fandomsecrets | [ SECRET POST #1078 ]

⌈ Secret Post #1078 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

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139. http://cozaweb.com/img/20081021cs52.jpg
[porn]

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161. [SPOILERS for Glee]

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162. [SPOILERS for Darker than Black]

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163. [SPOILERS for UNSEEN ACADEMICALS BY TERRY PRATCHETT]

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164. [SPOILERS for Dr Who]

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165. [SPOILERS for Dexter]

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166. [SPOILERS for something but they didnt tell me what]

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167. [SPOILERS for Birth by Sleep]

Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 00 pages, 000 secrets from Secret Submission Post #154.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 1 - not!secrets ], [ 1 - not!fandom ], [ 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ], [ 1 - posted twice ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

I don't think the issue is so much that you show up late to the fandom. A lot of people discover new fandoms and join them after a few seasons/books/movies/whatever. I think the real problem is that you don't talk to strangers. Because, seriously, even if you were groundflooring a fandom - they're still strangers, most of them.

Just talk. I know it's hard (I used to be the same way), but just do it anyway. Don't worry if you're going to come off as an idiot. At least that would mean that you're trying.

Some things that helped me:

1) participate in friending memes - and don't just wait for people to friend you. Find people who seem interesting and ask to friend them. And once you have these friends, comment regularly on their journal entries (or fan fic, or icons, or whatever they do with their journals). Ask them questions. People love to talk about themselves.

2) read fan fic and comment on stories that you enjoy. Authors love comments, and you might make some new friends that way. Also, be willing to beta fics. You might become friends with the author.

3) write fan fic of your own (or make graphics or icons or fan art or whatever it is you are good at) and submit it communities relative to your fandom interests. You might get some good reviews and make friends!

4) talk to people. Comment and say that you love someone's icon. Give advice if someone's asking for it. Participate in a discussion. Just talk talk talk. Eventually, you'll find people who like talking with you.

YOU CAN DO THIS ANON. You don't have to be eternally lonely, and don't let yourself feel like the out of place new guy. You may be new, but every.single.person currently in the fandom was once a n00b. Go out there and market yourself. Have confidence in yourself and realize that you are a worthwhile person whom people would be glad to know.

I second all of this. I recently joined *three* new fandoms that have all been in existence for at least three years, and I've already made some friends. You just have to make the effort to put yourself out there.

All of this!

I got into a new fandom in May of this year. Didn't know anyone. I did all of the above (I'm a pretty extroverted person, though, so it wasn't hard for me), and I have...I don't know 50+ people on my flist now. Some of them I'm already close enough with that we're Facebook friends, too.

Just get yourself out there, anon. Be friendly and people will be friendly back.

All of this! I'm in Doctor Who fandom which has been in existence for almost 50 years, and I only got into the show 2 years ago. It's a massive fandom with people who've been in it literally their entire lives. But, you find your place, your little corner, and make friends within that. Some of the most well-known people in my circle of fandom friends are people who don't write fic and don't do fan art, but what they do do is really encourage others who do those things. They leave comments on fic, they help sponsor ficathons, they leave comments on fanart and vids and encourage the creators, they beta-read, the start memes, they do reaction/squee posts, they keep rec lists. The internet is an interactive venue (hence the name) so no one is going to see you off in the corner. On the internet, if you remain silent, you don't exist. Not because people are mean but because people literally can't see you unless you talk. And if you only talk a little, people aren't going to remember you name. It probably takes someone seeing your name out there ten or twenty times before it'll be remembered. Again, not because people are mean but just because there's a lot of names out there in fandom and no one remembers every single one they come across.

If I can join a fandom that's been around much longer than I've been alive, you can join a newish fandom that's already gotten off the ground. You just have to speak up and make yourself seen. What it takes is just remembering that you *do* have something to contribute. Everyone does.

Fourthing, fifthing, whatever this comment---

Socializing is a learned skill, like writing, or playing an instrument, or riding a bike. Some people are naturally talented at making friends (just like some musically inclined people can pick up a guitar and without any lessons start strumming chords). Making friends may not come easily to you--maybe you're a little shy, or introverted, or you feel awkward--but you can learn the skills if you practice. It's hard, it can suck, and it can be scary. You probably won't go from Lonely to Belle of the Ball overnight. But it does get much much easier the more you put yourself out there. There are many good, practical suggestions in the comments to this secret on how to put yourself out there. Unfortunately, it's one of those skills (like riding a bike) that you learn the "how" of as you're doing.

I speak from my own personal experience. :) Good luck, anon!

[ SECRET POST #1078 ]

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