I do mean "performing."

An acquaintance cut my husband and I out of her life because he, a person with PTSD who has been in serious life or death situations, pushed back on her assertion that "numbness is a luxury." She meant it quite literally: only a privileged person could feel numb to what's going on. He pointed out that numbness can be a response to trauma, and that people can sometimes turn a blind eye not because they're privileged, but because they're already in a precarious position and want to survive. She didn't take it well. But meanwhile, she stays behind her keyboard. Her idea of helping the marginalized is to rant on Facebook to her own social circle from the safety of her apartment.

Honestly, it all strikes me as people who feel guilty about their own privilege trying to expatiate it by thrusting it onto others.

That may be how that person meant it, but I stand by my statement.

AYRT

I used that person as an example, but they're not the only person I've seen use it that way. I'm not sure how we can say the true meaning is one thing or the other if we're having entirely different experiences with it.

It depends on the context, but like others, I also assumed that people were talking about escaping as in, leaving the U.S. Not temporary escapism like enjoying your comfort TV show and a snuggly blanket.

That said, unless people are being assholes, I don't think they're saying that escapism is bad or that you're bad for doing it. "Privilege" doesn't mean "your life is sweet and carefree". It just means that not everyone has that much, even when "that much" isn't a whole lot. Maybe it's not nice to say that to people who are just trying to keep their head above water, though.

Some people can't escape, but that doesn't mean you shouldn't. Just like how some people not having running water doesn't make you a monster for taking a shower. Having privilege isn't inherently a bad thing. What's bad is that not everyone does. And you can't fix that by not using yours.

you need to get off of facebook/xitter/whatever hellsite you're frequenting where you keep seeing this stuff. it's not good for your mind.

I think you're right about that. I start doomscrolling and sometimes I end up at places where they act like anyone, anywhere enjoying any part of life right now is a personal attack.

yeah, that's toxic and you don't need it.

Leaving aside what others have said, at the end of the day a privilege is just a benefit that not everyone has access to and is not due anything you specifically did. There are some privileges that no one should have, like a billion dollars and a superyacht. But a lot of privileges are things that everyone should have, like having a caregiver who could read to you and help you with your homework when you were a kid, or knowing that there's a usable entrance and seating for you in any given concert venue. Or yeah, having a time and safe place to zone out and play video games for a few hours when the world's going to shit. No one's a bad person just for having any of these things. The goal is to lift others up, not knock yourself down as a punishment. That said, balance is key. Taking breaks to mentally recalibrate and keep from burning out is useful, but don't ignore opportunities to build community and make positive changes.

try living in Gaza or Syria.

Do you? Or are you using the middle east's circumstances to bludgeon random people venting?
Donate some eSims to Gazans or Syrians with GFMs instead of posting things like this, it's a lot more helpful.

Whining about poverty while living in the World's hegemon is pathethic. US is the country that finances wars and profits from it. OP's whining is the same as someone from Roman Empire saying how underprivileged they are. Hello, your government is printing money as no other country. Saying you are poor and that US is hell is so so ignorant.

Sorry if me reminding about these victim countries offends your american sensibilities lol. I'll add Ukraine to the list. Dead and dead. I hope I didn't offend you too much.

Re: "It's a privilege to even be able to escape"

(Anonymous) - 2026-01-26 01:14 (UTC) - Expand

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hey_hey_hey - 2026-01-26 01:47 (UTC) - Expand

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paperghost - 2026-01-26 01:54 (UTC) - Expand

Re: "It's a privilege to even be able to escape"

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(Anonymous) - 2026-01-26 03:28 (UTC) - Expand

Re: "It's a privilege to even be able to escape"

(Anonymous) - 2026-01-26 03:53 (UTC) - Expand

Like others said, it's either talking about how it's literally a privilege to move elsewhere, or it's a privilege to even unplug your brain and temporarily get lost in media. I understand it, but I don't really agree and consider it "bucket crab" behavior.

"It's a privilege to have escapism" is an argument I see pulled in fandom/hobby Discord servers that ban politics talk to avoid arguments or upsetting people. I completely understand that current events are inescapable for some people, but stewing in it and trying to punish people who are also not doing well helps no one.

Exactly, crabs in a bucket. They're not doing anything useful either, just trying to make everyone else feel bad. Their hobby is shaming people.

Many such cases, on every website and community...

Ahh, yes, your second paragraph is really what I was referring to. I don't want my fandom escape spaces to suddenly become full of the same horrible news I'm trying to get away from. I just don't know what people think it will accomplish to insist on posting about horrible political news everywhere. But I see this sentiment so often that I was starting to wonder if I was missing something.

"I don't want my fandom escape spaces to suddenly become full of the same horrible news I'm trying to get away from."

Same. I think people have the right to vent, but that should be kept to a designated channel or DMs. Last spring I once posted on another site about a fun convention I went to, and a complete stranger jumped on to rant about current events. Nothing about my post was political. It really ruined my mood and I told him this was inappropriate to unload on me when I live in a red state and to stop, but he didn't. It's things like that I can't stand, I hate bucket crabs lol. Do some breathing exercises. But that's probably a privilege to do too for these people.

An artist on Bluesky said something I really liked, "we all watch the same news" and there's no point in rehashing it when we're all going through shit. It's better to share mutual aid or resources for activism or personal survival instead.

Re: "It's a privilege to even be able to escape"

(Anonymous) - 2026-01-26 03:56 (UTC) - Expand

Wouldn't it be a relief if the concept of privilege had some nuance rather than constantly being used as a shaming mechanism? Wouldn't it be a relief if empathy came naturally to humans, so they didn't have to belittle or compare and compete with each others' situations rather than seeking to understand?

IMO yes. Yes, it would.

Yeah, the notion of privilege could be useful for taking things into perspective, or encouraging people who have more resources than others to fight for a more just world. Instead, it's mostly used as just another schoolyard taunt.

Well, yeah. I know I'm privileged to be able to escape awareness of this shitty body, even if it's just through getting fannish over a movie for a couple of hours. Many people don't have that privilege. Do I help them? I can't even help myself most of the time. I try in my own small way. But there's bugger-all I can do to even budge the needle.

So would it help if I de-privileged myself to help others? No. I'd just end up in hospital (if I were lucky. Or perhaps unlucky. It's not a great place to be) taking up a bed that someone else needed too.

Be kind to yourself, OP. Put on your own oxygen mask first. /internet wisdom

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