[ SECRET POST #7074 ]

[case]

⌈ Secret Post #7074 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.


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[The Boys]



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Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 01 pages, 20 secrets from Secret Submission Post #1010.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 1 - broken links ], [ 0 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

Comments

[fscom]

02. https://i.postimg.cc/85V8QQZV/06.png

Transcript by OP

[fscom]

I have finally found a medication combo that is helping with my bipolar. The only downside so far is that it seems to have completely killed my fandom feels. I just don't get that obsessive rush and love for media.

Overall I guess it's good, but I miss that deep into fandom feeling.

[(Anonymous)]

I kind of relate OP. First of all, congratulations on finding a helpful medication regimen. It can be so frustrating trying to get the right balance with meds and dealing with side effects and such.

Second, yeah, when my mental health was much worse and I was in a horrible IRL situation, I had seemingly endless energy for fandom. It was escapism for me, and the creative challenge of writing fic appealed to my brain in just the right way when I was doing badly. I miss the excitement and obsessive creativity, but overall I'm very happy to be where I am now, but I do sometimes wish I still had the passion for fandom I used to.

OP

[(Anonymous)]

Yeah this is it. I'm definitely in a better place but I just miss the passion I had and that rush of joy and creativity that a new fandom or pairing brought. But I can now recognize that it was not exactly a healthy escapism and not a healthy substitute for real joy.

I had a friend that is also bipolar talk about missing the ups and downs and said it's almost like missing drugs. There is a real rush to that kind of obsessive passion and creativity that made them feel almost a euphoric high. I've never taken drugs outside of prescribed meds so not sure how accurate that is, but it def feels like an unhealthy craving somedays.

Re: OP

[(Anonymous)]

ayrt

I get that, I miss the excitement and drama of when I was doing worse, even though things are so much better now at first it felt boring and unfamiliar, until I slowly got used to quieter feelings of real joy and sadness. I guess I was just used to instability and those extremes felt normal to me, and more interesting than actually feeling normal for a while. I used to drink heavily for escapism too (I am sober now, it's just healthier for me to avoid it personally) and I definitely see what your friend means.

It is very weird to adjust to changes in mental health, even when they're good, wishing you the best OP.

[(Anonymous)]

not the same medication but been there done that. at some point you make peace with it, in the sense that, you still miss it but you're finally okay not recapturing it. I really wish I still had the urge to ship, but I somehow just can't feel a thing for cute fluffy romance anymore. que sera sera.

OP

[(Anonymous)]

I'm verging on that acceptance, I think. I think it's been so long for me that I can look back and see that while it did bring joy it wasn't a healthy habit for me. I do sometimes wish I had the urge to ship and be in a fandom, but I also think I am a lot healthier without it. I'm definitely just a lot healthier in general on medication.

[finlaena]

Yeah, felt this one. I started Wellbutrin earlier this year (after trying a carousel of meds before) and while I'm finding it's working for me a lot better in a lot of ways, I'm also finding a similar feeling of fandom feels not really being there anymore. It doesn't give me the same dopamine rush it used to. Don't say I miss it much but at the same time, it's bittersweet.

That said, I'll take this over being unmedicated.

[(Anonymous)]

Agree, I'll take this over nonmedicated in a heartbeat. Definitely bittersweet, but if this is the sacrifice for the rest of my life being better and me not being wildly swinging from suicidal to mania randomly then it's an easy choice.

[(Anonymous)]

Same. Very, very much same. Then again I also felt horribly lifeless and disinterested/annoyed by anything without them, but when I had those moments when I felt like myself, I was just so eager and happy and in love with my faves just as I always used to. Now it's like everything's smeared. I'm not so depressed, but even while I find happiness in the things I love, I'm still quick to become exasperated or annoyed anyways. Everythings muted in a sense, but then again, I've seen a half a dozen psychiatrist and then some for well over half my life now, and I'm still not properly diagnosed. Since even they agree I definitely have more than the major depression and general anxiety thats been assigned to me. ugh.

[(Anonymous)]

I've always been dismissed because I appear very functional, so Drs have assumed that my mental health didn't qualify for a lot of diagnosis. This is the first Dr I've seen that actually listens and says things like "if you say it feels that way then it feels that way" instead of dismissing me because my life looks functional, whatever the hell that means. I didn't get an official diagnosis at first but she decided to start me on meds more often used to treat bipolar to see how I'd react and it has been better than any "general depression and anxiety" meds I've ever tried. I don't fit the typical criteria for bipolar but I'm so glad this dr listened to me and took a chance.

Anyway. I hope you keep fighting and I'm sorry the system is so messed up where we can keep going to seek help and just get a shrug in reply.