[ SECRET POST #1264 ]

[case]

⌈ Secret Post #1264 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

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Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 27 pages, 651 secrets from Secret Submission Post #181.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 - not!secrets ], [ 1 2 3 4 - not!fandom ], [ 1 2 3 4 5 - too big ], [ 1 2 3 4 5 - repeat ], [ 1 - doing it wrong ], [ 1 - take it to comments ], [ 1 - ships it ], [ 1 2 3 - posted twice ], [ 1 - personal attack ], [ 1 - empty comment ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

Comments

[(Anonymous)]

I never was in ontd_feminism, but I used to feel that way about feminist comms. Now I couldn't possibly feel more different. I don't mean to say anyone is wrong about her (his?) own experiences, but for me personally, I found that I learned something else, too: how to be judgmental in a way I never had before. How to be the kind of person who says "No, your experiences are only 'anecdata'" rather than listening to other people. How to cherry-pick whose story matters. How to ignore cruelties when precipitated against the "wrong" people and how to turn any slight against the "right" ones into an enormity.

I honestly think that feminism of that kind actually made me more vulnerable in a verbally abusive relationship (that, by the time I left, had become physically injurious as well.) Because a lot of my "feminist" friends told me lesbian relationships are safer. That there is a certain comfort and relief with women because there are no power games. Because "men abuse women, and the statistics say women abuse far, far less often" made it easy to tell myself I was just "being sensitive" when she hurt me. Having been told that bringing up same-sex DV is "derailing" and distracts from the "source" of the problem (men's misogyny), I couldn't let myself see what was happening to me with clear eyes.

My abuser was a member of various oppressed groups that I was not, and whenever I tried to stick up for my own boundaries, I was accused of behaving like an oppressor, of "making the tone argument" (for saying she sounded too angry, even though the issue was how I wanted to be spoken to by my partner in private) and of being used to being coddled thanks to my privilege.

I do not mean to say that feminism and other social-justice based movements are worthless. I simply mean that I feel "go educate yourself" and "go do your 101 and then come back here" encourage people to make themselves suggestible and fail to consider fully whether what others tell them about their oppressions square with their reason and observation.

I hope that people who get a lot out of those communities do acknowledge that a minority of sad, unscrupulous people will do anything to manipulate others, including play the victim so they can do whatever they want to other people.

I am sure I will get a lot of "baww baww sad oppressor" troll comments for this, and it is up to you all what you believe about my honor, but I swear I am not lying. I would gladly post this not-anon, but I do not want my former abuser finding this and using it against me.

[(Anonymous)]

We just a had a post a couple days ago about same sex rape and relationship abuse.

Just saying.

I think if you learned how to be judgemental etc, you missed the point.

[(Anonymous)]

So, uh, if I mention it now y'all are over quota?

[(Anonymous)]

(Definitely didn't just forget to go anon there...)

What do you mean by that?

[(Anonymous)]

I tell my story and the response is "We just talked about same-gender DV." Rather than a response to what I'm trying to say. I'm not sure if that's supposed to reassure me I'd be welcome (I don't want to go back to any feminist communities online, thanks) or supposed to reassure the overwhelming amount of heterosexual feminists who think that feminism is a Let's Complain About Men session that they've done their good deed toward the queers for the week.

(Seriously, that's the thing that depresses me most. The people who are all "this is about men's violence" over and over... as if women cannot quite have independent existences without endlessly focusing on men. Maybe it is an improvement to be indignant rather than to serve them, but uh, wouldn't true freedom involve not obsessing over men constantly?)

[(Anonymous)]

Look, I'm sorry about what happened to you, and I'm sorry that it feels to you like it's as bad as what males do to us, but it really isn't.

I'm so sorry, but you really are derailing, weather you know it or not.

Look at it this way: You got out. Something you may not have been able to do had your abuser been male. How many women cant escape, because of the male-dominated society forcing them into this role you're so willing to enforce?

Honestly, I'm only ever a lurker over there, but I'm glad you're gone. This shit would have helped no-one, Not you, and not any real feminist at risk, it would have only caused hurt.

Good luck with whatever life you choose, but keep you're derailing 'but women can be bad toooooooo' bullshit away for us. please.

[(Anonymous)]

Oh my fuck.

You are NOT seriously just telling me that I got out because she was a woman. You are NOT telling me that my experience with DV is derailing.

I don't know whether you are a troll or insane, but seriously... fuck you.

[agentak.livejournal.com]

Dear Anonymous troll,

Fuck you. Die in a fire.

Love,
Society.

[numb3r-5ev3n.livejournal.com]

Seriously, this. Domestic abuse is domestic abuse, no matter the source or the situation. That a stupid anon drama whore would even downplay someone else's experiences while bewailing their own is beyond the pale.

[(Anonymous)]

Your response makes me almost regret my feminist tattoos.

I don't know who this "us" is you keep talking about, but I'm sure as fuck not part of it.

Keep your insensitive, know-it-all, misinformed bs away from my feminism. thanks.

[(Anonymous)]

I'm really, really hoping you're just a shit-stirring troll.

But seriously? Look at it this way: You got out. Something you may not have been able to do had your abuser been male.

News flash: women can and do leave male abusers. Male abusers exist and no one's arguing otherwise. But shoving your fingers in your ears and adamantly denying that same-sex DV exists is just outright delusional. Men can hurt and abuse other men. Women can hurt and abuse other women. Not just in relationship contexts, either. And if you seriously don't know that, or don't get that, or are fervently trying to convince yourself that that's not real, well, I don't know what to tell you. Delude yourself all you want, but don't go trolling other people's comments invalidating their experiences and talking down to them because, oh no! There are aspects of reality that don't jive with the ~*~Feminist Utopia*~~ you've made up in your head.

Honestly, I'm only ever a lurker over there

Good. Because if this comment is representative the kind of bullshit that slogs around in your brain, just don't bother posting. Ever. Period.