fandomsecrets | [ SECRET POST #1271 ]

[ SECRET POST #1271 ]

⌈ Secret Post #1271 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

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Notes:

No mudkips, don't worry.

Secrets Left to Post: 25 pages, 608 secrets from Secret Submission Post #182.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 1 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 1 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ], [ 1 - doing it wrong ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

134. http://i49.tinypic.com/mra7mu.jpg

Oh my god, Anon, I am so sorry. Reading your secret I was seriously going "are you me?" because I went through a couple years of my life doing a big project with a destructive co-author; I really really know how you feel and it fucking sucks. I finally got to a place where I cared more about my own mental health than about keeping the story together and maintaining my friendship with her and managed to get the fuck out, but it was really hard. I hope you have the strength to stick with it without going crazy, whichever road you decide to take. Just know that my heart goes out to you and that I hope you make the decision that is best for you and pull through to the end. ♥

Dude! You need to get out.

Fuck. I'm sorry, but the best I can offer you is a hug from an internet stranger /hugs

I've had a "friend" like that and it only gets worse. Run, OP, run like the wind. I regretted every moment I stayed "friends" with my abuser -- and that's what this person is, and nobody will get that because people think abuse can only come from parental figures or lovers, but they're wrong. Run!

(I always comment anon at F!S, and for darn good reason, but for this secret, I'm using my name, because it's relevant.)

(no subject)

thene - 2010-06-26 22:58 (UTC) - Expand

(no subject)

(Anonymous) - 2010-06-28 16:24 (UTC) - Expand

I'm sorry. But you should get out of it now. Take the comic and run. Fuck 'em, if they're such an ass. You don't deserve someone like that in your life.

For a start you could hit her back. She only gets away with whatever you allow her to get away with.

OP

(Anonymous) - 2010-06-27 07:46 (UTC) - Expand

I went through the same thing in college years ago. I was co-authoring a story with my abuser. We were so involved with it, I was so involved with it, and she put me through so much shit. Emotional abuse and manipulation, isolation, mood swings. One day, when we were driving back to school, she started to hit me.

One night in the bathroom, I had a breakdown. I couldn't stop crying, couldn't stop shaking. And yet, I still didn't know how to get it. How does this story end? She threw a knife at me. That got college administration involved. Months later, stupidly, I tried to patch up our friendship (we had a story, after all, to write) and that eventually ended with her threatening to kill me. Finally she was removed from campus and I was smart enough to just let it die.

Let it die, anon.

You can write other comics. You can publish other stories. You have the entire rest of your life to do that. But without your mental health and sanity, anon, you have NOTHING.

NOTHING.

Please, get out.

OP

(Anonymous) - 2010-06-27 07:34 (UTC) - Expand

It sucks to have to make that choice. But trust me, you want to get out of that situation, because it isn't going to get better. Your abuser is not going to suddenly moral up and start treating you like a human being; who says they're going to let you get the part of your dream that matters to you? The best thing you can do is start making contacts now that you can use to keep pursuing your dream after you break things off with your emotionally and physically abusive "partner".

This picture is supposed to look like teeth, right? It's very creepy.

aw man this is just killing me *hug* im so sorry annon. My dream is comics too and I understand wanting so badly for that dream to come true. I think you should get away from your so called "friend" though, you might love the comic but it's not the only idea you will EVER have. And if you are happier your creativity may flow more. get away from them! (ps I would love to see your stuff!)

Oh dude, that fucking sucks. Are you at least nearly finished with the comic? If you're still a long way off finishing it then it might be worth getting out of it now. You shouldn't have to put up with that kind of shit from anyone. Hope things work out for you.

Run away, anon. It's so not worth it.

Rip everything out of the comic that they gave you. Rewrite what you need to, create new characters, reform the story, strike out on your own.

Never trust anyone again with your baby. Any of them.

Anon, your well-being is more important than a comic. Think about it. What are you honestly going to gain from completing the project? A million bucks? Unlikely. Personal fulfillment? Maybe, but I have no doubt that you could create a better story on your own, without this abusive parasite to drag you down. The longer you keep her in your life, the more she's going to take from you emotionally.
Also, I'm really sorry that you've been treated this way. You deserve better. ♥

Let me put it this way:

I've known more than one person who's been in a co-creating project that turned toxic. It isn't worth it for the work, especially if, as you say, it's self-published. You'll never be able to look at it without thinking of all the ways you suffered.

Get out. Create something new on your own that you can be proud of, and think of this as a rehearsal, a learning experience. The people I've known went on to do better stuff alone, because they didn't have to spend all that energy on dealing with their co-writer. And honestly, probably half the reason you think you can't do it alone is because the co-writer is telling you that you can't.

(This isn't to say that you can't have a great co-writer; I've known people who definitely have. But the product isn't worth an abusive relationship, no way.)

Hey anon,

I understand that your dream is important to you. I truely do.
But you can't go on like this. You can always have a new dream but once she fucks you up for good, there won't be a way out anymore.
You still have a way out now, so please take it!!
Take your things, take the story (change the things she contributed for example) and run like hell. Don't ever look back and start new.
I know it is very, very hard but please listen to what your heart has been telling you all along: You need to get out! As soon as you can!

Anon, I don't care of you two are working on something that is winning you a Nobel Prize. You have to get out. No story, no story at all, is worth subjecting yourself to emotional and physical abuse to see it through. And trust me, this is coming from a writer. My stories are my babies. But I would drop it like a hot ceramic mug if someone was hurting me.

You can come up with another story, OP. You can start again. Even if you think that's too hard, think of it this way; if you are suffering, your work will suffer for it too. Get out now, start again.

Dude. You can do the comic at any point in your life, but that's a textbook abusive relationship you've got going on there and even if the comic gets done, I very much doubt you'll be happy in your situation as it stands.

I basically agree with everyone's previous post. Please, please, please get out of this abusive friendship. You will have other ideas, you will be able to move on if you are determined enough, and iI'm sure you can continue on with a new comic made solely by you. Having someone toxic in your life is deadly. Depression is hard enough to overcome (I know) without other negative people bringing you do or purposefully hurting you. Your health is more important than anything. Please, get out.

And I thought my emotionally abusive and manipulative writing partner was bad. Get out, OP. It's not worth it. Don't let her or him hold the story hostage to make you a sycophant. You can make a better one on your own, or find one of the thousands of writers out there who are good people.

Anon, it's not worth it. Getting another co-author is easier than repairing your mental health. You don't have to give up on your ambition. Please, GET OUT of that relationship.

My first instinct?

Get a laywer.

If this project you've started has involved any kind of monetary compensation, or any agreements you think might be binding, go to a lawyer. Right now. I'm not kidding.

Get in the car, and drive to the nearest law firm. If they won't accept walk-ins, go to another one. If the guy is on lunch break, beg. Do what it takes. I know of some law firms where I live where they will accept 30 minute appointments with walk-ins.

Go. Go now.

Take all the material you can get your hands on, show it to the lawyer, explain what's happening and that you don't necessarily want to press charges, but you want to know what parts of the comic you can keep.

Yes, the fee might be a little expensive, but here's the thing: a lawyer shows you mean business, a good lawyer is going to back you up and not let the other person get away with shit, and the best part is if they give you good advice, you can take your part of the comic back and start anew. You might even be able to make the comic better, and you will certainly find the experience to be that creative experience you love, and not the hell you face now.

Starting anew might also be pretty rough, but you sound like you have the determination and creativity to strike out on your own. Next time you will know to be a little more guarded when selecting a co-author, and then you can even keep your lawyer on standby to make sure there are clear boundaries with your new co-authoring relationship.

Best of luck, OP. No one deserves to be emotionally or physically abused like that, and you need to put your body and mind over this comic.

(no subject)

(Anonymous) - 2010-06-26 23:00 (UTC) - Expand

I'm adding to the general consensus: Get out. Let it die. Let go. Your health is so much more important. It's easier to create a new story than it is to put your mind back together. Run, run, run, save yourself, please.

Get out. Get out get out get out. Depression will kill your dream. It will kill your creativity and it might even kill you. Get out and get healthy and find another way — which will be easier to do once your head's clear.

I can relate to this, anon. While finishing an animation with my 'best friend', I had a horrible anxiety attack and was diagnosed with depression. She's always been emotionally abusive towards me, but one of the worst things she's ever done is to tell me I was weak and that I should get over it.

People always used to call me her 'shadow' because I never had the courage to be myself when she was around - she stopped me going out by myself, stopping me forming friendships and relationships (she used to the guys I liked that I wasn't interested in them, without me knowing. Gee, thanks.)

Seriously anon, get out while you can. I feel better every day since I got away. Trust me, your mental health will thank you for it. The comic isn't worth the pain. Trust me, I can't even watch that animation now, because it only brings back shitty memories.

Good luck, anon.