[ SECRET POST #7081 ]

[case]

⌈ Secret Post #7081 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.


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Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 02 pages, 19 secrets from Secret Submission Post #1011.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 0 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

Comments

Re: Recovered people-pleasers, how did you work on establishing boundaries with people you love?

[(Anonymous)]

Yeah, I know you're totally right about setting boundaries. I know it's something that you have to do, you have to communicate and sometimes you can't just ignore things because the resentment builds up. I just struggle so hard. But you're right that someday I'm going to lose my shit over something, and that's going to be way more hurtful than a calm rational conversation would be if I do it now.

And yeah. There are some red flags. He wasn't clingy like this in the beginning. Asking what I ate once in awhile didn't bother me, that's totally normal and expected, but when it becomes a daily thing, and he's wanting a report of all three meals, it's just wearing my patience down to nothing.

Oh and this morning. He texted me at 7 am , "I hope your dog doesn't come in and wake you up before you're ready" Well, she didn't! But YOU just did, so thanks for that?!

Re: Recovered people-pleasers, how did you work on establishing boundaries with people you love?

[(Anonymous)]

DA homie, no one needs a "report" of all three meals, goodness, he needs to back the fuck down.

Re: Recovered people-pleasers, how did you work on establishing boundaries with people you love?

[(Anonymous)]

NAYRT

"Oh and this morning. He texted me at 7 am , "I hope your dog doesn't come in and wake you up before you're ready" Well, she didn't! But YOU just did, so thanks for that?!"

Did you tell him that? Does he know that? That was a perfect opportunity for you to say exactly that. You could have worded it nicely but still told him that his text woke you up. I mean, that almost feels like a deliberately passive-aggressive thing on his part. You really need to tell him. That's not even really setting a boundary, it's just really basic communication.

Re: Recovered people-pleasers, how did you work on establishing boundaries with people you love?

[(Anonymous)]

I did not, although I should have. It was a moment where I was like, almost incredulous laughing, you hope my dog doesn't want me up, so you text me?? I don't think it was exactly passive aggressive, but he probably is kind of insecure. He is unemployed and I think he's a little, not exactly jealous that I go to work, but probably feels a little weird about it because he doesn't have just a whole lot going on in his life, he generally stays home all the time.

Re: Recovered people-pleasers, how did you work on establishing boundaries with people you love?

[(Anonymous)]

Girl GROW A SPINE 🤦‍♀️ I don't know if he's a control freak or if you're just utterly and totally lacking in a backbone but this is pathetic.

Re: Recovered people-pleasers, how did you work on establishing boundaries with people you love?

[(Anonymous)]

He wants a report on all three meals? WTF? That's not even close to being normal. Why is he so obsessed with what you eat or don't eat? I know it's possible to make excuse for that. He's just trying to help! He's being caring and trying to look after you!

It's controlling, OP. Red flag. Policing what you eat or don't eat and expecting you to "report" back to him is an alarming form of control that's poorly disguised as concern. My guess is that along with the texting random stuff, there's something going on that makes him feel like he's losing control in the relationship, so he's tightening up the food monitoring and upping the guilt-trips so you're emotionally tied to him.

"Don't ask me what I ate/tell me what to eat, it makes me uncomfortable."
"I am not going to talk about my diet with you."
"I only check my texts once/twice a day, and I will not be able to respond to each and every text quickly."
"Your late night texts are waking me up. Please only text me within [these set hours] or I will have to put you on Do Not Disturb."
"Please don't text me at night unless it's an emergency."
"Please don't text me before 9am."

You don't have to be rude about it, but polite requests and firm boundaries would either get his ass in line if he's truly an okay person, or if he's not okay he'll double down and get even more assholish about it, which is your signal to LEAVE.

Re: Recovered people-pleasers, how did you work on establishing boundaries with people you love?

[(Anonymous)]

I don't think it's controlling on the evidence we have. As far as he knows, he and OP are having a nice chat about what she's eating, and he's sharing things he enjoys online. If he keeps pushing after OP sets boundaries then it's controlling and a red flag.

Re: Recovered people-pleasers, how did you work on establishing boundaries with people you love?

[(Anonymous)]

Did you see OP's comment?

"Asking what I ate once in awhile didn't bother me, that's totally normal and expected, but when it becomes a daily thing, and he's wanting a report of all three meals, it's just wearing my patience down to nothing."

Like, no. Wanting a daily report on all three meals OP ate isn't "a nice chat". That's not normal. He's already bringing up food so often and commenting so frequently on what OP eats or doesn't eat that she's getting twitchy about it. That's also not a nice chat, you know how you can tell? Because OP doesn't enjoy it.

Re: Recovered people-pleasers, how did you work on establishing boundaries with people you love?

[(Anonymous)]

We can tell, because OP told us! He can't tell if OP keeps up the conversation and never tells him! My partner and I often discuss all three meals, and that's no big deal in itself.